Shame and embarassment

Since I have told some people that I am going for the RNY they have been so unsupportive. They look at me like I am crazy and say you just need to diet and excerise, watch your portions...etc. I am so sick of it. They say why get the surgery if you have to eat well and excerise anyways. Or I would NEVER mutilate my body like that. They tell me I am lazy and have no self control.
I'm 27. I have diabetes, high blood pressure, kidney disease, daily pain in my knees and ankles, I can't walk more than two blocks without sever pain in them. I feel I have no where to turn. I have lived my entire life in embarassment and shame. What kind of way is that to live. I feel ashamed enough that I have to resort to doing this in the first place. If there was another way I would do it!
They just can't understand why I would do this. I tell them I have been on MANY diets since the age of 8. It doesn't matter. It's like I'm a huge failure in my life if I go through with this surgery. I'm just so upset. They think if I'm not doing it the "natural way" I shouldn't do it at all.
My doctor says I will not live to see my child go to school. I know I need this surgery. I need the help. I know I can succeed with it. I just feel like my heart is broken.
Thank you for listening to my rant. I'm just sick and tired of everything. I want this weight gone.

It is so damned painful to be on the receiving end of other people's judgments. The one thing left to be cruel and outwardly prejudiced about now is obesity. The world still feels free to pile on. In the end, there are no explanations to give, no reasons that are logical enough becasue there is no one left to BE for except you and the ones you love. They warn us so much on these boards about what can hapen in our relationshiips when we make the decision and/or along the way as we go through the process. Hold onto the vision of living for your kids, being there for their futures and for your own. I am sorry for your pain and encourage you to keep coming back here for support and encouragement from the very folks wh really do get it, aren't humouring you and will stand by you as you mend your body, your health and your heart. Hang in there. 

Thank you so much for your kind words. What's so sad about this situation is that the people I had told were the people I trusted most in this world. I wonder what is going to happen to my relationships with my family and friends when I am don't have to rely on them anymore. 

 Dearest Petite_jolie, I am so sorry for your pain.  If these people don't care enough about you to want for you the things that will improve your life then cut them loose!  Obese people have enough to carry without carrying the negativity of others.  I just don't understand how people can be so cruel and heartless.  I have to wonder about someone who would say things like this: do they not have a weight problem and therefore not understand what it all means OR are they obese and don't have the courage to do whatever it takes to seek a better life for yourself and your children. 

I told only two people my sister and my husband - it's my life and my business what I do with it.

Stay strong and do what you feel in your heart is best for you!

You are so right! It's not just the excess weight I have to carry around. If only! There is so much more on my shoulders. I don't know why people can't just love and support me. It's what I would and have done for them. I am not going to make the mistake of telling anyone else. Thank you so much for support. I really need it.

Whoa. back this train up.  Why in God's name would you ever feel ashamed to be getting this surgery? Would you feel ashamed if you had cancer and need surgery to get rid of it? Do you feel ashamed taking medication for diabetes or kidney disease? NO So why would you ever feel that way about RnY?

Let's get it straight here. You are not having this surgery becase you want to fit into next summer's swim suits. You are not getting it to look like a model. No. You are getting this so you can live to raise your child and to save your life. Same reason people have cancer surgery. Think of it in those terms not as something you brought on yourself.

I don't know if you've gone to diabetic teaching class or not but in there they teach you that when you have diabetes losing weight becomes almost impossible no matter how much you diet. It is complicated but it has to do with insulin resistance. I can't explain it here.

Believe me when I tell you RnY is not the easy way out. I had RnY last February and it is a scary proposition. Not one to be taken lightly. And I am sure you don't take it lightly. There is a hell of a lot more advantage to RnY weight loss than just eating right. It stops you from overeating, from eating sweets and most important it stops the neverending HUNGER. That is the most important thing it does.

To those who are giving you a hard time, you owe them no explaination but if you feel you have to give them one use the cancer analogy. Because this is absolutely true. Why you weigh what you do is of no revelance it is what you can do and are willing to do about it that matters. Like a smoker who gets lung cancer. You might argue that it is his own fault. If it is or it isn't his fault, who catres? He still need all the help and surgery to get rid of it and everyone will stand by him and offer support. It should be no different for weight loss surgery. Who care why you are here now lets get it gone and get back to health.

I wish you only the best with your wls my dear. You go out there and hold your head up high. You are taking control of your health and your life. Feel proud of that.  Your true friends will be there for you. The rest are not worth a tinkers damn.

Many of us can certainly understand where you are coming from...people see fat people as lazy, no will power, very few understand it is so much more than that.  My sister is unsupportive and she is a nurse.  I think theybecome unsupportive because they are scared for us, with surgery is always a chance of complications or death especially since our bodies are unhealthy going into surgery.  Do your research on surgeries and surgeons so you feel comfortable talking about it to those people.  My relationship with my sister is not to where I would need to put distance between us but I have told he that I am having the surgery regardless of her approval, I would love her acceptane but if she cant then we will just not discuss the topic.  I'm lucky, my mom and dad and husband are supportive as well as a couple friends.  Hang in there, 
Angela

Pardon the language, but.....Screw the nay sayers. With all those co-morbiditys at your young age, this is about survival. Stop talking to non-supportive people. They are not going to change their minds until you are healthy. Hang around here and get support for your decision & journey.

Kitty Mom has much cleaner language than me - the first thing I thought of to say to you was to tell the un-supportive bunch to f-off. But - that aside - do what is right for YOU - and do it proudly and give it your all. You won't be sorry. No one should pass judgement on others unless they have walked a mile or so in their shoes. And I bet none of these people have. Good luck to you!

MARY.C   SAID IT ALL FOR ME!!!   YOU DO WHAT YOU NEED TO DO AND **** ON ANYONE ELSE THAT DISAGREES!!!



Talk to you soon Stephanie