Where is she?
Wow Charline thats great you are doing so well - I can say yes to all the above "girly things" comes with perfectionism for me - always did the hair - the make- up - nails- the agonizing over clothes even though selection was so limited - but the negative self talk is big and I look away when a stranger compliments me - when my husband or family or friends compliment me - I am not seeing the person they see- I still many days can see the 292 lb girl not the 135 lb girl - that is hard to believe but true- I will still feel like the "fat girl" in the room .
They say eventually that the mind will catch up with the bod - hope so - when I was large no one saw my insecurity- I was in sales/advertising/marketing - so I acted the part- I am sure people figured out that I had issues I was wearing them for all to see- but I was very positive and fooled many a person or so I am told - I guess I was that fat bubbly person - on the outside at least!
Now many of my family and close friends do comment how more critical I am of myself - how they hope that I find a way to be happier - its what I talk to a lot of pre-ops about - many of us have used the weight as a crutch- and we dont fully comprehend what life will be like when we cant say - "if I was smaller or lost the weight- if I was healthy" - most of us think that the weight was what was standing in our way - I just feel kind of lost most of the time now - trying to figure out what am I supposed to do now........ I have lost the weight now what ?
Yup a work in progress- being with long term post ops at retreat helped me figure out I am not alone in my feelings - so many of them went through this stage too - and I do hope its a stage - I have read a lot too and if you have lost a whole other person and then some - more than half of yourself - its gonna take some time - its gonna be a HUGE adjustment- I am working on it - and will not give up - this was damn hard work- I want my happy ending ! lol
deb
They say eventually that the mind will catch up with the bod - hope so - when I was large no one saw my insecurity- I was in sales/advertising/marketing - so I acted the part- I am sure people figured out that I had issues I was wearing them for all to see- but I was very positive and fooled many a person or so I am told - I guess I was that fat bubbly person - on the outside at least!
Now many of my family and close friends do comment how more critical I am of myself - how they hope that I find a way to be happier - its what I talk to a lot of pre-ops about - many of us have used the weight as a crutch- and we dont fully comprehend what life will be like when we cant say - "if I was smaller or lost the weight- if I was healthy" - most of us think that the weight was what was standing in our way - I just feel kind of lost most of the time now - trying to figure out what am I supposed to do now........ I have lost the weight now what ?
Yup a work in progress- being with long term post ops at retreat helped me figure out I am not alone in my feelings - so many of them went through this stage too - and I do hope its a stage - I have read a lot too and if you have lost a whole other person and then some - more than half of yourself - its gonna take some time - its gonna be a HUGE adjustment- I am working on it - and will not give up - this was damn hard work- I want my happy ending ! lol
deb
STARTING 2010 WITH A BANG! 160 LBS LOST!
WLS JOURNEY: HW-292/SW-273/CW-132-GOAL 125LBS
WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK IT - ME - 132 LBS ! omg
- Happy to be Brenda B's angel !
I am the smallest I have been in 25 years. I was 153 when I was 30 years old. That was a size 10-12 and for my frame that is tiny. According to an body analysis I had done on the cruise, I should aim for 174.5 pounds to have a BMI of 25. Glory be, I really do have big bones (I knew that but didn't say it often because most people see it as an excuse). I am actually surprised that I am not smaller! i was looking at the pictures from my daughter's baby shower and I am a bit fatter than I think I am. That's never happened before. I have no idea how I will feel when I get to goal.....probably obnoxiously full of myself...LOL Since that will be the smallest I have been in so many years, I expect it will be a big adjustment.
As for the hair and make-up....I have had the attitude for years that it (I) is just not worth the effort. Who cares if the fat women (me) has make-up on? I know that I deserved to look good as much as the next person- fat or thin, but if I happened to get all dolled up, I would look in the mirror and I would not, could not feel pretty. It wasn't that I didn't have nice clothing, ask the girls that I have given clothing to- I had nice clothing for work, but I was happy to be acceptable. I didn't go that little extra. It didn't help that my DH does not believe in complements.The best I could achieve is "all right". I was "all right" without the hair, and make-up, so why try? Now I know it makes a difference, because it makes a difference to me. It's only been a month or so since I started doing the hair and make-up beyond, clean is good enough. I know people have noticed, it will be interesting to see if I continue to do it for me when the compliments and looks stop.
As for the hair and make-up....I have had the attitude for years that it (I) is just not worth the effort. Who cares if the fat women (me) has make-up on? I know that I deserved to look good as much as the next person- fat or thin, but if I happened to get all dolled up, I would look in the mirror and I would not, could not feel pretty. It wasn't that I didn't have nice clothing, ask the girls that I have given clothing to- I had nice clothing for work, but I was happy to be acceptable. I didn't go that little extra. It didn't help that my DH does not believe in complements.The best I could achieve is "all right". I was "all right" without the hair, and make-up, so why try? Now I know it makes a difference, because it makes a difference to me. It's only been a month or so since I started doing the hair and make-up beyond, clean is good enough. I know people have noticed, it will be interesting to see if I continue to do it for me when the compliments and looks stop.
. 
Angel to Charline (New Maryland) & Chrissy Charline
I think you have the confidence part licked- sounds like you are settling into your weight loss just fine- lol - I am sure you will be fine when you get to goal - whether people can stand to be around you at goal or not remains to be seen- lmao if you do become "obnoxiously full of yourself"- I am sure your family/friends will let you know when you think too much of yourself and they are passed the wow stages of omg look how much weight Mom/Charline has lost !!
Long term post ops do tell me it does wear off for people- our story does become old news eventually!
My god recently on a site that I am on -one lady told me a story of how insecure her sister had became over her recent weight loss that when a mutual friend of the family paid a compliment to the wls gal at a wedding they both attended - the sister stood up and said but I have always been small and work at my weight she had to cop out and take the easy way out by surgery as she has no will power - omg can you even freakin imagaine - the girl was terribly hurt but said it looked bad on her sister and her action/behaviour not the wls gal/her for being one that had lost weight!
I am actually looking forward to the "not being the topic" in the room or the dont recognize me part- or hubby has a new wife - ya and his new wife has the same name as is first - oohhh coincidence- duh! - I have had enough of the jaw dropping to last me a lifetime! And I hate hate hate when people- very casual aquaintances will ask in the same sentence how much did you lose - like how much did you actually weigh - hmmmm I may be blonde by why dont you just say so how much do you way now???? LOL- man people cross the line!
Enjoy your visit with your daughter - hopefully the band bubble issue will stay mild coming home too - god but you could eat steak - wow that is one hard food to deal with post op for any wls.
Cheers
deb
I think you have the confidence part licked- sounds like you are settling into your weight loss just fine- lol - I am sure you will be fine when you get to goal - whether people can stand to be around you at goal or not remains to be seen- lmao if you do become "obnoxiously full of yourself"- I am sure your family/friends will let you know when you think too much of yourself and they are passed the wow stages of omg look how much weight Mom/Charline has lost !!
Long term post ops do tell me it does wear off for people- our story does become old news eventually!
My god recently on a site that I am on -one lady told me a story of how insecure her sister had became over her recent weight loss that when a mutual friend of the family paid a compliment to the wls gal at a wedding they both attended - the sister stood up and said but I have always been small and work at my weight she had to cop out and take the easy way out by surgery as she has no will power - omg can you even freakin imagaine - the girl was terribly hurt but said it looked bad on her sister and her action/behaviour not the wls gal/her for being one that had lost weight!
I am actually looking forward to the "not being the topic" in the room or the dont recognize me part- or hubby has a new wife - ya and his new wife has the same name as is first - oohhh coincidence- duh! - I have had enough of the jaw dropping to last me a lifetime! And I hate hate hate when people- very casual aquaintances will ask in the same sentence how much did you lose - like how much did you actually weigh - hmmmm I may be blonde by why dont you just say so how much do you way now???? LOL- man people cross the line!
Enjoy your visit with your daughter - hopefully the band bubble issue will stay mild coming home too - god but you could eat steak - wow that is one hard food to deal with post op for any wls.
Cheers
deb
STARTING 2010 WITH A BANG! 160 LBS LOST!
WLS JOURNEY: HW-292/SW-273/CW-132-GOAL 125LBS
WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK IT - ME - 132 LBS ! omg
- Happy to be Brenda B's angel !
Actually, the feeling good about myself, self confidence etc is not entrenched yet. It doesn't take a lot for me to get nasty with myself. I have to catch myself and turn it around. If someone is angry at me, I immediately launch into the "I am no dam good, ....unlovable,... it's all my fault,.... everything in my fault etc etc etc " self talk all too easily. I have to get to the point where I can have a conflict, or just deal with a moody family member without putting myself down. I don't take criticism well yet. The outside looks fine...possibly even appears to have a superior attitude, but the inside is in full self destruct. It's easy when life is smooth. Like I said, a work in progress.
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