Realmessy's not so excellent adventure.
Well I went for my fill. I called Lise and arranged to go in without the help of Natalie. I have been so hungry - tummy growls a lot and you can hear it across the room and I have to go to bed early at night so that I don't eat too much. But I still eat too much because I am hungry all the time and I had gained about 10 pounds then lost 3 and now, post fill and on liquids I am only up 5 pounds from my all time low.
This whole fill thing has me bothered in a number of ways. Here is my take on it.
Disclaimer - I am not bashing the girls at the clinic. They are wonderful, kind, caring ladies who do their best and give their best to each and every one of their patients. I love them dearly and rely on their advice and encouragement. BUT this is my experience. It is not the norm I am sure, but it is mine. And not to discourage waiters or newbies because as I read more about others and their experience, I see that my issues are unusual, so don't use me as a point of reference
First of all - I get very nerved up about it - I wish I could just go get a fill without worrying about it but that is not my nature - never will be.
Secondly, I hate blind fills. My theory is how the heck do they know they are not doing damage to the port if they can't flippin' see it?
Thirdly - I carry a fair amount of belly fat. I am not the usual pear shaped lady - I carry my fat like a guy - around the middle and upper body. So although I can feel my port when I am standing - it disappears when they get me on the table with that darned pillow under my back. They have to push and poke and prod and it hurts. My port area has been sore by times but is always always tender to the touch.
And this time they ask if Caroline can try to do the fill because she is learning. Okay whatever, it is not a pleasant experience on a good day so what's the diff - sure.
So I am on my back with the pillow under me and now they say make a hard belly. So for 5 to 8 minutes I have to do a crunchie while they poke and prod and try to find my port. They stick me - missed it - "Can you feel it if I hit the side of it?" "Nope" says I. Push some more - stick again - missed it. Do this 2 or 3 more times. I am trying to be nice here but OUCH FLIPPIN' OUCH!!! Do it again - 2,3,4 times. And then I break a sweat from her hovering over me - I have issues with people getting that close to me. Then Lise comes closer and I have real issues with the 2 of them hovering and I sweat even more. The glasses steam up and I just want out of there NOW.
So I have been making a hard belly for like 5 minutes and my neck is starting to hurt. And then all of a sudden - "There got it!" Wow, how nice!
So I was hoping that I would get maybe a cc or at least a half cc. Now this is the other issue I have. I have a difficult time discerning if the water is going down. I can't tell if its going through no matter how cold the water is. And I panic. Due to my Barret's Esophagus disease, I used to get stuck on a tylenol before surgery and before they got me on Nexium to heal the lesions in my esophagus. I am fearful that they will put too much and I will end up not being able to swallow my own spit because that has happened to me so many times long before I ever had the band surgery. So I swallow - and I panic. Is the fill too much? Will I get stuck? I can't tell if the water is going down. Give me more water. "No", they say, "that's enough." "But I can't tell" I say. "It feels full, well maybe not. Oh I don't know".
So how much do they end up putting after all that? A whopping .25 cc that is POINT 25, And do I have restriction? Heck I don't know I am just now getting off mixed liquids. I could cry - really just cry. And then I read about Stephen who had 2 holes in his tubing and no restriction and belly fat and now a port replacement and I am thinking gosh - I could become a full blown hypochondriac here worrying about all this.
The bottom line is I have lost about 50 pounds in 10 months. That works out to an average of 1.25 pounds per week. And I have lost a total of about 70 pounds since my all time highest weight back in July of last year (lost 30 pound just prior to surgery). Now I am happy with that. really ecstatic but the rest of the weight I want to lose is becoming an issue. I feel like if I can't find my sweet spot and get to where I need to be, I will be lugging this 50 pounds around forever.
Suffice it to say - the first SOB who says I took the easy way out is gonna get clocked. Really. This is not easy. Not by a long shot. 1 cup of food per meal but it must be about 300 calories and have about 15-20 grams of protein. And 3 little snacks of only 100 calories with a few grams of protein included. And at least 1.5 litres or water a day but no more (I was accustomed to 2 to 3 litres a day). And exercise - even though you hate it and would rather sit and knit or hook a rug because those are my passions - not running a flippin' marathon or whatever - kudos to those who do but I am not there yet and doubt I ever will be. EASY? Like H#LL!!!!
But would I change things - NOPE NOT ON A BET. I love being able to get down on the floor with my grandchildren. I love being able to go and do with my dear husband. I love that I am not winded after a flight of stairs. I love that I can bend over and tie my shoes, cross my legs, sit cross legged, do my housework without having to sit down every 5 minutes and so much more so, no I would not change a thing. Well maybe just let me have my fills under floro and get me to my sweet spot, that is all I would change.
So thanks for listening guys - thanks for letting me spout off - I feel better now. Once I get back on food I will let you know if I have restriction.
Ann
This whole fill thing has me bothered in a number of ways. Here is my take on it.
Disclaimer - I am not bashing the girls at the clinic. They are wonderful, kind, caring ladies who do their best and give their best to each and every one of their patients. I love them dearly and rely on their advice and encouragement. BUT this is my experience. It is not the norm I am sure, but it is mine. And not to discourage waiters or newbies because as I read more about others and their experience, I see that my issues are unusual, so don't use me as a point of reference
First of all - I get very nerved up about it - I wish I could just go get a fill without worrying about it but that is not my nature - never will be.
Secondly, I hate blind fills. My theory is how the heck do they know they are not doing damage to the port if they can't flippin' see it?
Thirdly - I carry a fair amount of belly fat. I am not the usual pear shaped lady - I carry my fat like a guy - around the middle and upper body. So although I can feel my port when I am standing - it disappears when they get me on the table with that darned pillow under my back. They have to push and poke and prod and it hurts. My port area has been sore by times but is always always tender to the touch.
And this time they ask if Caroline can try to do the fill because she is learning. Okay whatever, it is not a pleasant experience on a good day so what's the diff - sure.
So I am on my back with the pillow under me and now they say make a hard belly. So for 5 to 8 minutes I have to do a crunchie while they poke and prod and try to find my port. They stick me - missed it - "Can you feel it if I hit the side of it?" "Nope" says I. Push some more - stick again - missed it. Do this 2 or 3 more times. I am trying to be nice here but OUCH FLIPPIN' OUCH!!! Do it again - 2,3,4 times. And then I break a sweat from her hovering over me - I have issues with people getting that close to me. Then Lise comes closer and I have real issues with the 2 of them hovering and I sweat even more. The glasses steam up and I just want out of there NOW.
So I have been making a hard belly for like 5 minutes and my neck is starting to hurt. And then all of a sudden - "There got it!" Wow, how nice!
So I was hoping that I would get maybe a cc or at least a half cc. Now this is the other issue I have. I have a difficult time discerning if the water is going down. I can't tell if its going through no matter how cold the water is. And I panic. Due to my Barret's Esophagus disease, I used to get stuck on a tylenol before surgery and before they got me on Nexium to heal the lesions in my esophagus. I am fearful that they will put too much and I will end up not being able to swallow my own spit because that has happened to me so many times long before I ever had the band surgery. So I swallow - and I panic. Is the fill too much? Will I get stuck? I can't tell if the water is going down. Give me more water. "No", they say, "that's enough." "But I can't tell" I say. "It feels full, well maybe not. Oh I don't know".
So how much do they end up putting after all that? A whopping .25 cc that is POINT 25, And do I have restriction? Heck I don't know I am just now getting off mixed liquids. I could cry - really just cry. And then I read about Stephen who had 2 holes in his tubing and no restriction and belly fat and now a port replacement and I am thinking gosh - I could become a full blown hypochondriac here worrying about all this.
The bottom line is I have lost about 50 pounds in 10 months. That works out to an average of 1.25 pounds per week. And I have lost a total of about 70 pounds since my all time highest weight back in July of last year (lost 30 pound just prior to surgery). Now I am happy with that. really ecstatic but the rest of the weight I want to lose is becoming an issue. I feel like if I can't find my sweet spot and get to where I need to be, I will be lugging this 50 pounds around forever.
Suffice it to say - the first SOB who says I took the easy way out is gonna get clocked. Really. This is not easy. Not by a long shot. 1 cup of food per meal but it must be about 300 calories and have about 15-20 grams of protein. And 3 little snacks of only 100 calories with a few grams of protein included. And at least 1.5 litres or water a day but no more (I was accustomed to 2 to 3 litres a day). And exercise - even though you hate it and would rather sit and knit or hook a rug because those are my passions - not running a flippin' marathon or whatever - kudos to those who do but I am not there yet and doubt I ever will be. EASY? Like H#LL!!!!
But would I change things - NOPE NOT ON A BET. I love being able to get down on the floor with my grandchildren. I love being able to go and do with my dear husband. I love that I am not winded after a flight of stairs. I love that I can bend over and tie my shoes, cross my legs, sit cross legged, do my housework without having to sit down every 5 minutes and so much more so, no I would not change a thing. Well maybe just let me have my fills under floro and get me to my sweet spot, that is all I would change.
So thanks for listening guys - thanks for letting me spout off - I feel better now. Once I get back on food I will let you know if I have restriction.
Ann
Wow - I would call it a crappy adventure. And after all that - you really don't know if you have the restriction you require- at least not yet. Glad you feel better by venting - it does help sometimes. Because only people such as ourselves can truly understand the frustration - no matter how much "others" may say they do. Really - I think they should be reserving teaching other people to do fills - on the patients that are "easy" to do. That would make the most sense to me and be the kindest option. When and if you do go back - I would be a bit more assertive given your past experience - and insist that whoever does it has lots of expereince. Hope your tummy is gradually feeling better - it will probably take more than a few days after all that. Take care!
Ya for sure next time I am not going to be so easy going. I hate to do that, not be helpful but in this case - I have to be in this for me. I am after all the main reason I had this surgery. Its for me not anyone else. I love the girls at the clinic they are awesome and have been so helpful to me so I guess I just wanted to return the favour. I don't think I will do that again. It was just too hard.
Thanks for your understanding and support. I am on puree now and had a cup of food for breakfast and lunch and I did not have to have a snack this morning so I had a few more calories in my cup of food at lunch.
One meal at a time I guess for a while.
Thanks again,
Ann
Thanks for your understanding and support. I am on puree now and had a cup of food for breakfast and lunch and I did not have to have a snack this morning so I had a few more calories in my cup of food at lunch.
One meal at a time I guess for a while.
Thanks again,
Ann
Ann
First off- hugs - big gentle hugs.... kudo's to being able to express this and venting and getting if out there - not stuffing or eating the emotion.
I just spent the most amazing 5 days with 20 other women who have had all the types of WLS and no matter what the surgery - and most of these gals are at 2-6 years post op - so there were only a few of us at under 2 years and at goal or around it - so no matter what the process surgically what you have expressed was the same for everyone -
This is damn hard- damn scary and no the easy way out!!
Once you think you get the hang of it with the food /exercise gig- then the tough stuff hits big time and thats the mental / head stuff - wow what an awesome gift to myself to be open to learn about the bigger picture of this journey and also to face the fear of re-gain that so many have and to try to avoid the pitfalls they can pinpoint that brought them back to having to deal with the lbs again!
All of them would do it again in a heartbeat and know this is not the end of the journey- just the start and for all the years we dreamed of when I lose the weight I will....... fill in the blanks -it now is time to take action!
I admire you Ann and think you have what it takes- you can do this and will !!!
hugs
deb
First off- hugs - big gentle hugs.... kudo's to being able to express this and venting and getting if out there - not stuffing or eating the emotion.
I just spent the most amazing 5 days with 20 other women who have had all the types of WLS and no matter what the surgery - and most of these gals are at 2-6 years post op - so there were only a few of us at under 2 years and at goal or around it - so no matter what the process surgically what you have expressed was the same for everyone -
This is damn hard- damn scary and no the easy way out!!
Once you think you get the hang of it with the food /exercise gig- then the tough stuff hits big time and thats the mental / head stuff - wow what an awesome gift to myself to be open to learn about the bigger picture of this journey and also to face the fear of re-gain that so many have and to try to avoid the pitfalls they can pinpoint that brought them back to having to deal with the lbs again!
All of them would do it again in a heartbeat and know this is not the end of the journey- just the start and for all the years we dreamed of when I lose the weight I will....... fill in the blanks -it now is time to take action!
I admire you Ann and think you have what it takes- you can do this and will !!!
hugs
deb
STARTING 2010 WITH A BANG! 160 LBS LOST!
WLS JOURNEY: HW-292/SW-273/CW-132-GOAL 125LBS
WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK IT - ME - 132 LBS ! omg
- Happy to be Brenda B's angel !
Mary
I would like to go to an OH Event but so far no go! I would love to go with you !
This event was a yearly retreat put on by nawls-it was at a beach house (huge) to accomodate us all and was in Ocean Isle North Carolina about an hour outside of Myrtle Beach- if you have not read Katie Jay's story - do by all means!
www.nawls.com
I came together with 20 other women and boy oh boy did I learn a lot - I just added a whole other bunch of tools in my tool belt and will win this battle - its the start of gathering the support I need to be able to maintain and keep this weight off - this is the next phase figuring out why I ate in the first place -I know I was an emotional eater - but it is so much more and this is truly the hardest thing - the mental stuff - for me personally of this whole journey
thats why the regain for WLS is so high - the drs fix the stomach but you have to fix your head or you will end up walking that path again!
I CAN DO IT !
I WILL WIN THE BATTLE AND KEEP IT OFF - I HAVE THE POWER!!
hugs
deb
I would like to go to an OH Event but so far no go! I would love to go with you !
This event was a yearly retreat put on by nawls-it was at a beach house (huge) to accomodate us all and was in Ocean Isle North Carolina about an hour outside of Myrtle Beach- if you have not read Katie Jay's story - do by all means!
www.nawls.com
I came together with 20 other women and boy oh boy did I learn a lot - I just added a whole other bunch of tools in my tool belt and will win this battle - its the start of gathering the support I need to be able to maintain and keep this weight off - this is the next phase figuring out why I ate in the first place -I know I was an emotional eater - but it is so much more and this is truly the hardest thing - the mental stuff - for me personally of this whole journey
thats why the regain for WLS is so high - the drs fix the stomach but you have to fix your head or you will end up walking that path again!
I CAN DO IT !
I WILL WIN THE BATTLE AND KEEP IT OFF - I HAVE THE POWER!!
hugs
deb
STARTING 2010 WITH A BANG! 160 LBS LOST!
WLS JOURNEY: HW-292/SW-273/CW-132-GOAL 125LBS
WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK IT - ME - 132 LBS ! omg
- Happy to be Brenda B's angel !
OMG I just can't imagine what you went through. Here I am feeling sorry for myself (actually today is a better day). AND there are still people who think we took the easy way out. I mustn't ever complain again. They sleeve is way easier than what you gals are going throug with the fills and all. God bless you Ann.
Thinking of you and giving hugs.
love Carmen
Thinking of you and giving hugs.
love Carmen
(deactivated member)
on 10/10/09 10:12 am - Canada
on 10/10/09 10:12 am - Canada
I wonder for those who would like , why can't we be taught to do our own fills and unfills? I would'nt mind that, but as a former nurse and then phlebotomist, I am use to giving a needle. But just wondering if others would prefer to have the control of their own fills? I suppose some would abuse the procedure and that could cause medical problems. and whats this special needle I have heard about? Is it just a needle and syringe?
Sandralilla
It is a needle and syringe, but the needle is metal and close to the size of angel hair pasta.
Ann
It sure does hurt when that %&^$%^ needle slips off the side of the port. .... I agree with you- .25 cc is not going to get you to restriction. For your next fill, why don't you ask if you can have the first fill of the day and just hang around, so they can take some out if you are too full. How many cc are in your band? While some people get restriction after the addition of 1 cc- most of us seem to have at least 4 cc.
Kitty
It is a needle and syringe, but the needle is metal and close to the size of angel hair pasta.
Ann
It sure does hurt when that %&^$%^ needle slips off the side of the port. .... I agree with you- .25 cc is not going to get you to restriction. For your next fill, why don't you ask if you can have the first fill of the day and just hang around, so they can take some out if you are too full. How many cc are in your band? While some people get restriction after the addition of 1 cc- most of us seem to have at least 4 cc.
Kitty
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