Need to vent

Maybe I just have the winter blahs, but I am feeling discouraged. I expected to have surgery a month ago. Dr B would have gotten the report from the cardiologist on Friday. I got home too late on Friday to call Nathalie. I didn't think to call while I was in Moncton- dah! That would have been too easy. I swear, if I get through to Nathalie tomorrow and there isn't some good news, I will just break down a and cry.
The second thing that has me down is the scale. I lost very well in November. As I have confessed I gained a few in December and on a trip to NS. Well  I have lost all but 1.2 pounds. Since then I have been bouncing up and down the same 4 or 5 pounds for weeks.  UP 3 down 2, up 5, down 6, up 1 etc etc. I have not been an angel, but my daily calorie intake has been good most days. Since Friday I have been sick and have lost my voice (very happy hubby though!). Being sick and discouraged is not a good combo. Of course with a cold, I can;t accept  a cancellation. Chest colds tend to last for weeks and week with me too.

Wow Charline, you sure sound like you are frustrated and discouraged.  I understand how you feel.  It is so hard to be upbeat and positive when you want and need this surgery so much.  You have waited so long.  You are strong and you can hang on just a bit longer, I know it.  However, if you have an upper respiratory infection, perhaps that is a good thing that your call has not come yet, it will give you a chance to get this cold out of the way now so you are not coughing and sneezing etc with incisions and staples in your tummy.

As for the whole "up a bit, down a bit dance", I can so identify with you.  I wonder if you were to think back to what you were actually doing in November that was really working for you and then look what you are doing now to see if you are doing anything different and then go forward from there.  Often times we get in a rut and forget to pay attention to the little details that worked for us in the past.  It could be a little thing like drinking more water or consuming less carbs or moving more or less muscle building exercise.  Whatever it might be there has to be something you are doing different.

I still feel that you are going to get your call sooner than you think.  Drink lots of fluids for your cold and get as much rest as you can so your body can fight it off.  I will think good thoughts for you.  Hang in there girl.  Tomorrow is another day and anther chance to start off fresh.

Thinking of you,
Ann 

I know that I will feel better and more positive soon, but today I feel like I am flogging a dead horse! This cold is the last straw, because they will not operate on me if I have a cold. I have been burning the candle at both ends and not getting enough rest. On Wednesday before I headed for Halifax I was shaking, because I was so exhausted. Then I had 2 nights in a strange bed and Friday I was up at up early because I had meetings all day in Moncton. Of course by Friday night this cold had taken hold and I feel like it's my fault for not taking care as I know I should.
I ate so well on the trip that I thought that I would finally be down that last pound, but instead I was up a pound. AHHHH!  I did miss out on my exercise, but I did exercise Monday and Tuesday. Water could be part of the problem- I do have trouble getting the water in- I don't like the taste of water. Looking back, I note that some weeks I did well, but not others. That may explain the ups and down......I make not like the ups when I know I have earned them, but I accept it. But when I have been good and I gain, it is incredibly frustrating. Of course everyone here has been through this and I know you understand. 
Thanks for listening to my venting.  I will have a more positive outlook tomorrow.

As a point of interest did you know that your body will retain fluid when you are sick.  Continue to try to hydrate your sickly cells and if you haven't tried it before try Cold FX, it lessens your symptoms - not a cure but it helps. 

And Charline, think about this if you can.  Don't focus on your desire for the surgery, focus on what you need to do now, so that the surgery will be successful.  Pretend you have already had the surgery and try living each day the way you will have to once your are banded.  It might help you. 

And hang in there, your time will come, your surgery will be performed and you will look back on all this and be amazed that the time that seems so long now will seem far shorter on the other side. 

I hope you feel better soon.  Rest, hydrate, treat the symptoms.

Thinking good thoughts for you,
Ann

Aww Charline, it is so hard waiting for something and it's like it's so close but so far away. You always seem so upbeat and bubbly. It's O.K. to feel down sometimes. It will pass. Maybe you've had a hard week with a cold and the added fustration of not hearing from Dr. B. and the waiting. We have all been so patient for so long  and we have held our tongues when we wanted to scream from fustration. I felt that way last spring. I had wanted (hoped) to be done last year. Don't know why I had myself made believe it was going to be but it wasn't. Sometimes you just feel hopeless. That's a natural, human feeling too. I promise, it will pass. Take a deep breath, square you shoulders, head up. You KNOW that this time 3 months from now you will be done. You may not know when within the next 3 months but you know you will. That's light to look towards. Last year this time you weren't even  close. Now, by the end of April, you will be done. Drink lots of fluids, chomp the vit c take decongestants and the cold will pass too. Keep smiling Charline.:)

I do know that this will pass. I also know this is temporary and thanks for the encouragement. I do hope I don't have to wait 3 months. I know better but I have my heart set on February. After all Dr B said I would be done by Christmas.....that was before the wait for the cardiologist.  Oh well- it happen when it happens! When I have that horrible gas pain in my shoulder, I will be saying "I asked for THIS??!"  You guys can tell be to go stuff it! LOL

I feel you Charline, because I too was expecting to have surgery before Christmas. I think it's ok to be discouraged and down for a few, so enjoy the moment but just don't let yourself dwell in the "blah" phase too long.

Concerning the weight thing, It's hard but you can do it. I've been taking baby steps in the past couple of weeks. I've been changing some habits around like no pepsi, no chocolate, no restaurants, and only protein, food, vegetable and complex carbs. Take it one day at a time and only weigh yourself once a week!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your pounds change around so often that if you weigh yourself more than that - it will drive you Crazy woman!!! 

also take it this way, odviously you haven't had your surgery yet because the timing wasn't right. Now that's you've been cleared on your heart, you should be put in next in line! You are getting so close my dear!!! Keep the faith :)

Your turn will be coming soon !

Thanks. I won't stay blah too long. I will feel better after another good night's sleep.
Tomorrow I will fill my water bottle in the morning and go for my 30 minute walk at noon. I will have my 3/4 cup of Cheerios and Bran Bud cereal with soy milk for breakfast and apple for snack. Lunch will be a 230 calorie shake, as usual. Supper will be whatever hubby cooks on a small plate.  Today I can't say that with enthusiasm and a smile but tomorrow I will smile even if I have to force it!
I will soldier on, but for today I feel like s**t.
You know the funny thing is that I really don't want a call until I get that last pound gone, I just can't seem to get that last pound GONE!

I know it seems like forever waiting, but it won't be much longer.  Don't count the days or weeks, that will drive you insane.  Just know it's coming.  Easy for me to say cause it's already done for me...but in the same breath i can tell you that once it's done, it's not a whole lot different than before it's done.  It's still alot of willpower, water drinking, exercising, dieting, counting everything,  etc, etc. etc.  The only difference being, that you will feel fuller on smaller portions, ONCE YOU HAVE RESTRICTION, and not before.  No   one is going to stop you from eating once you are full, even bandsters do it and unfortunately can ruin it for themselves. Willpower becomes more important afterward because we need to take care of our surgical procedure.  Don't wish your time away.  Take advantage of the pre-op period to focus on the band rules and get ready.  Lose as much as you can on your own (and I do know you are trying), but you seem sad that your surgery hasn't been booked yet and I don't want you to focus on the surgery.  Focus on the results of your willpower.

I don't want this to be read as a lecture or a know-it-all perspective, I am just trying to be supportive and make suggestions that can help.  There are lots of days when I'm sliming and stuck or PBing and think If I didn't have the band this would happen.  Not that I would ever wish to reverse it because I wouldn't give it up for the world.  I think we wish for the band so bad, because it's not easy to get.   We always want what we can't have...we are only human.

Live each day to the fullest and do what you can to prepare.  Your day will come.  Things happen when you least expect it.  It's like waiting for a pot of water to boil.

I wish i could wave a magic wand and book surgery for all the waiters.

Hang in there, your day will come.  trust me.

 I have to confess that expounding willpower causes me to panic. The thought that I can't eat panics me. There isn't another way to describe the way it makes me feel. No matter what the diet, I have to be able to eat something. Normally I just don't ever eat everything that I am allowed on a diet, the result is no panic.  I haven't figured out how I am going to handle the Optifast yet, I will have to talk to Rinnette to see if I can have zero calorie jello or something; just to prevent the panic.
After wards, I will have planned meals and will be able to save something so that I am never out of food. I don't know why I have this reaction. I don't have a history of having been starved as a child or anything like that. I can resist eating as long as I can eat. As far as bandster hell, I am not too concerned about losing weight before my first fill, I plan to try to maintain the weight I lost on Optifast and post-op. I may be living in a dream world and will find out that my plan is just a pipe dream.
Thanks for your support.