Final Few Days

Hi everyone,
Well its my final few days before the Big Day.  I have lots to do this weekend but in the doing my mind is very busy thinking about my surgery and the changes it will make to my life.  I am sitting here very early this morning, sipping a decaffeinated green tea (Lise approved green tea while on Optifast because I was missing something warm to drink in the mornings) thinking about the entire process thus far.  It has been amazing!  One of the most amazing things is finding this forum.  I have said it many times but I must say again that the people on this forum are THE BEST!  I have been met here by nothing but understanding, encouragement, kindness and care. The openness of each of you to share and to care is wonderful and has helped me make my decision with confidence and with clarity.  

This experience has really just begun.  All the events leading up to the actual surgery were just the foundation to the life change I am about to make. 

The research was so important.  I cannot stress enough the research required to prepare for this surgery.  You need to know everything you can find out about your chosen surgery. 

One important thing that perhaps I have not talked about much is the psychological preparation that one should seek out.  I had sought mental health assistance in the past for a life crisis and was able to contact that therapist again when I got my consultation appointment.  I actually saw her before I saw Dr. Beau.  Together we looked very closely at the reasons why I eat, what motivates me, what I get emotionally from stuffing my face with anything and everything.  We did this over the space of a half dozen or so meetings.  It was gut wrenching at times but I have now come to understand my problem, my eating disorder I guess you could call it even though I am not anorexic or bulimic. Learning what causes me to overeat was a real help to me during the 2 weeks of Optifast.  I have found it incredibly easy to stay away from food to just have my shakes and to continue to work and play and interact with my family in a normal way.  I don't think it would have been as easy if I had not addressed the psychological aspect of the process.  I would encourage all of you who are waiting for surgery to address this aspect of your personality.  It is most important and I would say essential to success.  The psychologist who speaks at the info sessions for Dr. Beau offers her services and I would strongly suggest that you have at least one or 2 visits with her.  Dr. Savoie doesn't appear to have anything like that set up yet but maybe your family doctor could refer you to someone for this kind of preparation.

I still worry about the surgery itself and I have very real fears about it but I know that whatever happens I have made the right decision for me.  and that is IT isn't it; you have to be really certain that this is the right thing FOR YOU.  I have discussed my fears with my husband and he supports me and believes that I am on the right path.  He loves me and I am so lucky for that.  But also, if I were to back out of this tomorrow, he would support that decision as well.  He is one amazing man.  We are a solid team and we have had 40 years to learn that no matter what, we can face anything together.  I am truly blessed.  And my sons, good men both, have rallied around and are supporting me too.  Whether they agree with my decision or not they are supporting me and that means so much to me.

So as I finish up my Christmas shopping and as I put up my tree and wrap a few gifts this weekend I am content in my decision.  I am nervous but I am confident that things will go just fine.  I have enough leave that I can take the entire month of December off and will do so if needed.  I will be on mushies by Christmas and so pureed a Christmas dinner is something I will look forward to.  But if it had to be warm broth and jello I would be fine with that too.  So long as our family can be together that is all that matters. 

Thanks to all of you for all your support.  For reading my long posts and for understanding what its like to live in this body and what its like to dream of a life unemcumbered by obesity. 

I will post on Tuesday morning just before I leave for the hospital and as soon as I am home and can sit here at my computer, I will post to let you know how things went.

Toodles for now,
Ann

Ann,

I can only try to imagine what you're going through...  I agree that the mental part is huge.  That is exactly why I want to get rid of this fluff since I feel it doesn't belong to me.

When I was 18, I was violated and since then, I have protected myself by the weight.  A major reason of the operation is not only to be healthy but to also shed the pain that is overdue... if that makes sense to anyone out there.

Now that my heart and my mind is healthy (that could be discussed )  I want myself again.  I'm married now and he adores me.  I adore him and it's only fair to make a drastic desicion to change our lifestyle.

Here is a wonderful poem I fell on that inspired me...  this is for you...

Goodbye

I had to say goodbye today
To someone I've known all my life
I had to say goodbye to myself

Not my true self
My old self
The self that used to be a huge part of me
Goodbye old self

I will not list all the bad things about her
I will not trash her or hate her or feel guilty about being her
I will simply say goodbye
I no longer need her

I have not been her for a long time
I have not needed her for a long time
It was finally time
To say goodbye

The best thing about saying goodbye
Is saying Hello, to the new me
The me that's been watching over my shoulder this whole time
Waiting for me to see her, to be her.

She's been waiting patienly with love and a smile
Guiding me, urging me, pushing me.
And now she is embracing me

Hello new me!

Thank you so much Rachel,  What a lovely gift.  It is really very appropriate for me.  I am indeed saying good bye to the old me the me I used to be the one that protected me and sheltered me from the pain of the past.  I am now moving towards a new me, one who has embraced the things that have made me who I am and who is ready to welcome me into the new world of a thinner healthier woman. Charline W.  pointed out to me one day when I was feeling rather blue that basically I was grieving the loss of a lifestyle and of something that was a very intimate part of my life - my relationship with food. This poem will inspire me and thanks again.  You are a kind and caring woman.  

Ann

Best of luck Ann...I will be there with you through the whole thing.  You just won't be able to see me. I think you are doing the right thing.  I'm doing great.  I'm five weeks out now....wow how time flies.  It will for you too.  especially with xmas right around the corner.  We will all be thinking about you and praying for you.  The only thing I want to remind you about is how uncomfortable you will be for a day or two.  You will 5 incisions right where you bend so makes bending and sitting a bit difficult for a few days.  That was the only thing I was naive about so just wanted to remind you so you aren't surprised.  Best of Luck!  I am going to pm you with my phone number in case you need me.  Take care, Patsy

Ann, you are such a winner already!  My thoughts and prayers will be with you from now till after we hear from you after Tuesday.  Your preparedness is a true inspiration for anyone starting or still on this journey.

How right you are the many areas one must explore with such a life changing decision.  I have had many years of couselling, taking self esteem classes, read tons of self help books plus participated in a couple healing journeys to deal with my sexual abuse and abandonment issues.  I am a different person than even a few years ago and feel ready to make this change in my life at this time.  Sometimes I think it is good that there is a waiting list/time because not only is the research so important but also, like you said, you must be emotional prepared.  Sometimes it felt like food was our only friend and to say goodbye to who we thought we were is scary. 

Great poem!  Who would have though that a wls group could bring such Hallmark moments... pass a tissue please.

Take care Ann.  Do remember that I live in Moncton so if you need anything or your husband needs anything while waiting to feel free in giving me a call 384-3928 as I can be at the hospital in less than 20 minutes!

God bless,

Oh Michelle how nice of you.  Thanks for the offer of assistance.  I am truly so fortunate to have found all of you on this forum.  We will be fine, though I am sure.   I have 2 sons and daughters in law living in Moncton.  My husband is going to leave for a while after he knows I am fine to go to my oldest sons house and rest for a while .  Its 9 to 10 hours and that is going to be a long day for both of us so if he can get some rest at my son's house which is just 10 minutes away from the hospital, I will feel a lot better for him.  He is worried to but he has been my rock through all of this so far.  I am one lucky woman to have such a devoted husband.

As soon as I can I will be in touch.  Thanks again for your support and your kind offer.  It means a lot to know that you are there, thinking good thoughts for me.
Ann

Ann, all I can add is that your new life is about to begin . Its like being born again !   I hope that its all a piece of cake & you are quick to get over  the soreness ect.
I will be waiting to hear about the surgery & how you are feeling .
Take care , your hubby is a wonder ......GOOD LUCK .....LOVE YOU !!!