Keeping WLS a "secret"
Everyone please share your thoughts about our "secret". I am just so darn excited that I want to shout it from the roof-tops BUT I know there are some nay-sayers and negative people out there. I don't know who I should tell and who I shouldn't. I told one friend whom I trust and she thought it was great. Sooooooooooooo, I told another friend and ever since I told her she is acting weird, like sabotaging or envious. What does everyone think? and, how did you all handle it especially those of you who have had the surgery and lost a lot of weight. Thoughts please. Cheers, Sugarbear
I had the same questions a few weeks or so back. Someone gave me good advice. You can't "untell" your secret. Once you tell someone they know something that can be used against you or encouraged, and it could go either way.
I told my husband of course and my 2 adult sons. When I told them I said this - I have made a serious decision and I am going to share it with you. You may or may not agree with my decision but as my adult child I expect you to support me in this the way I have supported you in all your decisions through your life. I explained that I loved them and I wanted to live long enough to see their children have children and that the Lap Band is a tool that will help me do that and continue to be there for them. Both my boys - 22 and 33 are supporting me. Both think it is a good thing. And both have been sworn to secrecy. I have not told my parents they are both 75 and would not understand. They and anyone else including coworkers etc think I am having a hernia repair and some work done on my stomach due to a condition that I have and I am really not lying. I am having a hernia repaired if the doctor finds one and he is doing some work on my stomach. I did tell my very best friend. She has a weight problem and told me she would see how I do before she asks her doctor to refer her. But she is very supportive but then we have been as close as sisters for over 25 years. I knew she would support me even if she disagreed with my decision. Other than that, I have told nobody else. Its a personal decision for me. And I don't trust too many people to keep confidences. I have been burned in the past sharing a secret and ended up hearing about it from someone who was not supposed to know.
All that being said, you can always come here, shout here, we all will listen. I have been sharing my experience - probably too much on this forum. I write what I think because I don't have a lot of people to talk to about it and I don't want my surgery to be the only topic of conversation with my loved ones. But I can share anything on this forum about how I feel, my hopes, my desires for my future, my fears and anxieties and the folks here all rally around. They listen (well read) to what I have to say and comment in the most encouraging way.
Just remember, now that you have told that one friend who is now acting differently towards you, you can't untell her. She knows and will always know and it could end up adversely affecting your relationship. Be very careful who you tell. But tell the people you know you can trust and who will support you. Because you will need all the support you can get. This is not a Mickey Mouse operation and you need people to lean on.
I am happy for your joy. I have lived it and I know how great you feel right now. Its awesome isn't it?
Have a great day.
Ann
I told my husband of course and my 2 adult sons. When I told them I said this - I have made a serious decision and I am going to share it with you. You may or may not agree with my decision but as my adult child I expect you to support me in this the way I have supported you in all your decisions through your life. I explained that I loved them and I wanted to live long enough to see their children have children and that the Lap Band is a tool that will help me do that and continue to be there for them. Both my boys - 22 and 33 are supporting me. Both think it is a good thing. And both have been sworn to secrecy. I have not told my parents they are both 75 and would not understand. They and anyone else including coworkers etc think I am having a hernia repair and some work done on my stomach due to a condition that I have and I am really not lying. I am having a hernia repaired if the doctor finds one and he is doing some work on my stomach. I did tell my very best friend. She has a weight problem and told me she would see how I do before she asks her doctor to refer her. But she is very supportive but then we have been as close as sisters for over 25 years. I knew she would support me even if she disagreed with my decision. Other than that, I have told nobody else. Its a personal decision for me. And I don't trust too many people to keep confidences. I have been burned in the past sharing a secret and ended up hearing about it from someone who was not supposed to know.
All that being said, you can always come here, shout here, we all will listen. I have been sharing my experience - probably too much on this forum. I write what I think because I don't have a lot of people to talk to about it and I don't want my surgery to be the only topic of conversation with my loved ones. But I can share anything on this forum about how I feel, my hopes, my desires for my future, my fears and anxieties and the folks here all rally around. They listen (well read) to what I have to say and comment in the most encouraging way.
Just remember, now that you have told that one friend who is now acting differently towards you, you can't untell her. She knows and will always know and it could end up adversely affecting your relationship. Be very careful who you tell. But tell the people you know you can trust and who will support you. Because you will need all the support you can get. This is not a Mickey Mouse operation and you need people to lean on.
I am happy for your joy. I have lived it and I know how great you feel right now. Its awesome isn't it?
Have a great day.
Ann
Thank you for your great words of wisdom. Untelling is definitely not possible and I really regret telling that one "friend". Damage control is next I guess. We go to TOPS together but she made it perfectly clear that surgery is not an option for her. To each their own I guess. Again, thanks for your words of wisdom and continuous support. Cheers, Sugarbear
Hi,
I chose not to tell anyone for the first 2 years. And I have met people who have told everyone. It works both ways quite well. So, it really depends on the complete situation with each person.
I have a few reasons, and if I was to do it again...for me I would take the same approach.
Pros:
I was able to live a "normal" life without people asking about my personal surgery, because you know they will all ask about how it is going...when it is not going so hot.
My bumps along the road, were mine, not laid open for alot of discussion with others, and I discussed with people like you all here...the ones on the forums who actually know enough about it to bring real value into the equation.
It forced me to move on, and not focus all the time on me, me, me. (as I like to do :)
At work especially...where I do have a few friends, but generally I am a manager and the office people are colleagues, not part of my social circle...therefore....none of their flipping business...and there I am sure the chit chat around the water cooler would not always have been so "in my favor" and corporately...I am a professional woman...I do not want my personal battles discussed at the office. Simple as that. (And...I will interject...I did not tell anyone at my office to this day), if they hear it from outside, small town and all that...so be it. But...it is certainly not a topic anyone would now bring up to my face, if they got their info from outside gossip. So..this works really well I must say.
I was the first in my area in Canada to have the DS...at the time it was not even offered. If you don't know about it...you can land on some scary webpages. SO...bottom line...I did not want to justify my decision.
And more then a little part of me was really probably thinking...this is a drastic step...if it doesn't work, then then it is my little hell..not a situation I wanted the world in on. I looked at it a bit like quiting smoking....let me get this first week under my belt..then when I really feel successful...I will see what I will do. I had no idea until after 2 years if I would EVER tell anyone. And I think one of the reasons I did...was not because I felt I had to...but because at this point...all my earlier reasons are not so important. I am in Canada every other month, not once a year for 2 weeks, I was very successful..so no hell, and it just felt right on the day.
It makes it easier in the weight loss groups...For those that are in tops or WW...think long and hard about sharing with that circle...I hear most often those that just don't get it...sort of think we are "cheating" and not as deserving as they are when we do loose. Maybe you don't find that in your group...and I don't go...but I do hear it alot folks. Mind you....I expect this is a disgruntled group later down they line if they hear.
Cons
I would often be bursting with news, or excitement...and felt I had no one to share with. But you know what...it really is the people we meet onthese forums who understand. The others don't really get it so much. For all of those who hit plateaus...which is all of us. It is great to pass one of these...but who will appreciate it? the guys and gals here who have been there.
I had a hiatus hernia repair...so I felt technically i was telling the truth....but when people who wanted to share in your "diet" success by trying the same diet...asked my point blank what did I do to loose my weight as they want to try...I did feel bad saying... changed my eating habits, healthy eating, etc. Now I must say...after I did tell them this summer...the 2 or 3 that I felt bad about point blank told me...they totally understood no feelings of fraud.
so...you choose for you. I am glad the family and friends know now. and I am glad it is not discussed at work. So, I am in my happy place over my decision on who or who not to tell....are you?
and...you can not untell...as we hear above!
I chose not to tell anyone for the first 2 years. And I have met people who have told everyone. It works both ways quite well. So, it really depends on the complete situation with each person.
I have a few reasons, and if I was to do it again...for me I would take the same approach.
Pros:
I was able to live a "normal" life without people asking about my personal surgery, because you know they will all ask about how it is going...when it is not going so hot.
My bumps along the road, were mine, not laid open for alot of discussion with others, and I discussed with people like you all here...the ones on the forums who actually know enough about it to bring real value into the equation.
It forced me to move on, and not focus all the time on me, me, me. (as I like to do :)
At work especially...where I do have a few friends, but generally I am a manager and the office people are colleagues, not part of my social circle...therefore....none of their flipping business...and there I am sure the chit chat around the water cooler would not always have been so "in my favor" and corporately...I am a professional woman...I do not want my personal battles discussed at the office. Simple as that. (And...I will interject...I did not tell anyone at my office to this day), if they hear it from outside, small town and all that...so be it. But...it is certainly not a topic anyone would now bring up to my face, if they got their info from outside gossip. So..this works really well I must say.
I was the first in my area in Canada to have the DS...at the time it was not even offered. If you don't know about it...you can land on some scary webpages. SO...bottom line...I did not want to justify my decision.
And more then a little part of me was really probably thinking...this is a drastic step...if it doesn't work, then then it is my little hell..not a situation I wanted the world in on. I looked at it a bit like quiting smoking....let me get this first week under my belt..then when I really feel successful...I will see what I will do. I had no idea until after 2 years if I would EVER tell anyone. And I think one of the reasons I did...was not because I felt I had to...but because at this point...all my earlier reasons are not so important. I am in Canada every other month, not once a year for 2 weeks, I was very successful..so no hell, and it just felt right on the day.
It makes it easier in the weight loss groups...For those that are in tops or WW...think long and hard about sharing with that circle...I hear most often those that just don't get it...sort of think we are "cheating" and not as deserving as they are when we do loose. Maybe you don't find that in your group...and I don't go...but I do hear it alot folks. Mind you....I expect this is a disgruntled group later down they line if they hear.
Cons
I would often be bursting with news, or excitement...and felt I had no one to share with. But you know what...it really is the people we meet onthese forums who understand. The others don't really get it so much. For all of those who hit plateaus...which is all of us. It is great to pass one of these...but who will appreciate it? the guys and gals here who have been there.
I had a hiatus hernia repair...so I felt technically i was telling the truth....but when people who wanted to share in your "diet" success by trying the same diet...asked my point blank what did I do to loose my weight as they want to try...I did feel bad saying... changed my eating habits, healthy eating, etc. Now I must say...after I did tell them this summer...the 2 or 3 that I felt bad about point blank told me...they totally understood no feelings of fraud.
so...you choose for you. I am glad the family and friends know now. and I am glad it is not discussed at work. So, I am in my happy place over my decision on who or who not to tell....are you?
and...you can not untell...as we hear above!
DS Surgery June 2006, Been fine every since. Weight stays the same. Rarely remember I had surgery.....except for the daily vitamins.
At first I wanted to tell everyone. Finding this group and being able to have other people who are going threw the same has really helped me alot. I can contain myself a bit better now. Also and I don't know where this has come from but now that I have made the decision telling people is embarassing for me. I feel like people are going to judge me even worse now cause I have given them the opening to talk about my weight. I feel like most will think how could she let it get this far. :(
All that a side I AM SOOOOOO EXCITED!!!! The wait is going to kill me :)))
All that a side I AM SOOOOOO EXCITED!!!! The wait is going to kill me :)))
Oh please don't feel embarrassed. You are doing what is best for you to get to where you need to be. Yes there is the stigma that WLS is the easy way out. Well I beg to differ. There is absolutely nothing and I mean NOTHING easy about this. It is a gut wrenching decision on so many levels. Its hard to admit you can't lose the weight and keep it off like a lot of other people. It's hard to jump through all the hoops that the doctors want you to jump through at least if you are seeing Dr. Beau. He wants weight loss and committment and there are numerous visits to the hospital to see him and the nurse. There is nothing easy about the 2 week Optifast/Slimfast diet either. Sure its okay and it is do-able but its tough, plain and simple. See my comments on another thread about me wanting to eat something a friend at work was having. It is so hard to see others eat and know that you can't and you want to but have to keep saying to yourself - I have to shrink my liver so the doctor will be able to place the band. And there is nothing easy about making a committment to eating a different way for the rest of your entire life. Don't be embarrassed about saving your own life. I hope you can be proud of that. Your emotions will probably run high and low and sometimes both at the same time but you are saving your life and that is the most admirable thing about this. You have to be a very strong person to do this. The people who have no concept of the pain and agony and shame that we have that is associated with obesity are the people who will have something negative to say. But quite frankly it is none of their @#$% business. They have no right to judge you. I hope you can be proud and strong and that you can be who you are. And when you have reached your goal I hope you can look back on the entire experience and smile because you did a good thing.
I just spent 10 days in close quarters with my 4 adult children and I didn't say a word. Mind you I was reading some of my books on WLS on the flight but if they saw the title, no one mentioned it. I will tell them after the fact. When exactly I am not sure. When they notice I am eating less, I will say that I am on a doctor recommended diet- which is true! One of my girls is aware that I was on a waiting list for surgery for 4 years because I was considering it, but I have not said that I have started the process. My hubby and 1 best work friend and my best friend for the past 35 years all know and of course, my buddies here. My best friend has decided to join me and has asked her doctor to send a referal to Dr S.
. 
I have not been keeping my surgery a secret from anyone, including my employer. I don’t care what people think.
I’m 26 years old, I have high cholesterol, I’m pre diabetic, I have severe acid reflux, and I’m asthmatic. My father had a massive heart attack when he was 30…I’m 4 years away from 30.
I’m choosing life and if someone has a problem with that they can shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. I have not reaction received a negative yet and I have told many people. I’m pretty blunt person so I’m sure people may be talking about it behind my back instead of to my face- but that’s a waste of their energy not mine.
I’ve been with the same company for 7 years so most of my coworkers have seen me play the weight yo-yo. I could have probably lost 100 pounds and people would have thought it was my own doing, but I’m not ashamed to admit I need help.
I find the most judgemental people I have seen so far is the obese folks! I say whatever, you won't think that way once you see my skinny ass!
I’m doing what my doctor thinks is best for me and I don’t think anyone has the right to judge that.
I respect people who keep it a secret too; I guess it just depends on the person. To those of you keeping it a secret, I do think I would be extremly mad if my mom had surgery without telling me, but that's just me.
I’m 26 years old, I have high cholesterol, I’m pre diabetic, I have severe acid reflux, and I’m asthmatic. My father had a massive heart attack when he was 30…I’m 4 years away from 30.
I’m choosing life and if someone has a problem with that they can shove it where the sun doesn’t shine. I have not reaction received a negative yet and I have told many people. I’m pretty blunt person so I’m sure people may be talking about it behind my back instead of to my face- but that’s a waste of their energy not mine.
I’ve been with the same company for 7 years so most of my coworkers have seen me play the weight yo-yo. I could have probably lost 100 pounds and people would have thought it was my own doing, but I’m not ashamed to admit I need help.
I find the most judgemental people I have seen so far is the obese folks! I say whatever, you won't think that way once you see my skinny ass!
I’m doing what my doctor thinks is best for me and I don’t think anyone has the right to judge that.
I respect people who keep it a secret too; I guess it just depends on the person. To those of you keeping it a secret, I do think I would be extremly mad if my mom had surgery without telling me, but that's just me.
Hi Scartears....
You put it all very well. And as an equally blunt person...I expected my kids to be annoyed...but was so surprised when they understood..and seemed to understand my choices.
They would have been annoyed if I had told many others and notthem...as long as I was consistant...I think this made a difference.
Who knows...I would be really mad at my mother...and I knew this going into my surgery..but for me...this worked best...and WLS...is all about me! We need to be healthy to be able to live to take care of everything else!
Take Care,
C
You put it all very well. And as an equally blunt person...I expected my kids to be annoyed...but was so surprised when they understood..and seemed to understand my choices.
They would have been annoyed if I had told many others and notthem...as long as I was consistant...I think this made a difference.
Who knows...I would be really mad at my mother...and I knew this going into my surgery..but for me...this worked best...and WLS...is all about me! We need to be healthy to be able to live to take care of everything else!
Take Care,
C
DS Surgery June 2006, Been fine every since. Weight stays the same. Rarely remember I had surgery.....except for the daily vitamins.
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