Feeling kinda funny tonight

Hi Guys,  Just wanted to share something with all the other waiters and all the already banded.  I am feeling almost blue tonight.  I am expecting my Optifast tomorrow and so hope that tomorrow will be the start of my 2 weeks of shakes and that tomorrow's lunch will be my last real food meal for a few weeks.  But altough I am excited about the next step in the process, I am kind of sad.  I am sad about all that I did and all that has happened to me for me to get to this point.  All the years of overeating when I should have been focused on enjoying life not the food I was eating.  It is pouring rain here and has been very dreary all day so perhaps that is part of it.  My husband is also working til 11 tonite so I have been alone all day and maybe that is a factor as well.  I don't know.  I am wondering if Patsy or Krista or any other banded or bypass people had this same kind of low spot right before saying goodbye to food and saying hello to shakes and then clear liquids/mixed liquids.  I am truly excited about moving forward towards my surgery.  I am ecstatic that this is finally coming to pass after such a long wait.  But I am sad too and I find that confusing.  I have said before I am completely content in my decision to do this.  It is right for me and for my family.  It is hope for a longer life and a healthier lifestyle.  I just find it funny that I should be feeling sad too.
Ann 

Hi Ann,
Perhaps it is my profession, but I don't find it funny at all.You have made the right decision. BUT you are about to experience a drastic change in your life. You are  about to experience a loss in your life. Maybe everything you ate was not the best choice, but food has been a comfort, and a friend for years. You will experience many losses through this process and just because you will gain more years of life, increased confidence and self esteem,  and better health, it doesn't mean you won.t grieve for the loss of foods that you will no longer be able to eat, favorite or special clothes that don't fit, shoes that will float on your feet, jeans that fit just right, eating rituals that are part of holidays, and the list goes on and on.   What you are feeling is normal. Give yourself permission to rejoice in the many victories ahead and to grieve for the losses that are real. In the end, these real losses are a small price to pay.  Grieve the loss, then reframe the loss into a positive, and rejoice in the victories.
Charline

Bless your heart Charline,  You nailed it again!  I so appreciate and value your comments.  You are right.  I am about to lose something, to say good bye to an aspect of my lifestyle that has been a very important part of who I am.  Reframing it is great advice.  All those things you list are not just things to grieve, they are things to celebrate, milestones to come as my process goes forward.  And yes these victories/losses are very small things in the big picture of my life.  Thanks so much for understanding.  I think that your ability to zero in on the issue at hand will stand you in good stead as you go forward in your own process.  Thanks for being there for me tonight.  You are a never met but very dear friend indeed.  I hope if you ever need a shoulder that I can be here for you.
Thanks so very much,
Ann

Gee, thanks Ann. (blush)

Didn't you say that you live near Moncton? I will be going to Moncton a lot and I travel up to Richibucto all summer. Plus I drive to NS about once a month.......all this is to says, I must go close to your home town on one of these routes, so we should get together for "coffee" one of these trips! I would love to meet you!  Just don't tell me you live in Albert County, it's about the only route I don't travel!!

Hi Ann, You're right in many ways.  The only emotion I had before surgery was, I was overweight my whole life and that's who I am.  Now when I'm not obese anymore, who will I be?  I didn't get sad so much as just reflecting on where I am in the journey and the road ahead.  Luckily  we don't lose the weight overnight, so we have time to adjust to the new "ME".  Let yourself feel the emotions but keep a grip on it and don't let your emotions get you off track.  You'll be fine.  Everything is better in the light of day!  Tomorrow is a new day !!!!!

Patsy

Thanks Patsy. I have a grip.  And like you I guess along with the blue feeling, I am very reflective.  I was thinking about what is different about me as I proceed with this process as compared to where I was in my head when I undertook the many diets and weight loss programs I have been on in the past.  Then it dawned on me.  Before I was in search of someone else.  You know the person I mean I am sure - the happy person, the person who would be a better person and have a better life and not be the miserable person I thought I was at the time.  But this time, I am not looking for her - for someone else.  Instead,  I am looking for the quality of life and the longevity. The person I was in seach of has been here all the time.  Its ME! only healthier and older and I hope wiser. Ya I am kinda blue but I am still very optimistic and clear headed about where I am going and what I intend to accomplish. This entire adventure thus far has been an experience that has made me face my fears, face my faults, and embrace who I am inside.  You and Charline and Scar and Cat and Catherine and all the others who have posted such encouraging and uplifting messages on this forum are definitely one of the nicest parts of the entire experience.  Good people supporting each other, helping each other and understanding what its like to be here.  What a wonderful opportunity this is.  I can hardly wait til we are all post surgery - what a great time we will have sharing it all as we go forward and maybe helping the new "waiters" as they come along.
Thanks again to you and everyone.
Ann

Hi Ann

Certainly what you are feeling is NORMAL - or at least as normal as any of us are....

Chances are it is the combination of everything you acknowledged - weather, hubby working, thoughts of "last meals" etc.  But reading your comments I feel the underlying positivity. 

In the past, for me anyway, most of my "weight loss" attempts were done with very little hope in achieving because of the many "failed" attempts previously.  Dieting was always a "what do I have to give up" time.  Sometimes food seemed to be my only friend and was certainly a highlight to most of my happy or feel good times - so it was hard to really give that up without feeling punished. 

Granted my procedure is different than yours but I think we both share a new found hope that this tool will really work for us.  I can now believe that there will be success and I can still enjoy what I like about food and finally have control.

But this means we are on a new journey of discovery - a healthy and happy self.  That can be a little scary and sad to leave our comfort zone - I could always use my weight as an excuse for many things that did not go my way (like not getting a promotion because the other candidate was skinnier or being left out of social activities because of being the big girl). 

So let your body be sad ... but only for a short while because you have such a bright future ahead - so if you get to far in the dumps we WILL come down and KICK your BUTT - with love of course!!!!

Oh thanks Michelle,  I am a firm believer that having people around me who are not above giving me a good butt kicking now and then is a requirement for living the good life.  I am so thankful for everyone on here. Thanks for your helpful words of encouragement and I consider that not a kick in the butt but a hug of encouragement.
Thanks again,
Ann