Dreams & paranoia

Every since I have found out that I am having surgery I have been getting these surgery dreams. Once I had this awful big open gashes on my stomach...

Last night I had my surgery and I woke up, and I remmeber having small incisions and being attached to a machine. I was very sore but feeling pretty good.  I remmeber telling myself  "You need to walk" to prevent blood cloths. My mother was there also and I had a machine on my finger.

It was weird because I could actually feel my band inside me.

I may be thinking or obessesing on this surgery too much. I am starting to get scared I'll feel claustophobic from the inside with the band. Does anyone know what I mean?

Silly moi!

i am not very afraid of surgery, I.m not thrilled with the idea of clamps.  I know what you mean about feeling claustophobic from the inside.  I am afraid of chocking on food, swallowing food too soon or by accident, like what happens with chips sometimes. I have a few fears about living with the band.

Your post just made me remmeber something about my dream! I was eating steak (which is a no no) and I took this HUGE bite and then a realized- OMG I have the band I can't do this and like you said I was choking! ARGH

What do you mean by "Clamps"

Yeah I've been freaking out about taking bites too- lately I've been attempting to chew my food at least 20-25 times just to get used to it and sometimes it goes down on it's own ! It's as if I can't control the food!   I inhale my food normally so I think the chewing is going to be super hard!

I think it will be easier to chew more and delay swallowing once you have had the surgery and have swallowed some water and know what its going to feel like.  My Barrett's esophagus, when it was at its worst, meant that I could not swallow large mouthfuls of things.  You learn pretty quickly not to swallow until you have chewed it to death and you learn what a sip truly should be as compared to a gulp.  I think so long as you do your best to try to restrain your bite sizes and your swallow sizes now, you will do remarkably well after surgery.  At least that is what I keep telling myself.  I am really trying to be careful and not to overdo it. 

One of my biggest fears is not surviving the surgery itself.  I am so afraid of not making it due to my size and my health problems.  Or worse yet have the doctor go in to do the surgery, find something wrong in there and not be able to install the band and I will wake up with incisions but no band.  I have had nightmares about that very thing a number of times. 

I think we are so hard on ourselves that our fears become very real for us.  We want and need this surgery so bad and we have waited so long that we are afraid that something will happen to ruin it for us. 

The fears are very real and the dreams are real too.  Maybe by sharing them we can take some of the power away from them.  At least we understand and can relate and can support one another.  It will be okay, we have to keep that thought. 

Ann

Thanks Ann,

I have been feeling the same way- what happens if they open me up,  find something and close me back up again!!! That would be horrible! So many different types of fears and this is probably why i have been having them in my dreams.

Making it through the surgery I'm not so scared of- My Surgeon told me I have .01% chances of dying- I mean that's a small percentage!
i'm just scared of waking up- feeling this big object in me and getting clausterphobic! So many silly little things huh?!  

Nothing silly about this at all.  They are very real fears that can overwhelm us if we don't share them.  I am totally claustrophobic, it took me ages to get used to my CPAP mask, so I can relate to your fears so much.  I am sure we will be okay but that does not change the little voice in the back of your brain.  I think having suffered from obesity and all the stigma that goes along with it, we tend to be more sensitive to these kinds of thoughts.  We worry when we walk into a room, what will people think of us, how will they see us; we all have been subjected to some form of obesity discrimination even on a very low level, like going into a store and being ignored by the staff.  Its sort of like we are so used to having things go wrong or go just a bit off or don't go well at all because of being overweight.  That being the case I think we transfer that to our surgery and start worrying about it and nurturing these fears. 
Let's just promise that we will keep good thoughts for one another and keep positive thoughts for ourselves.  Lean on me and I will lean on you and together we will get through this.  We are going to do great in surgery and we will be successful with the weight loss and we will look back and say there was no need to worry so much.
Ann

Hi,
Some things that helped me to worry less during surgery is to remind myself, that everyone around the table that day of your op is geared up for an obese person.  If something else was to happen to you in an emergency, and you needed surgery....you can be sure that not everyone is used to the obese. 

During these surgeries, they really know about how to anesthetize and manage larger people.  This is a really key thing.    And, yes there is a percentage chance of things not going well...but those percentages are there for all surgeries.  I don't have the stats to hand, but during my research I turned up stats that said as an obese person just having surgery was a higher risk, and having a surgeon and anesthesiologist and nurses and everyone on the team, ready for the larger person...has greatly reduced the risk.

So, what I mean is .... at any time you may need surgery...people have emergency surgeries all the time, and if you are overweight...you are at higher risk...in this case you are planning the surgery, reducing risk, and as well, if you ever need to go under again...you will be thin and trim...and reducing the risks then as well.  So, a double win!!

So...don't worry...you will be fine...and it is good planning and understanding risk which brings us to where we are today.