Reservation for 10

The reservation is under my name- Charline .  This message will self distruct in 10 seconds..9..8..7..6..5..4..3..2..boom!

OK firstly I need to apologize to anyone I may offend unintentionally.

I have been thinking about the meeting tonight, and the past few weeks I have been struggling with my weight.  I have gained a few pounds and I am trying very hard to get back on track.  Because of this, I am going to have to respectfully opt out of tonight's meeting. I just don't think I will be able to have a salad or something healthy when deep fried scallops and cheesecake are calling my  name.

My concern is meeting at restaurants.  We got to the weight we were by eating unhealthily and feeding our food addictions.  Our meeting at restaurants , to me, is like having an AA meeting at a Pub.  Even after WLS we still need to follow healthy eating habbits and make wise food choices, and not planning events or celebrations around food. I think we should try to find a meeting place that's free that does not serve food. Or a coffee shop or something like that.  I know allot of work goes into planning these meetings and I in no way want anyone to think I am complaining. I really appreciate all the work that goes into trying to schedule things.  I just feel convicted on this issue.

I'm sorry if I sound like a stick -in-the-mud

Any thoughts?

I hear what you are saying, Carol and have to agree with you somewhat.  I was just thinking when I was reading who was coming that I'll have to be careful what I order.....don't want anyone to see me order a hot chicken while we are talking about weight loss surgery.  But then again, it's all part of what we have to learn, making healthier choices and learning to live life as we know it.  Your comparison to an AA mtg at a pub really did strike a nerve, however.  I want to learn to go to these places and have the will to avoid that crap so right now I don't mind.  That may change after the surgery though...I may have to develop other strategies.  Please NO coffee shop....hate coffee but love the donuts, muffins, cookies that go with the coffee.  You are not a stick in the mud and it's important that you share those feelings.  Maybe Superstore has a room available and we can all chip in for a veggie and fruit platter.  Having said all that, I really am looking forward to eating out tonight and being bad while doing it.....sort of like one of the last few times that I have left to do so before the new life starts!!  We'll miss you!

Well. If it makes you feel any better, I do see where you are coming from. I was kind of wondering what you ate at these Support groups. I've never been to one, but isn’t a support group a place where you discuss how you will stop eating bad foods? (I couldn't completely wrong- let me know)

I think one of the major hurdles when going through WLS is that you need to stop making social functions about or around food. So when you go- do you try to pick the good food vs. the bad foods?

It's is hard. It’s just so natural when planning something to automatically associate that social event with food.

Like Carol said- no hard feelings and I hope I didn't offend anyone.

 Hi, Carol - 

I wanted to post this because I totally agree with you, and think you are brave for saying how you feel.

There may be some of us who are strong when faced with yummy fat-laden foods, but I would guess that there aren't many, otherwise we wouldn't be in this situation, making the extreme decision to have weight loss surgery.  Obviously  many of us struggle with temptation.  I don't want to be stuck in a situation where I'm watching, smelling, thinking about food when all I really want to do is meet some nice people, and discuss our decision.  I'm all about starting on this healthy path asap, not the second I get the band.  The thinking process has to change well before the band.  I don't want to see the next few months before surgery as a free pass to be "bad" and eat like there's no tomorrow.  The change has to happen first in our brains, not in our stomachs.  Even little changes, like where we choose to socialize.

Anyway, I really only speak for myself.  If you are stronger individuals who can get together and eat salad, then I have to say I am very jealous of you!  I know that whenever I've been at the Blue Canoe a salad was the *last* thing I wanted!  :D

I will put some thought into other venues.  I am so happy that there are people out there (Charline!!) who put so much time and energy into setting up meetings.  And maybe it's just Carol and I who are nutso and need to meet at a library or something (kidding, Carol...or AM I?)!

Just my .02.  

Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Well this group is still in the forming stage....well maybe a little into the storming stage..LOL This group is whatever we want it to be. I had  hoped that we would also grow to include some recreational activities like maybe occasionally walking and coffee meetings. Maybe a bowling night and a coffee after....if we want to make it a no sweets rule, that's fine. We could have occasional informative guests or classes. I'm thinking that we could ask the dietitian at Superstore to give us some nutrition lessons or a healthy cooking class. They usually only charge 10.00 a head for their classes. I don't know if they have a minimum number of participants, but it wouldn't hurt to ask.  I think the restaurant was a good no pressure way to start to get to know each other. I was relieved at our first meeting find out that I will still be able to enjoy going out for supper or lunch with my friends. I could skipp dinners with hubby, but my only social life is lunch or walking with my friends.  I know I will have to learn to better control my choices, but  I don't want to give it up. So the restaurant was a productive for me.
As for group dynamics groups go through becoming a group (forming), a pwer struggle or some kind friction (storming), and setting out the real rules (norming). We  now need to define what we want, and how we want to achieve it. Since we are a group of both before and after surgery folks,plus the various types of surgery,  it will be difficult to meet everyone's needs.

Dear Carole,

No offense taken and I hope the same after my comments.

Everyone is going to have bad days/weeks and even months.  WLS is not a magic wand that will "cure" us and food really isn't the evil.  Yes we have and will struggle often with our choices and you have done very well especially with some of the complications - so be proud.

Food is a necessity for life.  And many occasions include food.  That is not to say that it should rule our life - we need to always have methods and continually learn ways to make choices that are good for our health.  Certainly we can look into other venues for our group meetings but I for one like the multitasking of "meeting and eating" lol. 

After having my WLS no doubt I will look for advise from the group too on what is best to eat.  Plus everything takes practise - even the learning of what to order, how to ask for a take home container etc.  I know that my surgery is not going to stop my family from eating out or having food at special occasions - what will change is my choices.  I plan on becoming healthier and teach my kids good practises but also not restrict them from certain things just because it was one of my downfalls (will be buying the cookies I don't like, lol).

As for comparing it to AA meetings ... never been to one but have heard that anytime you are struggling you should be at a meeting - so in my humble opinion you need to come tonight.  If it makes it easier then have your supper before coming or use the menu to your advantage - chances are they have boiled/poached eggs, soup (or bring your own cup of soup and order some ho****er lol).  You never know what tip could be shared tonight that will help you to feel/be back on track!

Either way we will respect your decision and hope to be a means of support.  Take care!

I'm sorry I seem to have upset people by comparing our meeting to an AA meeting.  I guess I have to explain a bit more about me.  I help run a weekly support group for addicts.  We deal with everything from drugs, to food to sex to gambling to alcohol.  I feel confident in my  understanding the dynamics of addiction.  I was not pointing fingers and accusing people of being alcoholics, I was merely stating that we are addicted to food or we'd not be/have been at the weight we are/were. Here is an example of where I was going with my comments:

Last year we had a newcomer come into our meeting, he made just an offhand silly comment about his last 12 step program had little short breads and we only had coffee and tea. (he was just being silly and trying to break the ice)  One of our other members who is an (insert addiction here) said, well we have people here who are trying to loose weight and I know Id not want to go to a meeting in a pub or casino for a meeting so why should he have to be stressed with sweets here.  The focus should be on sharing ideas and coping mechanisms not eating.  To be honest I had never thought about it that way.  We will always have to eat.  An alcoholic will not always have to drink or a gambling addict will not always have to gamble.

This was/is one of the hardest parts of my recovery is not to plan and encompass everything in my life around food.  Going to the movies and getting a juice or water instead of planning on what treats I will get once there before I even get to the theatre.  Or having company over for a game of cards without offering a 4 course fat laden meal to go with it.  You CAN just play cards.

Sometimes you just have to remove yourself from a situation that you will find uncomfortable or  tempting.  Tonight I will just have to remove myself :)

I really didn't mean to upset anyone or cause chaos in the mix, and again I apologies to anyone I have offended.

Hi ALL,

Interesting post.  I hear where Carol is coming from.  For me the restaurant was brilliant...but  I don't diet since my surgery, I don't plan anything around food...except to ensure I get enough of it.  So I don't feel the anxiety when in food related gatherings, so I suppose I am not much of a help there.  In fact the opposite, I do love to eat out.  But....If one is dieting, and watching with difficulty what they are eating.... then going to a restaurant is certainly going to cause stress, we all know that...we have all been there .  So, do we really want to add to the stress?  I don't think we do. 

Generally in my past experience here in Europe (not sure about the states) the WLS meetings are very very often in restaurants, just because there are more options that are healthy, then say a Tim Horton or Coffee Shop where it is often just Coffee and wonderful/tempting Deserts on offer.    Sometimes they are in hospitals or rooms somewhere, but then these are officiated by someone putting together an agenda and going through target points more then just a casual gathering....just the past types of gatherings I have been to.

The other reason for me suggesting an evening in a restaurant is that it is often people who don't know each other well, and it is sort of an activity to order, eat and talk as they feel like.  A little less formal then a room somewhere where we are just talking.  Going to peoples houses sometimes feels a little more personal then some people are ready to be about their WLS.

So...location....it is certainly changeable... I do feel the most important thing is to meet.  If some are not keen on restaurants, then suggest another place...I am are certainly all ears and would like to support those who are struggling.   I just hope that our nights together, don't shorten down to an hour of talk...because it is over the entire evening that I found we got the most information exchanged.  We thought of more things over the evening and we also got more comfortable with each other over the evening. 

I fundamentally agree, having a nice relaxing evening with like minded people...to exchange information on WLS, what their experience is is the key to having a great support group...where and when...comes second as long as we can achieve our goal.

I am not sure about the food addiction, if I agree.  I am very much doubting I was addicted before surgery...I was wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy to heavy, but was I addicted?  or just loved food? Or had a lousy metabolism? I don't know  

And the reason I say this is because instantly after surgery.....I would say I don't have any food related issues any more dealing with wanting more then I should have. I love food even more because such small amounts satisfies me and I saver the flavors so much more.  This is why I tend to think it was not an addiction, because I have complete control over food now.  And this happened instantly.  I doubt that surgery would have cured it so well if it had been.   This is an interesting topic the whole addiction thing......and I don't have the answers...but am keen to discuss it at our next get together.  I am sure there are people with a food addiction...just not sure if I was one of them.  It is the same as emotional eating...I would eat when bored, or if food was there...but I don't think I ate at emotional times...and after surgery, I don't see either of these things changing.  The good thing is that with the vast amount of protein I need to eat...if I am eating when I am bored now...it is actually a good thing to snack...there is a WLS god :)  But I would love to hear more about how to tell if you have a food addiction or not.

So, I expect the gang will discuss venue tonight....I don't care where...it is much more important that we are all coming and all meeting each other and taking home more information on WLs then we had before.  And having met Carol and knowing she is such a great person...I sure would like to have her with us and she and others are feeling comfortable.

And in reading the earlier posts, I don't think offense was taken, and certainly hope I have not offended.  I know written words sometimes can be a bit blunt...and I am pretty blunt on top of things...so if I have said something that is causing you any hurt feelings...let me know asap. :)

and see you all next month!

oh I was thinking (dangerous I know) But the Oromocto Super Store has a community room for free that we could meet at.  It's upstairs and private and when you book it, it would be for the whole evening, so we would not feel rushed out or anything like that. I think they are open untill 9:30 as well.  It's easy to get to for those comming in from out of town, and as for munchies, there is a deli with different foods(hot and cold), lots of salads, chicken and such but its not under your nose, you could pick up what you want and just take it up with you. They also have tea and coffee for those who do not want to eat. For those who wanted a bigger meal, they could just meet earlier, there is a Pizza Delight and an A&W in the mall.  Also there is a Chineese resteraund and McDonalds is across the street and there are several other resteraunts close by.

Just another option.


Oh and by the way.  I just wanted to thank everyone for allowing us all to voice our opinions without any negative comments.  It's really a wonderful MB we have here.  Full of support and respect. You don't often find a place online that's so open to differences of opinions  and discussions like we have.  Thank you again.