who have you told and why

I am wondering after seeing an exchange in a post by Patsy, who have you told about your surgery and why.  I have only told my husband and my 2 grown sons and their spouses.  Their reaction was wonderful and they are very supportive thus far.  I am truly blessed with a wonderful family.  I am not going to tell my parents the reason for the surgery, just that I have to have surgery on my stomach.  They are in their 70s and won`t understand at all.  Besides my mother is in a nursing home and I don`t want to worry her needlessly.  I did tell my best friend but I am not sure that was a good idea since she too has a serious  weight problem and will be watching me pretty closely.  Other than that, I will not be sharing any of this with other more distant family members or co-workers.  They may have to know that I am having surgery but they will not know the real reason.  It is none of their business and my co-workers are the kind who feel they have the right to express their opinion on things that dont concern them. I will be interested to see what others have to say about this.

Thanks, Ann

My mothers, father, one of my sisters who is a doctor.. I'm not sure who else knows but those are the ones I know for sure know. The only thing work knows is that I may need surgery at some point to fix some internal problem *lol* 

My family is extremely supportive of my choice to have WLS and I'm thankful for that. They've helped me all my life trying to get me healthier and down to a normal weight.. 

 I'm not sure if I'll tell any friends or not - I'll wait and see how I feel. I don't really have any friend locally as they've all moved from the area to bigger and better things. *lol* 

I have told my husband, one daughter (who stuggles with her weight), &  2 friends- that's it.  I may tell the other children, but I think I will wait until the weight is gone or almost.  I don't want to debate my decision with skinny people, or  have to explain what I do or don't eat to anyone. i don't want to hear that I am taking the easy way out = it is not the easy way out,

I didn't tell hardly anyone really until I was 2 years out and the weight gone....and I could be sure I was in really good health...and they would not worry.  I dont leave near my family and friends, so they would not see me much...and if there were complications...as there sometimes are...they would have been so worried...but unable to help.  I did tell one person who is very special to me, has a simular weight problem...and although I had no problem not telling others...I did not want this person to think I was successful...and they were not. 

One advantage I really saw is I did not live a WLS consumed life.  It was never discussed and I just gone on with living.  No one ever watched me eat, mind you..they probably did wonder how I could justify the steak or the burgers :)

This summer after it turned 2 years...I told my 4 grown sons...one of which lives at home.  And they were fine with it. 

One thing that I read long ago is you can not "un tell" so think about it.  You don't owe the information to anyone..it is a personal decision.  So...if you want to share, share...if you are not sure...play it by ear...

and as for work...nah...not at all interested in telling the office...what would be the advantage?   Although I do have some good friends at work....it is still work...and not a place to have my personal business discussed.

Take Care,
C.

I agree with you Charline....I haven't told my 2 daughters yet although I may tell one but you are so right.  I don't want to debate the decision either with those skinny people.  I told a couple people at work and ended up in that very discussion.  I really don't care if it gets around and what people say at this point in my life.  Until they walk in my shoes, then they are not worth fretting over what they say.  I fear one of my daughters will say exactly that..I am taking the easy way out and that all I need to do is stop eating.  Love her dearly but she can be very judgemental at her young age. I am very sympathetic to smokers trying to quit because I know my addiction is food, not quantity so much as quality and I struggle with it constantly.  I'm at the point that I would like to just quit eating altogether and forever, if I could!!!  So I'm just going to do it and if they ask, I will tell and if they don't, I may tell anyway!!  Some people I have told because I think they could benefit from the procedure as well and may feel hesitant about doing it!! Drumming up business for the two over worked doctors!!

I am developing a theory that if you have more than one daughter, one will be a candidate for Ms. Judgemental of the year!!!  The skinny little bride in my pictures is my little miss judge and jury. God knows I love her and she has never really given me any problems and plenty of reasons to be a very proud Mama. BUT she can sit in judgement of everything I say, do, eat, etc.  No I am not telling her anything. Her and her 110 pounds of fit curves  grrrrrrrr.  Naturally thin she entire 25 years and she has the nerve to sit in judgement of me.   I feel like my size embarasses her. 
Can you say "Hit a nerve"?? .

I feel exactly the same way Charline.  I don`t want to debate anything with a skinny person who has no idea what it is like to live this life.  I did feel that my children needed to know and I could not tell one and not tell the other.  And you are also right this is not the easy way out.

I shared my decision with my husband, my mom and my cousin Catherine first.  One of my husband's friends knows as he had an rny a few years ago so I asked him some questions (he had reccommended surgery as an option for me to my husband).  Also one of my rep's sister was recently lapbanded so have talked to them.

Couple weeks ago I shared it with my prayer group and they were estatic when I told them last week I got a consult.  They will be a powerful support group. 

We have 2 kids aged 13 and 4.  Both have heard some comments, like when I tell some things to my husband about eating protein, changes that will take place etc.  My youngest even saw a couple clips of the online operations which he thought was pretty cool and gross.  I haven't gone into a lot of detail as don't want them to worry but will answer any questions.

I usually play it by ear.  Not something I plan on broadcasting but nothing I am ashamed about either.  I did however make a point not to tell my step-father (and asked my mom not to say anything to him) as he can be very hurtful so don't need his comments or "judgements" - no doubt he would have something to say about anything I put into my mouth in the meantime.

Probably one of the reasons I am so keen on support groups.  It is empowering to share and helps others who truly understand what you have or are going through.  When my oldest had to have open heart surgury when he was 5 months old there was no parental support group so my cousin got us together with another couple whose daughter had had surgery as well.  It made such a difference we actually started a group for other parents = as much as other people may try to "help" if they have not walked a similiar path it just doesn't feel the same (one friend said they could relate as their kid had a nasty cold ... sorry but not the same as open heart surgery!!!)

Bottom line - so glad you guys are around!!  Looking forward to Tues!

Umm...let's see...
My Fiance, my mom & dad, my grandmother, my two aunts, all my cousins, most of my favorite co-workers, my mother in law, my grandmother in law, and my brother in law...well I have to admit that everyone knows!

I have not received any negative comments and everyone has been super supportive. I'm pretty blunt so I doubt anyone would have the audacity to even say anything to me regardless but all those people have supported me in losing weight and they all seem to think this is a great idea and if not, well too bad.

I don’t think I will be hiding the surgery because I want to encourage other obese people to follow my path. If it wasn’t for my best friend, I wouldn’t be where I am and I think it’s important for people to know that there are options out there! My best friend has always been vocal about her surgery, helping people make the decision, speaking at Dr. B’s information sessions, answering any questions hopefuls may have etc.

I don’t think I would feel comfortable receiving all kinds of “Wow you lost so much weight comments” and lying about it. I mean once the weight starts coming off, everyone and their dogs are going to have some kind of comment to say and ask you what you have done to lose so much weight.  Especially where I work- amongst 900 nosy individuals.
Another thing that causes me to make sure I tell the truth is that my mother’s friend had the band secretly put in about 4 years ago. She had not told anyone about it (not even her husband!) so during family dinners etc, she was always trying not to appear suspicious (because let’s face it- with the band you eat slowwwwwww) so she was eating at a faster pace so no one could notice. She was also forcing herself to eat things like bread & pasta and such because she didn’t want anyone to think that something was going on since she had always eaten those types of foods, well…
She damaged her band and had to be hospitalized. I think it’s up to everyone to decide what’s best for them, for myself- I couldn’t care less what people think so I choose to talk about my experience to anyone who’s willing to listen. I want people to understand that the band is not the enemy or the easy way out. Plus, if I can help someone obese learn more about this surgery and give them a chance in life, then why not?

Wow you are braver than I am I guess or perhaps just lucky to have so many supportive people around you.  I don't think I can trust that many people in my life to be supportive and not critical of my decision.  There are a number of people who have expressed their feelings quite openly in conversations I have "set up" about banding and gastric by pass and their comments told me that I am better off keeping things low key.  One woman said that she thought it was ridiculous for people to go under the knife to lose weight when all you have to do is shut your "blanking" mouth and get walking.  She the proceeded to give a lecture on the kind of people she thought obese people were -sloppy, smelly, weak - in my obese presence.  I then said well thanks for telling me how you really feel about me, its reassuring to know you now what you are actually thinking when you look at my sloppy self.  And her response - oh well I didn't mean YOU... Riiiiiight.  So I think I will keep it all low key and as time goes by and the weight leaves I will just say I decided to get a grip on my life and make some changes.  Just how I did it and how much I have lost are personal questions that I will not answer.