hey girls wanted to let u in

last tuesday i lost my baby at 10 weeks. we are both upset but i know i will get thru it. i think ive been thru most of the greiving stages already since everything happened so fast. i had to have a d&c but they put me out for it which i was really grateful, not somehting i want to remember.i went thru blamimg myself wondering if i shouldve waited on my surgery until i was sure i wanted no more kids, but the dr assured me that the miscarriage rate is much higher in obese women that ones of normal weight. still makes me wonder but i know i was doing what they told me. i havent gotten the all clear to go back to the gym yet so all i can do to feel my hole is shop for summer clothes since i was putting that off bc i thought i would be buying maternity wear. and i cant help but tell on myself eat CHOCOLATE!!! i know i shouldnt and im wanting it less now but i still feel bad about it. i got back to the dr on wednesday to make sure everything is ok. then hopefully in 3 months we can try again, this has made me want to have 3 more kids(but maybe we will wait and see on that).i guess for now i will squeeze my 3 month old nephew to bits he is over his colic and so sweet and smiles and i could just never let him go.anyway thanks for letting me vent a little. crystal

Hi Crystal. So sorry for your loss. I've had a miscarriage before. Started having problems at 8 wks & finally had a d&c at 10. That pregnancy was a surprise. Summer was 2 yrs old. I swore I'd never get pregnant again cuz I was so scared & hurt, but it wasn't my choice. God had other plans & 6 months after we lost pregnancy #2, I found out I was 5 wks pregnant with Kori. What a surprise. Everything went fine during that & My last pregnancy. There is life after miscarriage. But you never forget.

thanks girls i appreciate it. i know its a pretty common thing. something i always worried about but never actually thought that it would happen to me.i do want more children but i am scared for it to happen again i dont know if i can do it again.anyway thanks for the support. crystal

Hope you don't mind but here are a couple of poems that always made me feel better. Your Little Angel Forever will I love you You will always be my mom As I sit with angels I look down at you and point proudly See . . .See her . . .over there, That's her! Did you know I could hear your thoughts at night When you used to lie in bed staring, rubbing your hand on your belly Looking up at the ceiling in the dark wondering things . . . Who I would look more like . . . About how my laugh would sound . . . My First steps . . . Books that you would read to me . . ones with pictures . . . "I like Those!" The park . . .how you would walk me in a stroller to play on the swings How about after I ate ice cream the dog excitedly licking my face almost knocking me down . . . You just smiled when you read that . . I could see you Do you know I call you "mommy"? When you are in the kitchen I pretend I am there also and you can see me I sit at the table and draw with crayons I made a picture for the refrigerator Yellow, blue, red and green Look its of you and me with a sky and trees I gave you curly hair . . . Easter . . .that's my favorite I always think of you holding my hand taking me to church One of my socks keeps falling down Mommy . . .I like the way you kiss my sisters goodnight on the forehead and tuck them in I play with them in their dreams They don't know me but if you ask if they ever dreamed of playing with a little girl they would say yes . . . That's me . . . Do you remember that bird each early spring that used to always return and sing It would have been right around the time of my birthday That was me to . . . I would sing "I love you" I am always along side you . . . Sometimes you can feel me A brush against your dress, a breeze on your face . . . that's when I kiss you You have always kept me in your mind and heart Thank you . . . One day we will be together in heaven and you will cry and lift me in your arms and I will hug you so very tight and never let go . . . But for now I have to . . . No matter where you go, what you do, I am with you Always know that I am "Your Little Angel" I love you mommy . . . Bye . . . ________________________ "Your Little Angel" copyright (c) protected Russell Scott Steven Andersen 1997 all rights reserved. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What Makes a Mother I thought of you and closed my eyes, And prayed to God today. I asked what makes a Mother, And I know I heard him say: A mother has a baby, This we know is true. But, God, can you be a mother, When your baby's not with you? Yes, you can He replied, With confidence in His voice. I give many women babies, When they leave is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime, And others for a day. And some I send to feel your womb, But there's no need to stay. I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here. He took a breath and cleared his throat, And then I saw a tear. I wish that I could show you, What your child is doing today, If you could see your child smile, With other children who say: We go to earth and learn our lessons, Of love and life and fear. My mommy loved me oh so much, I got to come straight here. I feel so lucky to have a mom, Who had so much love for me. I learned my lessons very quickly, My mommy set me free. I miss my mommy oh so much, But I visit her each day. When she goes to sleep, On her pillow's where I lay. I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek, And whisper in her ear. "Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here." So you see my dear sweet one, Your children are Ok. Your babies are here in My home, They'll be at heavens gate for you. So now you see what makes a mother. It's the feeling in your heart. It's the love you had so much of, Right from the very start. Though some on earth may not realize you are a mother, until their time is done. They'll be up here with me one day, And you'll know that you're the best one! "what Makes a Mother" By Jennifer Wasik Used with Permission in memory of Zachery Thomas Wasik For all Mother's missing their babies...

wow those are really sweet i will foward those to some friends of mine too. that helps thanks. i just ache to hold my baby and i know thats normal. my oldest said she was praying for the baby and Jesus told her that it was a baby sister. so the first one really hit home. thanks crystal

I am so sorry for your loss, it is something you'll never forget, but you sound hopeful for another chance. You will be in my prayers, again, I am so sorry.

Oh, Crystal, I am so sorry for the lose of your baby. I wish I could make it all better for you, but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Please don't blame yourself for this, sometimes God just needs a special angel up in Heaven. Please be extra kind to yourself. smoochies Arlies

I am so sorry to hear you lost your baby. If you need anything at all you have my phone numbers. So, just give me a call. I will keep you and your husband in my prayers as you heal from your loss. Melissa

Crystal, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your baby. Please find strength in God, he will guide you. Do not blame yourself, it is not your fault, it is just something that happens sometimes. Stay strong and know that you have many friend and family that love you and are praying for you. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Don't give up hope and keep the faith. Rhonda

Crystal, I'm so sorry about your loss! I lost a baby at 3 months and I know it hurts but a sweet nurse told me I'd be expectant again before I knew it and she was right. Something about the D&C helps you get pregnant easier so hang in there. I was pregnant within 2 months. Take comfort in knowing there's an angel waiting for you. There's lots of us who feel your pain so you don't have to keep it all to yourself.