Family Members

My friend who is having the WLS soon is having a horrible time with some of her family members. She comes from a very tight knit family, and it seems like either they are 100% for this , or dead against it. I have talked to the ones that are giving her a hard time, but it's like talking to a wall. My friend is really upset by all this. Was wondering if anyone else out there had a similar situation with their WLS. Some advise would be appreciated.
PS  I think some are worried about her coming through it ok, and some a jealous.

Thanks, Rebecca

Rebecca,
The only way to handle this issue is for your friend to answer the question, "Why am I having WLS surgery?" How your friend answers this question dictates how she will handle others around her.

If the surgery is for health reasons, then this decision is between your friend and her physician. Nobody else! And family members who are ignorant about your friend's medical issues have no business nor right to judge her for her decision. Now that doesn't mean that they won't give their opinion, but it does mean that she is going to have to get a little bit more confident in her decision and convince herself that she is doing this for HER! Nobody else. And that means that nobody else's opinion matters.

There are a lot of factors that motivate people to act harshly in response to a person's WLS. The naysayers could be jealous of your friend's decision to take a pro-active stance on her life. She is finally taking control of a situation that has run her life for so long. And people don't like change. So her friends and familiy might rebel because ****ither they are miserable in their life and don't want to see her happy, or (2) they are afraid that she will become a more confident person and may no longer want them in her life as she continues to give her life a complete makeover.

Or her family is just plain mean! They are never happy unless they are criticizing somebody. If this is the case, then she will be in for a long and bumpy ride. They will continually be scrutinizing her food choices, her mannerisms at meal time, offering "advice" on everything food related to her, etc. So she will have to lay down sound ground rules with them about this. Or choose to politely (or abruptly) tell them "Thank you for your concern. But please mind your own business. This is between my doctor and me."

The best answer is for her to attend a support group. She will quickly realize that she is not alone in this journey. There are many other people out there who have her exact same story and she can get immediate feedback on how others have handled the same situation.

I am so excited for your friend's decision to take control of her life! She will come across those who will want to sabotage her efforts, but the majority of the people will be excited for her and want her to succeed! Tell her hang in there. She is embarking on the most exciting chapter of her life. And she's not alone. She has a very large network of fellow WLS friends out there who only want to encourage her.

I hope this helps.

~ Tammy

Thank you Tammy for your response. I emailed your response to Lisa (my friend) She is seeking out a support group right now. Her mom is behind this WLS 100% because of the health issues, which is why Lisa is getting the surgery in the first place. It is the female family members, that are maybe 30 pounds overweight ,that are giving her such a hard time. They keep telling her she is taking the easy way out. I finally told Lisa to stop talking to them, for now. Through my research, I have seen this surgery, and I know there is nothing easy about it, but Lisa's alternative is an early death.
Thanks again for your help

TAKING THE EASY WAY OUT!!  ARE  YOU KIDDING?  The family members that are giving her a hard time need to read these message boards, yes, it is a tool to help learn new eating patterns, but it is not easy...my friend is doing the same thing...says I am taking the easy way out...she is much heavier than I , has been a diet for who knows how long and continues to gain more weight...so if you ask me, she and the others who are critisizing are jealous and niave to how these surgeries affect us, what is involved...this is a hard road we travel...my hats off to all those with wls, they are trying to improve thier lives and health.  We are very fortunate to have such a good support group site to help us on this new journey.  God bless us all. Thank you, and tell all those women who put us down to get over themselves!  Farmgirl58

Ahem! LOL  My friend is gathering a lot of strength now by surrounding herself with the positive people, like her mom, me, and other family and friends. I can't wait for her to get this surgery, and be happy and healthy. I can not believe the jealousy and flat out mean behavior some people have to go through just to get to a place in life that will help them get healthy. My friend, Lisa , has found a support group in Florida that seems pretty good. Her WLS is soon, so we'll see how things turn out.

Thanks again for your response,
Rebecca

Good Afternoon, I wish your friend nothing but the best of what life has to offer.  I know with the good support of close friends and family she will be on the road to a great new life.
It is important to surround ourselves with positive people, it is a known fact that if we hang out with negative people, it rubs off and we find ourselves feeling thier emotions and acting the same way.  I try not to tell my one girlfriend too much about what I am going to be doing because of her negative personality...it drags me down.  So, 3 CHEERS for the girlfriend. God bless and have a great day.  Farmgirl58