GETTING THINGS OFF MY CHEST

HEY EVERYBODY.. I JUST FELT SO MUCH BETTER SINCE I POSTED YESTERDAY..I FELT LIKE I WAS RECONNECTING WITH AN OLD FRIEND... I GUESS I JUST NEED TO SAY SOME THINGS THAT I HAVE BEEN FEELING, AND MAYBE SOME OF Y'ALL HAVE BEEN THROUGH THE SAME THING.. I GUESS WHAT'S HAPPENED TO ME IS I SEEM TO HAVE FORGOTTEN WHERE I CAME FROM, WHAT I MEAN IS .. .SURGERY IS OVER, I'VE LOST MOST OF MY WEIGHT..NOT ALL, I HAVEN'T EVEN MADE IT TO GOAL YET, BUT YOU ALL KNOW , THAT ONCE THE WEIGHT IS OFF YOUR WORLD IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT, AND YOU START GETTING ALL KINDS OF ATTENTION AND EVERYTHING IS SO MUCH MORE DIFFERENT THAN WHEN YOU WERE HEAVIER. FOR SOME REASON I SEEM TO HAVE GOTTEN CAUGHT UP IN THAT.. AND I ALLOWED MY HEAD TO SWELL A BIT...LOL I KNOW THAT'S NOT GOOD, BUT I'M JUST TRYING TO BE HONEST WITH MYSELF, AND FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET FOCUSED AGAIN AND BACK ON TRACK.   I GUESS I HAD JUST FORGOTTEN WHAT IT WAS LIKE NOT TO BE ABLE TO GO ON AMUSEMENT PARK RIDES, AND THE SNIDE COMMENTS PEOPLE MAKE ABOUT HEAVIER PEOPLE, AND WHAT ITS LIKE NOT TO BE ABLE TO WEAR WHAT YOU WANT, AND BASICALLY FEEL TERRIBLE ABOUT YOURSELF. I THINK IT'S TIME FOR A REALITY CHECK, AND FOR ME TO COME BACK DOWN TO EARTH... I AM DETERMINED TO STAY FOCUSED , I HAVE COME TO FAR TO THROW IT ALL AWAY NOW BY NOT EATING RIGHT AND DRINKING MY WATER. I AM AT 210 POUNDS, AND I SHOULD BE AT 160 OR 155. I ALLOWED A LITTLE BIT OF WEIGHT TO CREEP BACK ON. 10 POUNDS TO BE EXACT. I FELT HORRIBLE.. LIKE I WAS A FAILURE. IT'S FROM EATING CANDY, COOKIES, AND CHIPS AND STUFF I DON'T NEED. I EVEN STOPPED TAKING MY VITAMANS EVERY DAY.. AND ALMOST PASSED OUT  ONE  DAY.. I KNOW ITS FROM NOT GETTING ENOUGH VITAMANS ... I HAVE SINCE STARTED TAKING THEM AGAIN AND WILL NOT QUIT AGAIN.  I JUST THINK ITS SO IMPORTANT THAT WE REMEMBER WHERE WE CAME FROM , SO WE WILL CONQUER THIS WEIGHT AND NEVER GO BACK THERE AGAIN....I JUST FELT I NEEDED TO SAY THIS, MAYBE SOME OF YALL HAVE FELT THE SAME WAY... HOPE ALL IS WELL WITH EVERYONE TODAY.. SO GLAD TO SEE SOME OF THE OLD SCHOOL BACK ON HERE!! HAVE A GREAT DAY.. HUGS CRYSTAL

So glad you posted that !!!  It is TOO easy to go back to thinking we are "NORMAL" and not do the things we should do to not just lose weight, but just take care of ourselves ..... Thanks - Love to you DeAnna

its ok for your head to swell a bit. you deserve to fell great and know you look great. shut when i get some of my weight off i will too. i read a post where you had to have your surgery open. what happened if i may ask. the reason im asking is my dr. told me since i had had the lapband before that when she goes in and i have alot of scaring that she may need to open me up and do the surgery hands on. im scared of that as they say its much harder to get well. take have and have fun. enjoy life but keep off the pounds.

Yeah, I think its okay to have self confidence after all those years of feeling bad .. I think I deserve to feel good about myself.. it's just when it gets out of control and goes  to your head.. you know?  You can't forget where you came from, because if you do, you wont' appreciate where you are, and make real sure you dont' go there again.. see what I'm saying? As for my surgery, it was supposed to be laproscopic, and for some unknown reason, my intestines kept 'kinking' or curling and they couldn't get the connections right, and the surgeon couldn't see well enough,  so he had to open me up to complete the surgery. Well I didn't want it open, but I knew it was a possibility he would have to open me up when I went into surgery. Which is fine, I'd rather have it open than not at all.. you know? well the trouble begins when im given blood thinner by mistake in the hospital, the staff gave me the wrong medicine, and i started bleeding internally,and bled out for 14 hours before anyone knew what was happening.. I started throwing up blood, and they rushed me back to emergency surgery, where they removed all kinds of blood clots in my intestines..and I had to have four units of  blood. I nearly bled to death. I did know that death was a possibility having this surgery..but it was a traumatic experience nonetheless..my wound ended up getting infected and I had t o remove the staples and let it heal from the inside out, with a wound vac, which is painful but it had to happen. I just recently got over another surgery, an inscisional hernia which developed on the same inscision line as my gastric bypass. I had no complications with that surgery. I guess this brings to light my point, of not forgetting what you risked and what you went through to get to where you are today. Just don't let all that be in vain you know? Hugs Crystal

In my opinion, recovery whether open or closed is based on the person.  Starting weight, tolerence to pain, mobility, determination, being informed, and knowledge that this is Major surgery. My Dr. said open was the only way he would do my WLS because of my huge panniculus (big thick belly).  I took very little pain meds with RNY and only a couple of doses with hernia/TT/breast lift. I was so lucky and I am very grateful!!!!! My scarring is not bad from all my surgergies, Well worth  every ache. I agree it is scary when we start to get that new life going.   Food is an addiction and it is a hard foe to fight.  Overconfidence is scary because so many of us had little to none at or prior weight. We can not give up over a gain of weight.  We just have to focus on our goal.  Gaining weight is only one meal or snack away. I think  Keeping weight off takes planning and work.  I read this quote "Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels" glenda

Better out than in applies to more than just farts, girlfriend. So get those feelings out in the open so you don't try to stuff them down with cookies later.  But, hey it is a little okay to have a big head.  You have done well and are just beautiful.  Good luck getting back on track.  We are here for you. Melissa

Crystal,    You are SO right!  I think we all get like this sometimes.  For me, I just kept thinking I could continue to eat whatever I wanted.  WRONG!  I'm not a "normal" skinny person.  I'll always be a fat chick in a skinny body.  LOL  (at least I hope so anyway!  LOL)  We have never been or will we ever be normal. 

 

What is normal anyway?  I used to think it was the people who seemed to be eating whatever they wanted and never had a weight problem.  Is anyone really like that?  Actually I do know a few people like that but they don't have an eating disorder either.  I do.  Plain and simple.  I also have the fat gene...(I firmly believe in genetics here)...So, unfortunately this is my battle, my cross to bear.  Name it and Claim it.  Take it for what it is, and do whatever is necessary to keep it at bay.   I have conquered, but am not cured.

Well now I am a little scared hearing about your experience with the surgery and the blood thinner. I am not having WLS as I can't pay for it and medicaid is stupid. But I am having a very extreme panni removal and will be in the hospital about 3 weeks or so. I take blood thinners and I am scared about that. I will be at UMC with Dr. Lineaweaver. So far I have found when I am feeling a certain way...like you have been feeling. I just start reading the message boards and reality hits me real hard. Not that I have got the body to get a big head over yet lol. But I have lost a 100 lbs and I am still at 690 lbs. So if you ever wanna talk just yell my way. Legina

Hey Crystal, Well girl I dont know where to start..lol ur right I did need to come back and start posting. So much is going on right now. I just dont know where to start.lol I guess tonight when I get off work, and I have the kids in bed and finally have a moment to my self I will sit down and post on things around here. I can honestly so I so know what ur going thhrough. I just said to mys elf the other day..you have so much mre work to do to this body, and honestly i think if i was to start taking my vitamins again and start walking and exerciseing more I would be more happy with the way that things are turning out. I have not been on the scale latly bc the last time i got on it it said 138 and im so not where i want to be..Its been a year already and I am past the mark whre my dr wanted me but for me to be truley happy i have some more weight to lose. Well girl hope to talk toyou soon.havent talked to you in a few days. I will post tonight and update everyone on how things are.  I miss the boar and really need to get back in here. Talk to you soon..hugs Missie

My mom gives an analogy that might apply here.  When you are struggling with something, sometimes you are successful, and sometimes you're not.  But when you are not successful, realize what you did wrong, if you work harder to make it right and get back on track you are that much better off.  Mom sews, and uses the example of the back stitch, which is the strongest hand stitch there is.  To make the back stitch, you stick the needle in the material, pull it through, then stick the needle in again, but you go backwards with it - in other words, put the needle into the material about halfway back from the beginning of the first stitch then pull it out of the material a little ways beyond where the first stitch exited the material.  All this two steps forward, one step back type of stitching makes the seam that you are sewing that much tougher.  This can be applied to anything we're doing. I hope that makes sense.  The upshot is we are all going to have moments of weakness or failure, but if we can recover from those moments we wind up better off long term.  And it sounds like you're doing that, so hang in there.    I keep having to tell myself this as well. Marcia