FEELING BLUE

Hey everybody, im sorry I havent posted in a long time, but ive been going through some rough stuff these past few weeks. Its mainly with me and my hubby. Yall all know the soap opera I went through with him before the surgery, well after the surgery, he was really good to me, he helped me when I wasnt' able to help myself. Well now things are going down hill in a hurry. It just seems like he doesnt trust me, and he is becoming really controlling, and I hate that. Especially about our finances. We both work, and I have no problem pitching in for bills and things like that with my paycheck, but dam it, I want what's left after the bills are paid!, we don't have a joint checking account, and he is the only one with the checking account, and I give him my paycheck to take care of bills along with his paycheck. His reasoning for not giving me my extra money is he thinks I will 'blow it' instead ofsaving it. So what!!! Its my money, I earned it, if I want to blow it I will! Just like a couple of days ago, I bought all of sarah's birthday stuff on the internet, well I knew it had been delivered because they emailed me a tracking number and it said it had been delivered. Well anyway when I get home, it is no where to be found, and so I asked him, did you see a package here when you got home? ( he gets home before I do) and my step daughter started to say sometihing, but she didn't, he said its in the store room, and its going back!! He had planned on lying to me and sending my stuff back without telling me. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr! I said oh no you are not!!! That is sarah's birthday party stuff and I have already paid for it! Is that not controlling or what!!! Ughhhhhhhh! So now if I buy something online I have to have it sent to my job because im afraid he won't give it to me or he will send it back. Because he thinks I don't need it. I have really had it, and the thought of finding someone else sure does feel really good. Right now. I know that 's wrong, but my feelings for him are definatly starting to change. I find myslef checking other guys out, and just looking for someone else. Any advice??? Crystal

I don't know what to tell you, girl. When I was married I kept up with the finances. He deposited all the money into the checking account and mine was direct deposited. Whatever we had left we had left. Do you all split everything or how is it supposed to work? Do you make roughly the same amount? Open up you an account somewhere and when the bills come due give him your part... I dont know though. I do not think it is right that he send something back that you ordered without first talking to you about it. That is a tad over controlling. I could see it if you were a shopaholic and thats all you did was order all day long off the internet.... I have gotten kind of use to having my own account. When we move we will have one joint account and then our 2 personal accounts. But... he will be paying the majority of the bills because he makes ALOT more than me. Find a balance with your husband - dont stray away if you can fix whats wrong. If you cant - do it the right way.

Crystal, Hang in there. Cindi

Crystal, I hate that you are feeling so lost.. The surgery you had was to better your life and to make you happier. Excuse me for saying this, but your husband sounds like a real jerk. He needs to grow up! Sounds like you need to lay the law down to him and tell him how it is going to be or else you are going to leave and if he does not follow your guidelines and try to meet you in the middle with everything, then you need to do what you have to to make sure that you are happy. Life is too short to be miserable! Trust me, been there done that. Do what is best for you and your children! Best wishes and we are always here for you! Love, Rhonda

Hey Crystal, I'm sorry that you're going thru some difficult times with your husband. I went thru the same type of situation with my first husband. Needless to say that relationship did not work out. I agree with some of the other post. Open up your own checking account and give him your portion of the bill money. My current husband and I divided up the bills and he pays some and I pay some. It really works out great for us. I agree with Rhonda, he's just being a jerk. No one wants to be controlled and it will only make you rebel against that. Have ya'll thought about counseling? It sounds like he controlls everyone if your step daughter "started to say something" but didn't. I hope things work out for you this should be a joyous time in your life. Sheri

Hey Crystal, I know where you are coming from dear.I pray your situation gets better.I have an appointment in the morning to meet with my lawyer and start divorce proceedings.I have given up on trying to change my husband.God knows I am not telling you to do the same but, in my situation there has to come a time when enough is enough. I have been married to my husband for nearly 12 years,my husband is not a loving person and is very cold towards me unless he wants something from me if you know what I mean , he does not show emotion does not hug me rarely kisses me if he does it is at my insistance I used to think the reason he never kissed me was because, I smoked but, then I think I have been quit smoking now for 6 years lol and we never go anywhere together, it has always been that way and I have always thought that maybe it was because, I was so fat that maybe I embarrassed him so I never pushed the issue I would cry and tell him why I was crying and he would say the usual that I was always *****ing,well I have told him many many many times over the years that one day he would regret the way he has been towards me for the last 12 years I have told him more times than I can count that I will not hang on this way forever I can't do it.I have lost 120 pounds since my surgery,and my husband has never said one word about my appearance or anything whatsoever not one comment ,I have had to keep in mind that I did not have this surgery for him I did it for myself,but being ignored for me has gotten old.I used to have a bad gap in my front teeth that you could drive a truck through lol ,I was always self conscious about it well, I got it fixed last monday my husband has yet to notice,again I did not do it for him I did it for myself.I have to keep reminding myself of that. Two weeks ago I started going out with friends and thouroughly enjoying myself.I told him this past friday that I wanted a divorce that I can't take it anymore and am tired of trying,needless to say we have been fighting all weekend and I finally had to tell him that I did not love him anymore, that I was tired of begging for his affections and that I told him this day would come ,he has begged and pleaded with me all weekend to please change my mind,the problem is I do not want to try anymore. he threatened to kill himself and took off into the woods with the pistol needless to say I told him if he harmed himself that ,that would be between himself and God that I was not responsible. I had to call his brother to come over here and see about him because, this is not the first time he has done this the last time I threatened to leave him he did the same thing only this time I called his bluff. He had the nerve to say we would be have been fine if I had never had that damn surgery he said I knew you was gonna do some **** like this after you had that damn surgery.I told him that the surgery has made me realize that I don't have to settle for his crumbs of affection if I had never had the surgery I would still be begging for his crumbs of affection.My point is I have more confidence now than I ever have. I have come to realize that I don't have to put up with it. Life is to short to be miserable.I pray that your situation will work itself out but, that does not always happen. Love and Huggs ..........Sherry

I feel the need to come and slap Leland around some...hope that'd be okay. I hate you are having a tough time. Anything I can do to help, lemme know. I am sorry about cutting you short on the phone the other day. The "wife from He!!", who had just told me to keep talking because it was helping her to relax, waited until the nurse came in and whispered to the nurse that I was bothering her being on the phone and she was not able to rest. So the nurse jumped all over me...... anyhows, I love you! smoochies Arlies

Hey Your Queenieness, it don't matter to me if ya slap em or not lol .Nothing anyone can do, I am going to see my lawyer tommorrow and get the ball rolling ,I am just so tired of it ya know .And don't apoligize for having to get off the phone lol you did what ya had to do lol .I bend your ear enough with my drama as it is .lol I Love you too ...Hugggs and bunches and bunches of love..........Sherry.............PS Crystal i am sorry i highjacked the heck out of your post

Oh, Crystal, I am so sorry to hear this. I don't know what it must be like for you. I do agree with the others that you need to open your own checking account and put your check into that. Write a check for 1/2 of each bill you pay (make it out to the company) and put it in the mail with your hubby's half. It's just not fair to you to be treated this way. If you guys had AGREED NOT to spend any money, it'd be different. I can't think of any reason, tho, to justify hiding your package and planning on sending it back. That is way over the line. I wish I could help make it better for you, but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. love ya lots. Hang in there! smoochies Arlies