This may sound weird...

This may sound weird, but I've been going through a dilemma lately, I just feel like everything is changing around me. I guess what Im trying to say is I have just been re-evaluating my life and I am wondering if I settled. I know I sound awful saying that, but have you ever wondered what it would be like if you waited to get married? Maybe its just a phase im going through, but sometimes especially when my hubby starts acting like a jerk like yesterday for instance, I just wonder if I picked the right person to spend my life with,or if I shorted myself. I am starting to have more confidence in myself, and I am realizing that I don't have to take a lot of the BS I used to put up with. I mean its nothing violent or anything, just a lot of griping and complaining and blaming me for every little thing that goes wrong. I just get sick of it. I don't know what's up with me. But I do feel like things are changing inside. Any advice? Crystal

ITS YOUR HORMONES!!!!!!!!!!!! I know from experince, i went through it too! YOU of course know all the details! LOL BUT i will say that I'm MUCH better now. Im TOTALLY In LOVE with my hubby , things have never been this good, i guess it took me almost looseing him , to open my eyes to see what i REALY had! HES a great person, loves me FAT or other wise. Your hubby could be haveing some security issues, and hes being a jerk because of it! If you need to talk you got my number! DAWN~~

I think what you are feeling is perfectly normal. As I have heard many times, if your marriage is good before WLS, it should remain good if not better, however if your marriage is bad before WLS, it most likely will not get better but may get worse. This is due to the fact that the person that had WLS is going to get more self confidence than they have ever had before and the spouse is going to see that, and get extremely defensive and jealous. My marriage is FAR from perfect, and we have almost ended it many times, however I made the choice that I wanted my marriage to work, I did not want to start all over again, we have a great future together, we just had to work on "us". I got us into marriage counselling and it really helps. We go as a couple every two weeks, and I go alone every other week. It helps to have someone to talk to about your problems, that does not judge you. It also helps for me and my DH to be able to air out problems in front of our counsellor so that we do not get into a screaming match and we can actually get her input on how to solve the problems that we are having. We have been going to therapy now for about 4 months, and our marriage has improved tremendously, we have learned how to communicate. Believe it or not, that is most of the problem in most marriages, communication. You may talk alot, but in reality you are not talking about the important things. Some men are too proud to go to counselling, and it may help for you to go alone and then work him into the therapy when he feels more comfortable. Tell him he has to go, or your marriage will end. If he cares about your marriage, he will do anything to save it. I wish you the best of luck, and please know that you have MANY friends and we will listen and not judge. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am always here for you. Love, Rhonda

This isn't going to sound good at all but I know what ya mean. I'm 99% positive that DH & I should not have married. We were young & I was SO STUPID!!! The 1st 5 yrs of marriage was total H?L! ! I've never been so emotionally crushed in my life. I never told my family but he was verbally abusive & took everything out on me. I wasn't #1 in his life & although I'm not saying he didn't love our daughters, at that time, they weren't #1 either. I get so angry thinking about it. Most of our problems were because of his family (mainly one of my b.i.l's). We separated for a month before DD#2 was born & then I left him again when she was 2 months old. We got back together 6 months later . It didn't help matters that I was suffering post partem depression. Our marriage has been better for the last 4 or so years. He's matured & 'woke up' a bit. He's pretty much a different person. Unfortunately that doesn't undo all the hurt & memories I have from the past. It definately changed my feelings for him totally. He's more of a best friend now than a husband. I also wonder sometimes if we would have divorced that 2nd separation where we'd both be...but I would have missed one of the most precious gifts of all....our baby girl (3 yrs old). Bottom line is I know it was wrong in my case to marry him but I'd go thru it again just to have my 3 babygirls. I can't imagine being alone. Sorry, I know my story probably did nothing to make you feel better but I just needed to spill it for my own sanity. lol.

Hey Crystal, Emotions are tough after this surgery. I go thru spells of not liking JIm at all!!! Fortunately for me, Jim is easy to talk to and we talk alot about the problems of couples after WLS because, even after 23 years, we are still afraid it could happen to us. My main problem is that I wanna get up and go and do and Jim (poor health) doesn't, so I get very, very discouraged with him. ONLY you can decide what course your life needs to take. I, personally, am NOT at all interested in training another hubby, so I am hanging on thru the ups and downs of the last year or so. BUT whatever YOU decide to do or not do, we are all here for you! Love ya, Smoochies Arlies