Update on Me

Okay... Please try and understand what I am going thru. I have been seperated from my husband for 5 mos. During this time I have been involved with a man. This man is an alcoholic. He drinks beer everyday. It has been a rocky relationship pretty much since day one. I have lost pretty much all my friends (except Melissa-who wouldnt give up)... Alcoholism runs in my family on my dads side and so the temptation for me to drink with him was always there. I have pretty much been drinking daily with him for the past 5 mos. Sometimes to block out the pain and sometimes just so I could loosen up. We had alot of issues and that is how I blocked them out of my mind. The relationship ended on Friday. At 1:00 in the afternoon I was guzzling vodka straight out of the bottle. I didnt stop until 6:30 Saturday morning. I drove drunk, I put myself and my child in danger, every time I woke up in the middle of the night I drank more vodka to make myself pass out so I wouldnt think about my pain. My husband came and spent the night with me to try and help me take care of Emily and to make sure I would be okay. He never knew I was still drinking myself into oblivion. I fell in the hallway Saturday morning trying to go get more alcohol. I was shaking, weak, hadnt eaten since Weds - I was just a mess. Saturday morning Melissa came over and I think everyone realized how bad off I was and still am. She took me to her house and called my mother who is a nurse (who I pretty much have not had a relationship since leaving my husband). I know something was really wrong with me. I spent the night with my parents last night and I will for the next few days. I woke up every hour on the hour last night and stayed up for 30-45 minutes just thinking about how bad I wanted to drink so I could sleep. My mother brought me home this morning to get my car and some clothes and I knew this morning before they even got up that I was going to come home and drink. On the way here she asked me if I had anything in the house... I admitted I had it and I gave it to her when we got here. I look around my apartment and I have an empty bottle of vodka on the floor by my bed, an empty bottle of hot damn in the top of my closet, and an empty bottle of goldschlager under my bathroom sink. What have I turned in to? On top of the pain I feel over the breakup - the desire to block it out of my mind by drinking is the biggest concern. Yall know this is not me and I need serious serious prayers for strength and control over my life. I have replaced one addiction with another and my heart is killing me. It beats 90 to nothing all the time. I just want the pain to go away.

Ok, I'm not gonna sit her and tell you that i understand and i have been there cause i haven't. I have never been threw a divorce or a breakup even , but i have had some pretty rocky days when i didnt think that we would make it threw them.I have turned to the vodka bottle myself in the past to try to block out feelings , i know that it only makes matters worse in the long run. I know that you must be in a terriable amount of pain right now .I Promise that it will get better , this too shall pass, it always does! I know for a FACT that you have not lost all of your friends , WE are all here for you. I am your friend even if we have only meet twice , i think alot of you , i look up to you infact. If you NEED to talk Im only a phone call away, 228 -223-7837 my cell, 228-868-3404 my home. I will be praying for you , i know that you can come out on top of this , you are a very strong-willed person! You will get threw this! hugs and lots of love, dawn Im very serious you can call me anytime!

You are my very best friend and I will never abandon you or give up on your because I love you and I know who you are and what you are not. We are going to get you some help and get you through this. I am here to help with Emily and so is William and the rest of your family. You just can't give up on yourself. Melissa

Oh, my dear, lovely Christine....My heart just breaks for you...You are indeed a very, very strong person to come on this board and admit what you have been up to....But Christine, REMEMBER WE ALL LOVE YOU AND HAVE YOUR BACK. We are here to suppport you no matter what. I am not a drinker - can't stand the smell or taste of any of it - but how could I condemn you for your pain and your reaction to that pain? Please know that this does NOT cause me to think badly of you...Who is to say what I would do in your situation? Knowing me, probably I would do alot worse. I am just so very thankful that Missy Lissy stood up to bat for you and is taking such good care of you. You've had a piece of my heart from way back in the day before the get-go, so don't you worry about me and my loyalty....it is with you and I am rooting for you all the way! It frightens me to know the things we can and do do to ourselves to avoid facing life and the pain involved in living...You, however, have made a TREMENDOUSLY positive step already. Admitted the alcohol was getting the best of you. Knowing you need to fix a problem is more than 1/2 the battle....Christine I am here for you....in any way that I can help....just call on me and I'll do whatever I can....remember, "You just call out my name and you know no matter where I am, I'll coming running to see you again....You've got a friend...." I love you dear Christine and don't you DARE ever forget it! many many extra smoochies and tons and tons of hugs Arlies

Dear sweet Christine!!....You have already taken the first step, which is the hardest...admitting that drinking is a problem for you.....and that you drank to get "numb" and to forget about issues you and the guy you're dating had.....Darlin, if you had to drink to deal with those issues you and he had, then that wasn't the kind of relationship you needed anyway!!....You are too sweet and kind and too good of a person to let someone like that bring you so down....and that's what he has done....i know it's hard right now, but one day you'll be thankful that it's over and you can go back and find the real "Christine"....because it sounds to me that she was hiding during this relationship.....i know the divorce has been so hard on you..it is worse than death...been there....but, your husband was the one that came and stayed with you that night to make sure that Emily and YOU were ok....that is wonderful for him to do that....maybe i'm wrong, but it sounds to me like there's still alot of feelings there....anyway, i say all this because i care for you....my husband is an alcoholic...hasn't had a drank in 27 years though..and you can do this too!!!....we will all be here for you lifting you up in our prayers....and you would do the same for any of us....you can beat this!!....have faith....we love you.... LORI R.

You are a precious person and we love you. We have all treated/medicated our pain in different ways, most every one of us on this board. It may have been alcohol, it may have been just FOOD, or fill in the blank!, but a lot of us DO understand. It is so hard to get out of ourselves and let God handle these things, but it sounds like you are trying to do this - even against your own will. Certainly we will all be praying for you, and all here to talk if you want or just listen if you want and accept you. I am so glad you are able to get on here and let us know what is going on with you and Emily, and thanks for trusing us enough to do this. She's right, admitting it is the first step. I love you and call me if you want or need any time - 601-992-7424 - DeAnna.

Christine, no words could ever tell you how sad this email made me. I have been so worried about you over the past six months. I love you dearly and just like Melissa, I will always be here for you!! Addictions are horrible and very hard to fight, but you are a strong woman and with the help and love of your family and friends you will make it through this and be a stronger woman for it. If you need ANYTHING.... please let me know, I am here for you ALWAYS.. I turned to alcohol after my separation from my son's dad, and it took me waking up one morning laying on my bathroom floor totally nude, not remembering how I got there and how I got home but laying in my own vomit to realize that I had a problem. The thought that I could have possibly had my son in my vehicle with me the night before (which I didn't) but could have.. all of the thoughts crossed my mind of what "could have" happened. Please stay strong and know that we are all here praying and thinking of you and will do whatever is possible to help you recover. I love you and miss you VERY much!! Rhonda

I don't know what to say except that I WILL pray with you and for you. You will have to do lots of praying yourself for strength. I cannot imagine the struggle you must be facing. I've always been afraid of being addicted to substances other than food... I think that's kind of how it went for you, like you said--replacing one addiction for another. Try to remove yourself from the situation and look for something better for you--when you feel compelled to take a drink, call someone, go online or something. If you find that you're not able to do this on your own, PLEASE don't be afraid to get professional help. The longer you let it go on, the harder it will be to get a grip on it...like so many other things. *hugs* please dont' give up on yourself.

Christini; Wow, you have been through an awful lot in the past couple of monthes. I will keep you in my prayers. I have been through some difficult times but never with drinking. So I can not even imagine what you are going through. Mine was always food. You have to be strong for your daughter and for your recovery from food. You do have friends here on the board. I don't know you very well but you have always been kind to me. Keep hanging in there. Steph

Christine, You are going through something that I faced many years back as a single mom raising 2 little kids with no money and no support! I finally realized that I needed to get off of the merry-go-round, and clean out the negative things that were making my life so difficult. You do not need anyone who will drag you down, instead you need someone to lift you up, and help you. Most guys out there are millstones, so you need to find your own path. You have made a good start, sit down and write out a 1 year, 5 year and 10 year plan for yourself, ie what do you want to do and where do you want to be? Then start to work on it, short term goals first then long term goals. It helps, believe me..... You will be in my thoughts. Email me if you need someone as a sounding board! Love, Cheryl