Another food controlling issue...

I was reading the post Tammy put on about food controlling you, and I have another spin that I'd like to throw out there... First, I thought about WLS for 2 years while my cousin was going through the process. I just kept asking her... "How can you give up food? We love it SO much....I enjoy the taste, texture, smell, etc..." I just didn't understand how it would ever work, and how she could ever be happy again. I thought she'd go through life regretting the fact that she can't eat that brownie, etc... Well, after my own surgery, I finally understand. I don't feel like food controls me at all anymore. In fact, I FINALLY feel like I'm in control of my food. Make sense? I share Christines philosophy... if you want it, eat a small bit and be done with it. Don't beat yourself up over it, it's OK - that is what NORMAL people do. It's learning not to binge on something, for me, that I had to get under control. I LOVE food now. Before, I just thought I loved it....but it made me feel awful, physically, emotionally, the whole 9 yards! But now, I cook good meals almost every night. I can take my time with planning and cooking because I'm not starving to death, or craving the food I'm cooking so badly that I eat my share of the meal while it's cooking - and again when it's done. I can relax and enjoy the smell of the food while it's cooking, and look forward to the 10 bites I'll get to eat. I savor every morsel, chew the hell out of it and then move on. I really do feel free! I don't want desert, because now, I HATE that "full to the point of hurting" feeling. Am I making any sense? I'm all over the place with this I know! Do I still crave food...yeah, sometimes I do just walk around the house looking for something to munch on. That's when I know it's head hunger. I keep things around that I can munch on, so if I do it, it's not so bad. Even munching isn't what it used to be. Like Christine... a handful, instead of a bagfull! And that's OK! I love life now - and am out doing so much more, even going out to eat with my friends every Monday night, and looking forward to "eatin' Sundays" at church.... because I know that I AM IN CONTROL NOW! Am I alone? Am I living in land? Am I setting myself up for a big fallout later? HUGS Kimberly

NO i dont think you are in for a fallout later, i think YOU have the control that we all need to have! I envey you, i think we go through this differantly. I want to learn to do what you are doing , i just cant get a handle on the cravings and the NEED to binge when im lonley, sad , happy , bored ect...... lol. Im much better in resturants and when im in the company of others, I dont want to LOOK like a failer. DONT get me wrong here i do eat MUCH healther and much much less, but the want is still here , driving me nuts! I wish i could just kick this ole friend , food, to the curb and never look back! I hate food, I love food, I hate food , I love food, GRRRRRRRRR!!!!! My best freind and my worst enemy! I do know that ONE DAY I will beat this demon, i wont let it make me fat and miserable again!!!!!!!!!!! hugs, dawn

I had just gotten on here to post some feelings too. I plan to post my feelings more and see if that will help. I am one that has to talk about it. My poor DH I know gets so tired of me just talking about stuff but that is the way I rationalize it to myself. I see more and more that maybe I am not doing badly with my eating. I am grazing I realize that. BUT I was thinking that one piece of pizza was bad. I was thinking it needed to be grilled food and veggies. Sure it should be mostly but I don't always eat "healthy". When Christine mentioned that happy meal yesterday I was surprised. I had the idea that she only ate fat free low calorie food. I am realizing that I need to eat less often and have my meals mainly. I can't eat much so the meals would be fine if I chose to eat 5 ff and 2 chicken nuggets. I just need to limit the nibbling. This morning I got me a cup of coffee with 2 equals and milk in it. I ate one tator tot out of my husband's breakfast from Wards. See I am feeling like a failure over that. I guess more like scared because I am loosing that tight rein I have had in the past months. I may go back to my therapist and discuss these issues. I am having a big deal around my house right now that I need lots of prayer about. I know that is a big stresser for me. Also"sorry guys" I did start my period after 3 months of nothing. I feel that may have been part of my weight gain Monday. Next week I will be down some. Also I have great constipation problems and after 2 days of laxatives got relief last night. that will also make your weight go up. I guess I am grasping at straws about that weight gain huh? Anyway I do want to make better choices but also know I need to back off on myself. I thing that is hindering my progress in a way. I am like oh I am depressed----go eat!! That is what used to work. Thanks for listening and I definitely need this right now. Love love and more love Jane

Jane, Depression will do it everytime. I want to eat out of boredom, lonlyness, etc... I too am having a major stressor in my house right now and need lots of prayers. I'll pray for your household and you pray for mine ok? When you feel like munching, get on here instead - give us a post, or feel free to shoot me an email. I'm a great listener! HUGS Kimberly

Thanks Kimberly Will do. Jane

Hey Jane.. No I dont always eat fat free low calorie food... Rarely fat free anything. I try to choose foods that are good for me but I dont always succeed. Last night I ate a chili dog (on a bun) but for lunch I had Amberjack and steamed veggies.. It was good. If I have something terrible for lunch then at dinner I try to go either low cal like veggies or all protein like eggs and bacon. Night before I had chicken chili. That is full of protein but for lunch that day I had a tuna fish sandwich on bread with mayo and a few BBQ potato chips.. The tuna was great but would rather have had it on lettuce. I think the idea once we are at the stage of maintence is to learn to live more NORMAL. We dont have to live in a bubble and never have anything good anymore. We should just still keep in mind that we cant have biscuits and gravy for breakfast, Chili Burgers and fries for lunch, grab bag of fritos for snack, and then greasy fried prok chops with mashed potatoes for dinner and then chase all that with a chocolate cake. I allow myself to have things (good and bad) but if I eat bad for one meal then I try to do good for the next meal. I have not had breakfast this morning - will have either a salad or omelet for lunch and for dinner we will be having homemade pizza... We all know that pizza is gonna be full of cals so for lunch I will eat light and try to only have one snack today - probably just a spoonful of peanut butter.. This always fills me up but yes it is a trigger food for me so I will eat it as late as possible this afternoon. You are doing fine Jane... I always gain at least 2 pounds right before I start.. and when its over it always leaves and takes some extra with it. Get full when you eat meals and some people like to be on a schedule. Melissa eats at specific times only.. Her breakfast, 9a snack, lunch at 11:30 or so, snack at 2 or so and then dinner and then a late night snack. She does wonderful with this and most her snacks are protein (cheese, peanut butter, etc). I tried it and it just doesnt seem to work for me. I am usually good to go until lunch and then I am really hungry. Very rarely do I eat breakfast (i know thats not good)... YOU HAD ONE TATER TOT... One measly tator tot... Was it covered in cheese and chili and was an extra large order and you ate the whole thing? I think not... dont sweat it girl..

Your not alone or crazy. Your taking great steps to always being a winner against food Like you, I have family that had wls & I thought she was crazy. Or that she would at least be ran crazy by the thoughts of never having certain things. But she hasn't so far Being able to take a bite or two of foods that I'm craving & walking away is still down the road for me. At least I'm thinking that it is. That is what I'm telling myself anyways. Why? Because of the fear that I can't walk away from it. How did you get to that point ? To the point of knowing just a few & then you could walk away from the rest. Did you just try it to see ? The reason I ask is because I've thought about trying that but if I can't walk away- then I have awakened a demon I don't want around any more. I'm usually out & about having the time of my life. Something I haven't done in a long time. So I don't sit around & think about food like I use to. For now, I try to avoid as many "eating situations" at social get togethers as possible. I worry about that encouraging "mindlessly eating". It could be real easy to not pay attention to how much I'm eating because I'm focused on something else. But I've got to get past that. I'd like to be completely sure of my having control over foods in every situation. Maybe I'm expecting or asking for too much. Tammy

Tammy, I think you are in training - and taking the steps toward this attitude. I started long before I had surgery. I quit buying the stuff that was a trigger... but that didn't stop me from having my "special occasion" cravings. I would still binge, it just meant more work to do it, like going to the store to buy it, getting home (if I made it that far), and then eating it. That helped alot. It usually wasn't worth it. I have found that this early in the game that I am in, the pouch just won't hold what my head wants to eat. Therefore, if I want something.... let's say a Reese's PB cup.... I eat one. ONE! NEVER NEVER before would I have eaten only one. I am training myself to eat and be satisfied with that ONE PB cup. I HOPE! I don't do it everyday...not even every week. But I do it! I also beat myself up over it sometimes. It's normal I guess to do that. I don't dump on sugar, but I have found that I want different things now. I don't crave the sweets like I used to. I enjoy different snacks, like Pistachio nuts - which by the way are really easy to snack on because it takes work to get those things out! I just know that my attitude towards myself has changed, and I am gaining confidence in my choices every day. I worry still that I will gain the weight back. But I don't plan on doing it. Maybe a little self-abuse is a good thing? I really don't want to go through life not being able to enjoy the little food luxuries. (sp?) I just want to be a normal person and not an obsessed person. I think we are all striving for that goal... and in time, we will arrive! I think you will know when the time is right, and if it's never, then that's that. Whatever works for you. Before surgery, if I had seen a person post-op, eating Reeses, I'd think to myself - HUH? How? and WHY? But now I know. Each day is different for me. I was/am an emotional eater. So depending on my mood, it tends to set the pace for the day. I just try a little harder the next. We'll get there! Keep the faith! HUGS Kimberly

Hey Kimberly... There have been moments back when I was really really struggling with food that I would think about all the things I wanted to binge on and I would think about just making a day of it. Cookies, chips, cake, icing out of the tube, chocolate everything I wanted. If I wanted it I would eat and just plan on being sick that day. That was some messed up thinking... Thats when I really realized I had severe food problems and thats when I started working really hard at fixing my head. What I realized is that I had deprived myself of those things in moderation and was just stewing over them. Couldnt feel satisfied until I had some. So, I allowed myself a few hershey kisses here and there and then a handful of chips here and there and slowly those huge cravings went away. One week out of surgery all I wanted was a super sonic jalapeono burger from Sonic. I wanted it bad.. I had lived on those so many times... I went to Sonic - chewed it up and spit it out - have yet to crave it since. Bad way to handle it I know but it was the only way to satisfy my head (taste buds)... When we have mexican I order a chicken soft taco and eat mostly just the guts of it and some chips and salsa. If I go with my friends we split fajitas. I dont fret over eating that stuff anymore cause I will binge on it later from deprivation. Kinda like not drinking for long when you finally get something to drink you just about cant control yourself to stop.

OMG I just receintly tryed to talk a friend into haveing one of those days where we eat everything and anything and start over the next day! I'm so glad that shes not as BAD as me and she said H@LL NO!!!!!! I wouldnt do it alone, but with a partner in crime i probably would have!!!!! IM doing SOOOOOOOO MUCH better these past few days since we have all been being honest and talking about all this ! THanks EVERYBODY !!!!!!!! dawn