read wls can destroy marriage

Hey yall I read an interesting article on the internet last night, it was about marriages that have ended in divorce after the spouses had WLS. Do yall think that a lot of people stay in marriages because they are obese and maybe they think no one will have them? It basically said that most couples where the wife or husband, most of the time its the wife that has had the surgery, end up leaving after they lose weight, and a lot of adultery goes on in the marriage after that. I personally think that WLS has nothing to do with marriages ending, I think the problems are between the husband and wife. just my opinon though, thought it was interesting. ttfn Crystal

Hey Crystal, I think that most of those marriage's already had major problems to begin with. They just don't want to admit it. However having WLS probably gave the person the boost of courrage they needed to leave. And it stands to reason that more of the cheaters are women. Because majority of the people having WLS are women. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings & I'm not preaching to anyone. But..... In MHO.... I think any person that has WLS & then cheats on their spouse, they are NOTHING BUT STUPID. Harsh I know. But this is the way I see it... A normal weight person has been with their OW spouse throught the fat years. Now that the OW person has lost weight, they want to cheat They need to wake up & realize just what they have. They could've easily had their OW tail left in the dirt at any time. But the spouse loved them so much, that their weight didn't matter. I bet those cheaters are also the same type people who yell that... "They Can't See The Forrest For The Trees" I'll shut up now.... Can you tell that I dislike cheaters ? I'd love to read it though. Where was it at ?

Yeah I agree, if the person you are with treats you good, and they love you regardless of what you look like, that means they love YOU and the person you are, these days that is a rare find. If you have someone that has stuck with you through thick and thin literally.... the wisest thing you could do is hang on to them...... that is if they are like I said above.. 'they love you and treat you good, ( like you are special to them) and they have loved you no matter what' Then you are a big dummy to leave them... but on the flipside, if they have been a total a#@! hole to you.. then I don't agree with cheating, but losing the weight will give you the courage you need to get yourself out of that situation.

In the list of complications I was given from the Docs at Keesler, divorce was listed as a complication. From what I hear, WLS makes strong marriages better and weak ones fail. Jim says he is not worried about me going "nutz" when I get my weight off.....my reponse was "Why the he!! not????" He laughed and said, "cause I know you too well." ANY kind of change in one's life stresses the marriage....good ones can take the stress pretty well.....Weak ones just can't.....Jim has wanted me thru thick and thin and I have invested 22 years with him....I am staying put! Smoochies Arlies

Right On Sister !!! I've been with Johnny for 18 years. We have been thru heck & back together. So as far as I'm concerned... I'm right where I need to be. And the best part of that is ... I'm right where Johnny wants me also Tammy

Hi Crystal! I agree with you there, the surgery doesn't "cause" the divorce. Just like everyone else says, it just enables the person who loses the weight to regain their self confidence, once they feel better about themselves, they get the nerve to file for divorce. Some people do indeed feel like they should just settle for fear of not getting anything better, once they lose weight, and get attention from the other side, they say hey, I can get what I want now ! I've seen that happen too. Even know of one case where a couple got surgery and the girl did really well, she started going to the gym , started getting attention from other guys and filed for divorce. The ex- husband ended up in therapy and committed suicide because of the divorce. It's really a question of how strong is the marriage to start with. I love my hubby with all my heart, and I 'd never leave him, he's the sweetest guy in the world and he's stuck with me thru everything so far. I know though that he did have concerns and we have discussed it. Reassurance is another huge point, if your spouse feels like something is starting to go wrong, and voices the concern, you just HAVE to address it. Communication is always going to be the key.

Hey Crystal, I agree with Tammy. Although I do think that insucure men might play into the fact that after their "fat wives" lose all this weight there could be problems. But I feel like if you have a strong marriage to begin with you can work through anything. Men dont like to admit they are insucre like women are willing to admit. NO DISRESPECT TO THE WONDERFUL MEN AROUND HERE!!!!! They might be able to add some light to this to. JUst my opioion. Love ya Denise

I agree that bad marraiges are made worse by the WLS. In my case, she came right out and said she wished I had never had the surgery. That pretty well sums it up to me. We are in the process of divorce now.

well .... i can speak for people who's marriage is not in the best situation right now..as you all know, my hubby absolutely does NOT want me having WLS. I am going against him to have this, because it is MY decision to have it. He has tried guilt trips with me, like 'what if you leave me with a kid to raise by myself' to 'you're health will be ruined by it because you will be so sick' to 'YOU are NOT having this surgery.. period!' uhhhhh yeah then he woke up! No one tells ME what I am going to do and what I'm not going to do. It just seems like he is only thinking of himself.. and as far as cheaters go.. let's just say I know what its like to have women calling my house and asking for my husband... I have stuck with him through a lot of crap, but it was because I love him and I wanted things to work... If he doesn't change his ways .. well I can't guarantee our marriage will survive much longer... it doesnt matter if I have WLS or not. 300 pounds or 150 pounds ... no one deserves to be treated like crap. Just my opinoion.... Crystal

This is my second marriage. My first husband would have supported WLS in a heartbeat. He had serious issues with my weight. Our marriage ended because of years and years of verbal abuse which was leading to physical. It took me 9 years to find my second husband. Oh how I met some winners out there. The thing is he loves me fat and all, but he was against this surgery. He was concerned about complications, etc. He has noticed in the last year I'm becoming a hermit. I don't want to go out anywhere. I'm tired of people staring at me and making comments. He is now on board with WLS. I had read some profiles where people had said their marriages were rocky and/or over. It scared me to death. I talked to my husband and we are both very committed to making our marriage as strong as it can be. He was very afraid that thin I would no longer love him. He is so wrong we've been through a lot and there is no one better out there. From what I had read I think some husbands were having a hard time with the weight loss. I know that it must be extremely empowering to lose all that weight and get tons of attention. I've rambled, but bottom line I think if husbands and wives are committed to each other and really talk about their issues they will survive WLS.