Getting really depressed

I know you guys are so sick of my whinning lol but I dont have anyone else to whine to. lol lol I just have the really really overwelming feeling that I am not pg this month. I dont know maybe it is all the past years of failure. I really did not want to put that much hope into it happening this month but I could not help it. I just felt like I had all these "signs" that I thought would work in my favor. Like dh being home all this month (which has not happened since we have been married) and now he is back off working again. Wont be trying as hard this month since he will be gone except on the weekends. I know I will be fine if I aint pg but it just seems to put me on edge. I have been so mean to my dh this whole weekend just because I am on edge about starting. lol lol I know this seems weird to some but I tell you what I would almost wish to be fat again (not that I am not still fat) then have to go through all this infertility crap! It is just so damn trying. And if one more person tells me to relax I am gonna puke in their face. lol lol I hate people that try and give advice when they truly have no clue what you are going through. I dont want people to feel like they have to walk on egg shells around me but it is not like relaxing is going to make my diseased ovarys start producing quality eggs. I had so hoped that the weight loss would truly help with my pcod but I guess only time will tell. And maybe I am being too impatient. okay so I know I am being too impatient but how long do I have to wait. I think 9 1/2 years is enough. I know God has a plan and blah blah blah. Sorry I am such a downer today. Just feeling sorry for myself I guess. And to make matters worse I have already made up my mind that I aint pg and I am not even due to start until Friday. But I am just so sure I am a failure this month. I think a women knows in her heart when she is pg and I just have not feelings like that what so ever right now. I pray I am wrong but....... Thanks for listening you guys. Love ya Denise

Denise, I have been lurking around watching to see what happens for you. I have been in your shoes, and I have posted almost the exact thing on various boards. It is a VERY trying time. My thoughts are with you. I pray you have a positive outcome, but if not, that you will have the strength to continue your efforts. Just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you. HUGS Kimberly

Kimberly, I truly truly appreciate your support and kind words. It is great to know that I have friends on this board (although I have never met them) *****ally support and love me. It mean alot to me to know I can come here and vent, cry, be angry, happy and all the other emotions and yet not be judged by them. Thanks again for all the support. Love ya Denise

Kimberly, I truly truly appreciate your support and kind words. It is great to know that I have friends on this board (although I have never met them) *****ally support and love me. It mean alot to me to know I can come here and vent, cry, be angry, happy and all the other emotions and yet not be judged by them. Thanks again for all the support. Love ya Denise

Hi, I'm lurking from the louisiana board, but I'm close to the Ms border.... I'm on a ttc board with a bunch of other women. I have a child and have decided no more babies for me, but I like seeing their little ones and helping when I can. You don't know how many women I've seen on that board saying I didn't think this was the month for me - and it turned out it was the month for them. You are close enough to the 19th (if I remember correctly thats your period date) to take a pregnancy test. It doesn't hurt and it allows you the chance to see. Also the dollar stores sell pregnancy tests and I know a few women who stock up on them so that they can test every few days around their period due date. Don't give up hope...you'll have a little one soon enough. Good luck

Diane, Thank you so much for your kind words. In fact I did take a pg test last night just to see and it was neg. But I dont even think I ovulated until last Thursday which was cd 20 for me. So if that is true that is late ovulation and prob would not show up know anyway. But I dont know I guess we shall see. If I dont get my period I will have to wait 10 days anyway before the dr will give me anything to make me start so it is just a wait and see game. I just hope that if I am not pg I will go ahead and start friday so I can get onto the next cycle. Thanks for your support and I am happy you are lurking here from the LA board. We love to have other states over here. Oh and btw I lived in covinginton for about 2 years and then in mandeville for about 2 years before moving back home to MS. I LOVED it in Covington. IT is sooooooooooooo beautiful there. Talk with you again soon I hope Love ya Denise

Denise, I can't imagine going through what you are. But I will say that I will keep you in my prayers. I would be on pens and needles too so I won't say relax. But I will say if you believe it will happen. Becky

Becky, Thank you so much for your support. I am feeling much much better today. It means alot to have friends like you on here that support me no matter what. I do believe that it will happen for me and my dh. I just pray that if it is not in God's plan for us that he will take the need away so that I can go forward with my life and get back to enjoying the new me. Thanks again for everthing! Love ya Denise

I sorta know what you are going thru, but not entirely. I had one child and then it took me 7 1/2 years to get pg with the other one. I wouldn't go get checked out to see if the complications (infections) I had after Jon had caused me problems, because I didn't want to lose hope. Then in Feb of 1991, Jim (without telling me his thoughts) decided to see if we could have another one. It was morning and night there for a while and holey moley, batman, I turned up pg!!! Tho I have not suffered with the meds and stuff associated, I KNOW what it feels like to know that part of your family is not here yet. I was so lonesome for somebody until we got Em and then that lonesomeness went away! It was her I had been waiting for all those years!! I pray that you have a wonderful outcome and that it is this month! Girl, the instant you tell me you are pg, I am going on a baby shopping binge!!!!! I will also knit or crochet something so get ready!!!! In fact, I believe I will start knitting or crocheting a baby blanket today and with each stitch pray for your little one(s). Hang in there girlie, I feel some babes in the air!!!!! Smoochies Arlies

Oh Arlies, You just made me cry. YOu are soooooooo sweet. Thanks for all the support you give to me. You just do not know how much I apprecaite it! I cant wait to visit with you Thursday. Hope I dont cry. lol lol I have been so damn emotionaly here lately. I cry at certain commercials when they come home. Stupid huh. lol lol See you soon. Love ya Denise