Did anyone have pre-op spouse problem ?

Hi Everyone, I haven't been on the board for awhile . Trying to figure this one out my self. No luck so for . Hubby has kinda become strange the closer it gets to my surgery date . He doesn't want to talk about it . And I can't seem to do anything right. He was in home for 10 days barely spoke and left. I'am at a total lose here. Does this happen so times. Wanda

It sounds like he has a case of the nerves. Family members have a hard time dealing with the reality, the reality being that there are a lot of possible complications in this surgery and one of them is death. He is probably distancing himself from you so that he can get a grip on his own feelings. My husband was totally against me having the surgery and I continued to talk about it, I had him attend a support group meeting with me and had him sit beside me while I was on this site and showed him before and after pictures and discussed my goals for myself after surgery. That really helped! I can't remember when your surgery is set for, but if you have we have another support group meeting before your surgery, bring him with you. Let him meet some of us. If there is not enough time for that, would you like for me and my husband to meet you and yours for lunch/dinner so that we can all meet and he can see that things are really great post op. I had my own "crazy" thoughts of "what if I die?" All kinds of things will go through your mind as well as the mind of your immediate family. You just have to way the pro's and cons. Just be sue that you do not go to the Memorial site. That is the worst thing you can do. Rhonda

Thanks Rhonda, My surgery is on August 24. I tried to get him to a meeting but it didn't work out. Lunch/dinner sounds good . He should get back about the 18 th. I 'am thinking maybe another spouse point of veiw will help out. I have had a lot of crazy thoughts lately. Mostly about who will take care of my children . My sons health has not been well lately ,worse than normal ,is has came down with MRSA and is on 2nd round of antibody. I will not go to the memorial site . I don't think that would be a good idea. Wanda

Let me know when you and your hubby will be available and we will set something up for dinner or something. My husband still believes that a person can achieve maximum results through diet and exercise so he definitely will not be there to talk your husband into believing that the surgery is the right thing to do. However, he can tell him how much the surgery has improved my health and everything about me. Maybe if your husband would meet some of the post ops and see there results it will help him. Start looking at the before and after pics on this site one day when he is home and show him someone that used to be your size and the size that they are after they reach their goal and maybe that in itself will be enough to put his mind at ease. Just be sure to make arrangements for everything just in case the worst does happen. That will help you put your mind at ease, that you know that your family will be taken care of no matter what. But at the same time, you need to tell yourself that you will be fine, that this is to improve your health and that you will be better than ever soon! Talk to you soon, Rhonda Email me at [email protected] and I will send you my home phone number if you don't already have it.

Hi Wanda !! Well, guys are hard to read sometimes, so I'm not even going to attempt trying to figure one out. I can tell you though, mine really at the beginning didn't think I needed surgery, he said I oughta just do it on my own, the "old fashioned way". When we first got married, I told him, for myself and my family, I wanted to lose weight and be healthier, a year later, I still hadn't achieved any significant weightloss, even though I really tried. Instead I lost a few and added even more. When we went to the first surgeon's consult, he about flipped when that guy mentioned a 1 in 100 death rate. That doctor also turned me down, saying I was not a candidate for this surgery and crushed my hopes. My hubby, the sweet man that he is, called my PCM ( as we were walking out of the surgeon's office and I couldn't talk because I was crying ) and tried to get me on a diet plan, but the PCM said that they don't do dietplans and I should check with Balboa Hospital in San Diego itself for that kind of thing. I did that, we moved, and I started finding another surgeon. This time, the visit went much better, the bariatric coordinator took her time to explain in detail what would happen and how... and my hubby from that point on was supporting me 100%. Maybe it was the insecurity, the fact he was told I could die !! And leave him with a 2 yr old all alone, out of state with no family, while he's in the military, for someone else to have to take care of her... I don't know. But I do know, TODAY he is happy as a clam that I went through with it. Sure, he told me on the way to get my surgery that morning, if you want to back out, I will not judge you. But I did it anyways.. and he's happy for me Good Luck to you. Just try not to push him too hard, I think he'll come around though ~Andie~

Hi,Andie I 'am trying to gave him some space to take all this in. But before he left he wanted a list of everything I do in a day for the care of our special need 11 year old . I think that might have overwhelmed him ,if he was thinking something might happen to me . I have taking care of our son for on long it is like a habit to me ,but I guess if he looked at it as if something went wrong he would have to take care of his medical needs . I guess like you said I have to not push him too hard. Wanda

It sounds like nerves to me too. This is a scarey situation for him (i know for you too! but dh's tend to take things wierdly!). I do know that one side effect (and it is listed as a side effect) of WLS is divorce. Sit him down and TALK. He probably needs some re-assurance and extra attention....or just pop him upside the head and tell him the Queen said, "cut it out!!!" Whatever works for you! Smoochies Arlies

Hey Arlies I'am will sit him down and talk . And by the way my Mom had the same idea about popping up the side of his head , but my hubby joke about how hard his head is ,mom said I would hurt my hand. Ha Ha!! Wanda

My husband was very quiet, insisted that I go to a larger hospital and find a top notch surgeon. When the staple machine misfired, that probably saved my life in that they reacted quickly and found the leak and took me to intensive care right away. Afterwards (it has been about a month and a half now) he has noticed little globs of fat disappearing from my legs, my face and breasts(surprise) are getting smaller, which he seems proud of! I think that he thought it would not work. He worries over what I can eat and has been great through this ordeal. It is a scary situation and I think your husband is afraid for you, I know that mine was!

Hi Cheryl, Glad to her your doing better. My oldest daughter said about the same thing . at his work he is in control . This he must feel like no control.She is the one who said I should talk to you guys. Smaller breast allright maybe I can buckle my seat belt w/o them getting in the way. Wanda