Why, oh why am I so stupid???

You know, everything has been fine and dandy. I got to a place where I am excited to start my life as a new and free me.... then I get the brilliant idea to look at the memorials. Lots of people my age and younger have died... Of course I know and understand the risks, but the memorials make the risks personal. I am not afraid of death... I am afraid of being debilitated. Then I talk to my dad. He says, just think about it and pray alot (which I have been doing). He says mom is more depressed, although happy with the weight loss and results, she just seems more depressed and quick tempered BUT - she is taking care of my grandma who has dementia, and she is getting worse... and mom has no help... Are these fears normal, and do you have them until you go in for surgery. I want to make sure I am in Gods will, and don't want to miss something he may be telling me. I think this surgery could change my life for the better... and new, healthy, free me... I love that idea. I guess I would be more willing if I did have some of the co-morbidities that go along with obesity... I am lucky - I don't have many... BUT - I want to prevent that from happening... I hope to have my surgery the first of September... am I ready? Heart and mind say yea, most of the time

Connie, I think what you are feeling is pretty normal. There are a lot of risks with this surgery, but there are a lot of risks with any major surgery. The best way to not worry worry worry until your surgery date is to keep yourself busy. The time will go by fast and in a few weeks after you have your surgery you will be glad that you did it. If you went into this with no fear at all, that would not be normal. Everyone has thoughts of fear that cross their mind at some point in time. Have faith and stay strong. We are all here for you! Rhonda G. Lap Rny 03/01/05 240/156/125 84 down and 31 to go!!

I am glad to hear my fears are normal. I know some fears are healthy and normal, but I have been obsessed these past few days. I always look for the worst... I have a deep faith in God, and I know he will bring me through this. My fears are getting smaller and smaller as time goes on. You look great by the way. I did recognize you at the support group. Sorry I didn't come up to you, but I am a shy type person (part of my weight issue Hopefully that will go away when I look as good as you Thanks, Connie

I totally understand where you're coming from. It's only natural to be afraid and confused. And it's also good to see the mortality information. Most of the people that have died with this surgery and a lot of physical problems (heart, dyabetes, kidney, etc) and they were high risk. I went through the same thing wondering if this is what God wants me to do. Would God want me to do this to my body? Shouldn't I trust Him? I honestly believed that I did trust Him and He led me to this. I had gone to try and have the surgery at one point and said "I don't want to die and leave my boys" so I went home to "do it on my own" and I came back three months and 15 pounds (gained) later and said "I don't want to die and leave my boys" and proceeded to have the surgery. I'll be praying with you. I know it's not an easy decision. You will hear a lot of things from different people (some good, most bad), but the ultimate decision is yours! This is your life and your body! God Bless! JY

Hi Joy... I did the same thing when I talked my mom into having surgery. I told my husband that if I didn't lose more weight and keep it off by the time I was 30, that I would have the surgery. I am turning 30 on Sept 3, and I hope to have the surgery on the 1-2 of Sept. I have not lost ANY weight, but I have gained... and kept it on... I know I will be in the hosp for my b-day, but what a better present to myself than a healthy start to my 30th year in life Thanks for your prayers, Connie

CONNIE, i to looked at the memorials. i should not have . i would tell myself for 2 weeks i can do this then i cant do this .. i even went as far as almost calling it off sitting in the holding room for surgery . you have to be the one to say i can do this .. pray pray pray if it wasnt for some real good people that i have met on here and my family and most of all GOD i would never have gotten to that day in my right mind lol . btw dawn and i where looking for you at the keesler meeting but had no clue what you looked like .if you ever want to chat i have yahoo and aol .. sara

Hi Sara, First of all, my aol screen name is conconlpn - for anyone with aol. I would love to hear and talk to any of you!! I am afraid that is what I would do - sit in the holding room, already with my IV in my arm, and say - sorry, I can't go through with this... Actually, the more I talk to people on here and yahoo groups, the better I feel. I actually realized someone at the support group goes to my church (not sure if she posts here, I recognized her - but didn't get a chance to meet her- I go to CLCA) and I can't wait to talk to her. I work with 2 people who have had the bypass, one would not do it again though. And then my mom has had it done. So I believe God has brought all these people into my life to encourage me. I was at the meeting, I will put a pic up soon. I will be there at the end of the month with DH and my mom also (hopefully)... Thanks, Connie

Connie, I posted an almost identical post two weeks ago, so boy can I relate to what you're feeling. I also looked at the memorial page and freaked out. I will pray for you and ask you to pray for me. This is a difficult decision. I was convinced God brought me to this surgery, but the fear is still real. I attended a Liv-Lite seminar in Oxford Tuesday and that helped with some of the fear. Dr. King and Dr. Byars answered all the questions I had. I go Tuesday for my EGD and to have a vena cava filter put in. I'm a little nervous about that, but I'm so ready to feel better. I'm tired of being tired. There's so much I want to do - play more with my daughter, do more at the church, work in my flower beds, etc. My daughter is at church camp tonight. (It's her first time to be away from me, other than going to grandma's or close friends.) If I were not so overweight, I would be at camp helping chaperone. I'm tired of my weight being an issue. It limits me so. Something was said during the seminar the other night by a guy who came to speak. He said before his surgery he did not see the heavy guy he was. He saw the thin guy he was meant to be. I'm that way. When I look in the mirror, I see the fit person I should be. My husband has a aunt that's 475 - 500 lbs. She is so disabled - lives in a large recliner, pretty much. I don't want to end up like that, and I don't know what else to do other than this surgery. It's either do something or accept my weight the way it is and wait for the inevitable, which is gaining more and health problems. That's why I want this surgery. Is it worth the risks? Only we can decide. I'm getting close to the point where I think it is. My weight has been an issue all my life. I almost can't believe I'm this close to doing something major about it. As far as diets, I gave up on them several years ago. I just couldn't stay on one. This is my last option. Gosh, I'm sorry to have posted so much. I just got started and couldn't stop. I know you got more than you asked for from me. Thanks for allowing me to vent. Again, I will say a prayer for you. Let everyone know how you're doing. Deborah in Grenada BTW, my older daughter is named Connie.

Hi Deborah, I am really glad others feel like I do. It normalizes my feelings, and make it so I don't doubt myself and having this surgery. I think the thing that threw me into this tailspin is that I thought I had till March to get straight with my feelings and this surgery. I was SURPRISED to find out they wanted to do surgery in 3 weeks. I have been talking, talking, talking to anyone and everyone I can. Everyday, I wake up with less fear, and more assurance from God. Oh, I know I will still be nervouse and anxious the day of surgery.... but I'll be ok. I look forward to all the things I will be able to do... Glad you posted what you did... This is a place to vent and let your feelings out, and I like reading what others are afraid of and have to deal with. I look farward to posting my surgery date, hopefully tomorrow. Connie