Doubts

Hi everyone, I am scheduled to have my EGD a week from Tuesday. Up until now, I have really felt that God had placed this surgery before me and that I was in His will. Now, I question if I am doing the right thing pursuing this surgery. Last night, I stayed up all night ****il 5 a.m.) reading the Memorials on this site. It just made me think, "Am I really willing to risk my life to lose weight?" I am so confused now. I want to have the surgery, but now I'm scared of something happening. I'm a widow and have two daughters: 26 and married and 9. As much as I would love to see my Savior and my late husband, I am not ready to leave this world and my two daughters. I ask for your prayers. I also would appreciate any words of wisdom from those who may have been through this. I've talked to people who have had the surgery who are doing great and would do it again in a heart beat. Then I read about those who did not make it. One thing I noticed was that alot of them were 2003 and before; a lot died from blood clots (filter now helps); some were already having bad health problems. This comforts me some. Anyway, I just had to share this with someone. Thanks for listening and God bless each of you! Deborah

Dear Deborah, First off, thank YOU for sharing your thoughts on surgery, this is what we are here for, to give you support during times like this. So you've read the memorials and you are doubtful if you should risk your life to have surgery? That's quite normal, let me assure you each and every one of us has faced this question, honestly, if you didn't think about it, I'd be worried ! I've also read your profile and there's one sentence I came across that tells me, even with this doubt, you've already answered your own question. You want to have surgery so you can be there for your 9 yr old in the future, for her to have at least one parent. I know exactly how you feel about this. When I finally had surgery, my health had taken a quick turn towards the worse, although when I started my journey, I thought I was pretty healthy otherwise. I said to myself, okay if I don't get a handle on this now, I'll end up dying before I make 40 and I want to be here for my kids when they grow up, my biggest fear was not seeing them grow up, because of neglect on my part. Between high BP that the doctors could not get to where they wanted it, and diabetes that quickly reared its ugly head within weeks before surgery, the reality that I might have 10 years if lucky, was enough for me to be convinced I had no alternative. At that point, there was nothing I could do anymore with my family, I wasn't even able to walk up a flight of stairs without becoming completely out of breath. One Flight!!! Or worse, just walking around the block just about killed me. I became painfully aware that I would rather DIE trying to get better, than to drag on unhealthy and helpless, because I was weak and could not get a grip on my health any more. I also accepted that if HE decided it's my time, I would just as well accept that alternative but I did NOT want to live this way any more. I knew my family would be burdened by my being sick in the not-so-far future. No one is willing to leave this earth voluntarily, but I had come to terms with the possibility and had told my family, if that's what happens, I am accepting this and to not blame anyone other than myself in the unlikely case that I should not make it through surgery. In the end, I just decided, unlike others who wrote letters to their loved ones, to just bru**** off and that I just wasn't going to be one of those statistics. I am an optimist and I put my life in my surgeon's hands. I believed in his competence and to this day thank him for giving me back my life. If GOD brings you this far, he'll see you through it. Only you can make this decision, no one would blame you to back off and re-think your decision, if you need more time, just see if you can postpone surgery by a month or so. It's better to come to terms than to later regret. I, too, would have my surgery again, in a heartbeat. We're here for you, if you need us. ~Andie~

VERY NORMAL!!! What I did was chose somebody that was a bit heavier and had more health issues than me and use them as an inspirition - as in if they can do this and live, then so can I......It helped me immennsely! Smoochies, ARlies

Hi Deborah, One thing I did was surround myself with positive people. If someone started talking death, fears, etc. to me, I just descretly was unavailble for them the three weeks before surgery. I found a prayer partner that I told all my worries. Quickly, she would come back with verses that would give me peace. Also, I did not visit the memorial page. Out of the millions that had surgery these are the ones who did not make. However, I stayed on the Mississippi Board listening to the stories of survival. Stories of people bike riding with their children, dancing all night at their daughter's wedding, going shopping for new outfits because their clothes were practically falling off of them, etc. If you need a prayer partner, I would be happy to pray with you. May God Bless You, Sonya Sumrall

Hey Deborah, I have not had surgury. But I feel that if I don't have surgury I will die so it is a chance I am willing to take. I am 27 years old. but my motto is that Andrea already said If God brings you to it, he will bring you though it. This is a decision ONLY you can make though. Just pray about it. Joyce

Thanks, everyone, for your responses. They have helped. I'm going to pray about this some more. Thanks again and God bless you! Deborah