PRAY PLEASE AND HELP!

Hello everyone- I have been going through a rather hard time. Another bump in the road has occured. I have forgiven but I just can't forget and can't believe that someone I love did this to me! I feel worthless and unloved and unwanted. I feel like its my faught, but I have to know its not. But I think it is! I don't want to get into details. I need help on how I feel and how I can get over something that was done. That was wrong. Boy does life suck! It hurts the most bc I love this person. They did it even though they knew my views on it and knew it'd kill me! My heart is crushed, broken, and I think still beating even though it doesn't feel like it. How can I move on past this? How can I forget? How can things get back to the way there were? P.S. Basically what this person did was cheat. ~April~ LAP RNY May 13, 2005 21 yrs old, 5'1 231 / 197 / 120

Its kinda hard to talk to you about it without the details.. Going on what you are writing I would assume this was your husband. If it is and he cheated on you--you're the only one who can decide what to do. Nobody can tell you what to do or how to forget. I dont know the details so I dont know what to tell ya. Hope you are feeling better soon.

I have to agree with Christine on this.... But I couldn't help notice your saying.... " They did it even though they knew my views on it and knew it'd kill me! " To Me.....That doesn't sound like love or carring about your thoughts. Going on that one sentance alone..... I'd be asking myself " Why bother ? " But keep in mind I am the type person who doesn't take sh*t from anyone. My way of thinking is, My hubby has to prove that he wants me & me alone. I'm not begging him or anyone else to stay with me. And I'm surely not going to fight to keep him. Hope all works out for you. JUST REMEMBER TO STAND YOUR GROUND & DEMAND RESPECT !!! People usually tend to treat you the way you teach them to treat you.

Amen sister! Your my idol when it comes to not taking **** off of anyone!! I know that to be true... hehe I am with you and will not fight to keep my man. There shouldnt be any fight to it and if you have to fight for him --he aint worth it. I guess we arent even sure if he is even cheating but going on what lil info we were given that is what I assumed. I got my husband in a bad way. He was in a bad marriage - She cheated on him ALOT.. Even she will tell you that. When I met him he was married. I didnt know he was married until 2 weeks later. I asked him and he said he was but that they were more or less roomates. I ended it right then. I told him if he wanted to be with me he would have to get a divorce. He called me all the time and I wouldnt answer. About a month later he showed up at my apt with divorce papers. It was a very rocky beginning. We met up one day at the park to get his son and she was fixing to beat my ass (Do you blame her)... anyway, my brother was with us and he stopped her...In the end she hooked up with my brother and they have been together ever since. She is one of my very best friends. I am not proud of what I did but I think it worked out the way it was supposed to. Its not awkward. People are always amazed when I tell them that she is Williams ex wife and married to my brother. They dont understand how we can get along after what all we went thru in the beginning. 10 years is a long time to heal and we have family together. You can either move on or dwell on the past forever. We chose to move on. But, knowing that my husband did that to her--even though she had done it to him so much -- for the longest time there was no trust. But, I love my husband and I know he loves me. I will kill him if he ever cheats on me (which I dont believe he has--even when I was 275 pounds)... I dont know what I would do. Is him cheating worth giving up 10 years of marriage --YES... It IS the untimate betrayel like Andie mentioned. Even for men where its JUST SEX --its an emotional thing for us women and that is not tolerated. Its a tough thing. Sometimes the men can straighten up and were just weak (cause we all know how men are) but its not soemthing women can get over easily. I guess if you want to work it out with that person then thats fine but you HAVE to move on and if both parties agree on letting it go - its something you have to let go and not continue to throw up in their faces. I am not saying what was broken couldnt be fixed and I dont know what i would do in the situation but I would hope I was strong enough to move on. But, I dont believe the phrase "Once a cheat, always a cheat" ... thats not a fair assumption. But I would chop it off --then decide if we should work it out... haha... easy solution in guaranteeing it wouldnt happen again...

Hey Christine I totally agree with you on that there's too many stereotypes out there, "once a cheat, always a cheat" doesn't pertain to all men (or women). Some people get away with for a long time and then when caught are remorseful and never do again. Honestly, if there's one thing that can help, it's a mediator, a councelling session, ----- IF---- there is remorse and the decision that an attempt to save the relationship is at hand. I wouldn't chop if off.....don't think the law considers that an option (cough) and neither fighting for / over a man , nor mutilating him is going to solve anything (cough)

I'm sorry someone did this too you but it will all work out. My ex cheated on me we were toget 9 1/2 years it took time but i realized there is another day, he can't stop me from breathing,living,succeeding, and going out if it is your husband i hope you can work thru your problems i will pray for you.. lisa

April, Sorry to hear you're going through rough times. Years of a previous relationship have taught me to not accept dishonesty and there's just really no excuse anyone can give you to make it acceptable. Cheating is the ultimate betrayal in my eyes and I just can't accept it. To me, once this is done, it can not be undone, to get over it is very hard and you live in constant fear it will happen again. I had harbored hard feelings for so long that it took someone else to give me a reality check, that I am absolutely going to have to learn to trust again, because I was so suspicious of everything, I wasn't giving someone who had absolutely NOTHING to do with the previous guy, a fair chance. I would look at everyone the same way and automatically asumed they were the same way. Took me years to get over being cheated on. Literally. You're going to have to decide if you are going to tolerate it and if so, what you're going to expect from the future. Set ground rules. "THIS is how it's going to be" and if the other person doesn't like your rules, then you know there's no remorse and you're probably better off without. Nobody can do this for you, no one can assure you that it's not going to happen again. Re-evaluate the relationship and ask yourself the question, if it happens again, will I call it off or am I going to just forgive and forget again? Can you live with this? Is this what you want your relationship to be like? Take a deep look into yourself and make a decision, I think you're worth being genuinely loved and cared for, you're not a disposable person. The one who's hurting you is the one who's losing out. You're a wonderful person and you deserve to be loved, you deserve someone who loves you with all their heart and would worship the ground you walk on. That's my opinion on this. Only you can decide. ~Andie~

Hey Short and Sassy, I am a counselor but more than that I am your WLS sister. If you need a someone to listen, you can email me at [email protected]. Praying for you daily. Sincerely, Sonya Sumrall

IF this was your hubby cheating, then I agree with Andie, Christine, and Tams. I will tell you right now that I have spot in the backyard reserved for Jim were he to cheat on me and he KNOWS it! It would devastate me, too, and then I'd kill him - my motto is no exes, no steps.....bury your problems in the backyard! But not knowing the situation, I will say this to you. You are a very beautiful and lovely person and very deserving of love and respect. This is not something you caused. YOU did not make this decision, the other person did and it is not fair to you to make you feel it is your fault. If YOU HAD made this decision, I think you would have prolly chosen a different, hopefully better, course of action. You are loved. You are beautiful. You are a wonderful person. Never forget that! The Queen says so, so it MUST be the pure truth! The Queen would NEVER lie to one of her loyal, royal subjects. Hang in there sweetie.....we all gots your back! Smoochies & extra, extra hugs, Arlies