What I learned at Support Group Tonight

I learned that I am a binge eating/chewing and spitting/grazing bulimic. The following is pure honesty! Dr Carsons (our nutritionist) was the speaker and he touched on some of the eating disorders that are common among bariatric patients. Its no secret that I have chewed up food before for the taste and spit it out. It became a real problem for me about 3 to 4 mos out. I almost was afraid to swallow food. I had my sister extremely worried about me and on the verge of admitting me somewhere. I let the fear of gaining weight take control of me and to solve that I would chew it up and spit it out. I have gotten control of it and its not something that I do regurarly but I wont lie.. I still do it on occasion. No where near as bad... but sometimes. (EATING DISORDER #1) I also tend to graze and binge eat about a week before my period and throughout my period. When I say binge eat and graze - I mean.. I eat everything in site and come back for more after an hour or so. I am not joking.. I can pack in some calories during this time. Binge eating and grazing are NOT GOOD no matter what time of the month it is. (EATING DISORDER #2) Admitting the problem is the first step in recovery. I told him that I was a binge eater and a grazer. I left out the chewing spitting part... He knows this anyway. I have talked to him about it before. But I did not want to scare all the pre ops that were there... Binge eating turns to guilt... guilt then turns to more binge eating... then I end up gaining back the 111 pounds that I have lost. Next will be vomiting --Eating disorder #3??? I think not... I am making a vow right now to get this under control and I want some honest feedback and help from everyone of you guys. I know I can count on you and I am planning on posting my foods everyday. He suggested that we start taking 500-1000 mg of B6 10 days pre-menstrual and dont stop until we are done with our periods. This should help with the cravings and help hender the urge to binge. Also, looking around the room tonight in our support group--- there were not many post ops there. The group seems to get smaller and smaller and there are only a few veterans left. I have noticed that on this board too. Seems after folks have the surgery --they go away. I know everyone is busy but I Dr. Carsons stressed the importance of being actively involved in having support groups and people you can be COMPLETELY honest with. The ones who quit attending support groups are the ones who do badly. They are the ones who are more likely to gain the weight. If you are preop---once you get surgery--stay active on this board and in your local support groups. Dont be embarrassed to talk about backsliding... Hearing it and talking about it can help. Hiding it only hurts you. The first step is admitting you have a problem. Going to this meeting tonight and hearing him talk about me (not that he knew) was like having red flags and hearing DING DING DING... I need to hear this and I need to know how to deal. My name is Christine Clayton and I am addicted to Cheetos! I am making small reachable goals for myself. My biggest problem right now seems to be cheetos. My goal is to have NO chips for the next 3 days. Thats goal #1. After those 3 days and I reach that goal--I will set another one. I will strive harder to get 2 fruits in a day and green veggies. I will watch my carb intake. Carbs make me hungrier. (Dont ask what I had for dinner--it was pre-support meeting)... Had to let yall know what was going on in my head and what I learned. Remember preops... this will not fix your head....make sure your head is right before going into this. I am going to check on a counselor who has some knowledge on eating disorders. Eating disorders arent only for those afraid to eat but also for those who eat too much.

I am in support group with Christine and learned that I also am a binge eating/chewing spitting/grazing bulimic. Christine and I have discussed this alot with one another. Now we are armed with much useful information that will allow us to help one another better. She is my chosen person to be my daily contact and source of honest support. I am a food addict and I will fight this the rest of my life. But with the proper support I can stay in recovery. I too am addicted to Cheetos and any other type of chip that has a cheesy flavor. I will not have any Cheetos or any other chip for the next three days. Once that goal has been a success I shall pat myself on the back and move onto the next small goal. Really and truthfully chips is not my only addiction. I am really just a carboholic in recovery but fighting it hard these days. Admitting the problem is half the battle. So hopefully all this new info I have at my disposal will help me immensely in this daily fight. My best advice is to find a support group and a buddy you can be open and honest with and can depend on to be there for you when things are rough. And don't ever get into that mind set that you are suddenly normal and don't need the support group anymore. Another eating disorder that he mentioned that I do not have is the nightime and middle of the night eating. He really described that one in detail and it is easily treatable with medication. So night time eaters there is help out there. Anyway, you all know way too much about me about now, but hey that is what this is really about. I feel better already. Melissa Lap Rny 1/15/04 277/136 -141 pounds

I think it's very brave of ya'll to post not only your good points but the slip ups and what you learn about yourself too. I have to admit I look at ya'll and think "they must do everything right...they look so great i hope I can be that way too" and hey that's a lot of pressure so ya'll speaking out tonight has helped me in ways I can't even describe. And your opening up the board to be even more supportive and a closer family. Hey if we can't share it here where can we share it? Again thank you so much Christine and Melissa for sharing everything. Huggles and love, Keli

I thought you were gonna be able to come tonight. We looked for you. I am not one of the lucky ones who was able to never look at food the same way. Some come out of surgery and not want food and some dont. I was watching the FOOD NETWORK 3 days post op. Laying in the bed watching them cook food. How stupid is that? Laid up in the hospital bed from having your stomach rearranged so you cant eat and I am sitting their watching them cook food. I shouldve been watching cartoons. Your right... it is a lot of learning and learning deep down things about yourself. Sometimes you dont want to see them but thats how we fix ourselves. I get so frustrated sometimes and I know when I first started attending support meetings nobody really talked about head hunger. Everyone pretended it was perfect or either I believed they thought it was because nothing bad was ever discussed. I believed it and after surgery I thought... Wow, I am really broken. I am so screwed up I cant even make this work. For some its like that --for some its not. Its a daily struggle. Some days your the windsheild and somedays your the bug. You shouldve come. It was a good meeting. He is a wonderful nutrionist. Very smart and he knows alot about bariatric surgery.

Hi Ladies, I was also at the support meeting on Monday. I know I have a problem with night-time eating. I don't know if it is truly a clinical problem or just a nasty habit I've given into following. I would like to hear about the programs that you find Christine. I often struggle with situations that I don't discuss not because I'm intentionally hiding them but because I haven't fully wrapped my own mind around them to express my feelings with any degree of clarity. When I don't understand something, it is hard for me to explain it to someone else. I will research the night eating topic see what I find. If anyone else finds info/treatment, please share. Elesha

I found the meeting to be very comforting and scary all at the same time. I realize that some of the dysfunctional behaviors are quite the norm and I am not alone out there. I feel much better about everything and realize I am going to be okay. It will take support and dedication and determination but I can be okay. At least now I know what I have and how to work on it. I too don't discuss things not necessarily because I want to hide something but because I just really don't know myself what it is exactly or how to tell someone else about it. But anyway we are all in the same boat and can help each other. So whatever I find in my research I will definitely share it with everyone in hopes we can all benefit. It was so good to see you. I didn't get to talk to you very much as the meeting was long and I didn't get to stay long afterwards. We have got to do a lunch soon and just chat. Melissa

Thanks Melissa, I am always tickled when I get to attend a "live" support group and enjoyed seeing everyone. I agree with you about the conflicting feelings last night. I am still a little disturbed about identifying myself with another disorder! LOL Perhaps I have hypercondriac (sp?) syndrome! I do miss having lunch with you all. Once my children are back in school I'll have some free time again, so let's schedule another chit-chat session around that time. Elesha

Hey Elesha... I too wanted to say that it was great to see you last night!

ok Christine and Melissa, My name is Barry and I am not a grazer but I do have a prob with eating at night right at bedtime. I really wish now thatI could have made the meeting. It sounds like ti was so educational. I wish that I could have heard what the nutritionalist had to say. Maybe one day he can come back. I am so proud to be a part of this board and a part of the great support group that we have. You ladies and gentlemen make me proud to be here. I feel like this is a family not just annonymous folks that talk. And I want to thank you all once again you are such insperations to me. Barry

You say we are inspirations to you but you should hear what we say about you behind your back. YOU --- are the inspiration. YOU make us excited to see you and see how happy you are doing. YOU make us remember how exciting it was and seeing you makes me want to do right by this surgery. It shouldnt be taken for granted EVER.... We are proud of you and you are our inspiration.