Why are people in denial about Surgery?

I just have to sound off. I got an email from one of my cousins. I had finally emailed her about my upcoming surgery. She said that she was shocked and had made a previous comment that she didnt feel I needed to do this. However, she is 4 inches shorter than me and about 30 pounds heavier and almost cannot walk! Why are some people in denial? Do they not see themselves as they are? I certainly see myself, the fatty legs, big stomach and legs and upper arms that mean that sleeveless tops are just not an option! Here you can automatically spot people who are Americans, they are all fat almost without exception! The food must not be good for us, something is making people very fat.... Anyway, I am sure that she will come around, and I dont care if she doesnt since this is my decision! Thanks for listening while I blow off some steam!!!!!

I think it's cause surgery is scarey and they don't won't you to actively do something scarey - but it is okay if you passively eat yourself to death as long as a couple of comments can be made about it occasionally!!! I truly think most people react out of fear. A skinny person, I can kinda understand, thinking you should just "not eat so much" ....as if...., but another fluffy person....I dunno. Partly, tho, cause being fluffy is "safe" and if you are fluffy and they are fluffy, they have a comrade (sp) and all is well, but YOU changing is a threatening thing.....and ya'll thought Psycho Doc did me no good at all Smoochies Arlies PS when all is said and done, when folks see how much better you feel, how much prettier you are getting, etc, after surgery, they tend to come around....Both my brothers were supportative, but skeptical prior to surgery, now they are both SOLD and AMAZED!!!!

You are right. My cousin's father died of a heart attack in his 30's and she has problems too, but just does not want to face up to any pain or sacrifice to get smaller, and prolong her life. She did email me today and seems better though, I guess it will have to sink in. By the way, her friend did have Gastric and is now down to her normal size and that is infront of her face. She just says that the friend can only eat a half a sandwich and what a shame that is.....Go figure???? Who needs more than a half a sandwich or a small serving. No ONe!!!!! Love ya, Cheryl

Hi Cheryl !!! I can relate to you wanting to let off some frustration about this subject, I've had family members who commented in a very similar way. I'm thinking a lot of people are in denial for different reasons. Some would probably have the surgery if they could find a way to get it done ( covered by insurance ), as I have friends who work with me or back home, their insurance is just not budging and they are very adamant about the success of those who have been lucky to get it done. Others are jealous of the fact that you've been brave enough to do it and lost all that weight, whereas they may be too scared to go through it and then just claim you "took the easy way out". I've wanted surgery as long as I can remember. Stomach stapling has been on my mind since my mid 20s when I had my second child and ballooned to over 250 lbs. And back then it was something only the rich could afford to do. I knew exactly what I looked like and I just "gave up" eventually when I just couldn't deal with the constant up and down of dieting and surrendered, thinking, this is me, I'm not meant to be skinny. And believe me, I'm originally from Europe, I've always been subjected to the comments as well when I would be there.. the Fat American. I have to add at this note though, in Germany, health insurance will pay for things like a six week health retreat where they put you on a diet, an exercise regiment, and all at a nice lovely setting of some kind of a "sanatorium" setting out in the country, in the Alps or at the North Sea, etc... so I think if our health care system would finally start helping us keep from getting THIS BIG, it may be a good start of a healthier nation??? Then there are the ones who are simply mis-informed and if you try to tell them what the truth is, that this surgery is now done safely, they don't want to hear it. They just "know better" and you can't ever tell them anything In those cases, you can just try to ignore and smile and think to yourself, well I am getting healthy and that's what matters. Nobody else matters, you're looking out for what counts - number ONE!!

I understand what you mean! But there are ways to get this surgery. I understand if you have an underlying condition such as high blood pressure, knee and joint problems, or a history of diabetes in your family it is even more possible that you can get approval. I think people give up too easily! Also, apparently vocational rehab can play a big role in helping people and some people who have medicare and medicade can also have this surgery for free! They just need to get more recommendations from specialists, and also submit articles from the web, and if necessary threaten legal action. Some lawyers will write a letter for about 20 dollars or sometimes for free. If you have enough documentation you can get them to budge. But some people seem oblivious to their weight. I was sooo surprised when I went home year before last and was somewhere, I was down to about 200 then and several men flirted with me!!!! It seems as if, especially in the South, weight is epidemic!!!! Even men seem to have some kind of revision in their perception of how others should look! Things like chairs have become larger, furniture is soooo big compared with Asia. Of course, Germans are big people too, and not fat just tall and big boned, at least those I see here! The difference would not be too much but Americans are rolly polly fat! Cannot walk very far, and would not dream of doing it either, where people in Europe and Asia walk very long distances! I am in shock when I come home and see the HUGE portions at restaurants!!!!!!! We went to Copelands to eat and the seafood platter could feed a starving family of 6 in Asia. My nephew who is not a skinny lad by any means, wolfed down a whole one and part of mine too!!!!! But you are right! Some people do not care about their weight, big is beautiful, but if you eat yourself into the grave what then??? Thanks for supporting me, it means a lot!!!!! Smiles! Cheryl

Alot of people are pure and simply scared of the surgery and probably have not heard enough good stuff about it or have researched it enough. I work with a girl who weighs a good 600 pounds if not more and its apparant insurance will pay for it cause 3 of us have had it so far. But she is not interested in it at all. She told someone she likes to eat too much. Well, eating is what will kill her. Hate to say that but she is not healthy at all. She is alone though too and some say that is her mechanism for keeping people at a distance. She is so large that she cannot even wipe herself or bathe herself. I am not trying to be mean but its the truth. There is no way she is able to do this. Some that I work with have asked me to talk to her about the surgery and I have absolutly refused. It is not my place to push this on anyone. She knows I have had it and if she wants to talk to me she is more than welcome. Fear is the reason some treat us like that and jealousy is a big factor too. Alot of peoples insurance wont pay for this and so this is their way of dissing it. Some are in denial. I was in denial for a long time. I thought I looked great at 266 pounds! Wow.. was I blind. Took alot to get me to this point and this surgery was a blessing for me. But it is NOT for everyone. There are complications therefore I do not pu**** on anyone. After my surgery my entire family went on a diet. Nobody wanted to be the biggest. I was the biggest until that point and then nobody wanted to take my place. Haha.. Kinda hurt my feelings and I felt like as long as I was the biggest it was okay... Now, I am the smallest and it feels really good to strut my stuff. haha... Family members tend to be the cruelest when it comes to weight and my grandmother and mother who are both overweight were the worlds worst. But, now... they cant say anything! You do whats best for YOU and dont worry about what anyone else says.

I feel sorry for that poor girl! Doesnt she realize that not being able to bathe yourself properly means infections and that you smell??? But you have to have a positive outlook and a commitment to a new way of life for the REST of your life and maybe she just isnt ready to do that! When I come home, I usually see really fat fat girls (bigger than me) in shorts and halter tops!!!!!! talk about overexposed! I went to the market here and they sell western clothes so cheap, I saw a halter top in a size 26/28! No joke!!!!! It is shocking to see but I have to admit, they must have a positive self concept, I have always been ashamed of being so fat and tried to cover it up, not expose it!!!!! Funny how competive people are and now your whole family is on a diet! Are they going to be successful? I never have been, slowly the weight creeps back on, and I have lost down several times, but it never lasts! And everytime it gets harder to get it off, the body is soooo stubborn.... Thanks for sharing! It helps a lot! Cheryl

No, they never seem to keep it off. Of course it comes off and they lose 20-30 pounds but they gain it back. Typical results. But, my mother is one who doesnt pay me compliments alot but she told me the other day that she couldnt stop looking at me. I took it as a compliment. I love my mother dearly but I dont think she is as supportive as she could be. I think it is because she is a little jealous of my weight loss. I see other peoples parents gushing over them and being so supportive of them and it makes me a little jealous. I wish mine were like that. Granted I love them and I know they love me and are proud --they just dont know how to show it. I see those same halter tops and I have seen some really overweight people wearing such things and I wonder to myself if they really knew what they looked like wearing that --would they? Or am I jealous of their self confidence cause at my heaviest I would do my damndest to cover myself completly up. I prayed for winter so I could wear heavy clothes. I hated summers cause my legs would be seen and I couldnt cover up. Even now, at 155 I am still self concious and tend to cover up. I still wear shorts with my swimsuit and am constantly pulling at my swimsuit. I am excited for you that your days are fast approaching. I really cant wait to meet you. We should get together sometime. You wont be that far from me.

When and where are you having surgery? We want to support you. Glenda

Hi Glenda, I am having Surgery at Oschners in New Orleans on June 28th. It is kind of a fast track because I am living in Hong Kong although I am from MS. I will have the summer to recooperate before I have to return to HK the first of Sept. I am teaching Art at an International School. I hear that Oschners is great, Doctors are wonderful. I have been gathering information have had my presurgery tests here in HK and purchased Unjury for afterwards already!!! The internet and a credit card can get the job done! LOL! My daughter is in New Orleans, near the hospital and she will be there, I will have her email everyone and I will post my cell phone number when I get to US if anyone wants to call! Thanks for being sooooo supportative!!!!!! Cheryl