I need to VENT!!!!!!!!

I have this friend when i told her about me going to have WLS, she flipped out. She was like you don't need to do this your fine like you are or if you want to lose wt stop eatting and exercise!!!!!!HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! O****ep my cool and explain how I've tryed both many times and sometimes they work for a little while and then i regain what i had lost plus some! Well then she pulls this crap that "everyone isn't supposed to be thin, and this i just how God ment for me to be"!! I never said i want to be "thin" I just want to not have to take meds everyday and i don't want to be in constant pain with my back, knees, and feet!! And i'm tired of setting at home while my family is out enjoying life and i'm always to tired and short of breath to partisapate(spell) in the fun! (This is what i explained to her) She told me I was "full of it" and I just wanted to try and look cute the eazy way!! This is all so very eazy her to say she's never been overweight , she's a size 4, (and yes there is a such thing) ! I just hoped she would have been happy and excited for me, but this is the crap I got ! She's always been supportiave of me in the past on other things why not this? I think this is going to be one of the best things i"ve ever done for myself! Have any of you ever delt with someone like this? I love her dearly and don't want to lose her friendship,What should i do? Thanks for listening (at least this time it's not my paranoia!!) DAWN

Believe it or not my husband said some of the same things to me when I first thought about doing it. Also, my mom freaked out. However, once I just flat out told them both that I was having it done and that it was my choice to make and my body, they both had no other choice but to accept it and became supportive. Now, three months later, they are both glad that I did it, because I am much healthier and have much more energy than I did before. Not to mention I look better.. That is a plus. You have to be strong and do what you feel is best for you. If your friend can not stand beside and support you when you need her most then she is not that good of a friend after all. I understand that she has some questions about it and is worried, but she has no idea what it is like to be overweight so she has no right to pass judgement or give advice. I hope this helps you some, bring her to the support group meeting with you and let her meet some of us that have been through it and see if that will help her with her opinion of the surgery. Rhonda

HEY Girl friend, you always help me feel better this was the first negative comments i've had to deal with. I think most of her problem is she's scared to lose me in one way or the other, if i don't die form it she probably thinks it will change me,i guess my fat is comforting to her!! Well anyway, are you back in town? what did your folks think? See you tuesday night!!! DAWN

Hey! Glad I could make you feel a little bit better! Don't let negative people get to you.. I am still in GA, but I told you I am addicted to this site and can not go with out reading it and answering things. We will be leaving around lunch and will probably have to drive home in rain all the way. It looks like what you guys are getting is headed this way. The weather here is beautiful at the moment though, just too HOT... Talk to you soon! Rhonda

Until they have stood in your shoes and have been obese enough to qualify for this surgery then I would not let their opinion bother me. They do not understand. Walk a mile in my shoes.... Nobody understands what it is like to be morbidly obese unless they are themselves morbidly obese. Do not let people who know nothing about this surgery degrade the surgery or call it the easy way out. There is absolutly nothing easy about this. NOTHING! Whats easy about getting your stomach cut open and your insides rearranged. You will deal with emotional issues.. Its not easy and for your sake dont go into this thinking it is. I thought it was a miracle cure and I was wrong. I deal with head hunger issues everyday and its been a huge problem for me. Its hard - not easy. Its worth it but its definatly not the easy way out. Yes, I had friends and family members who would tell me to push away from the table and exercise. Tell your friend to strap on an extra 150-200 pounds and see how many miles she can run or how many laps she can swim in a pool. There comes a time when you are so far gone that you absolutly cannot do it alone. Most who diet and lose it - quit the diet and gain it all back. This is a last resort. Who doesnt want to look skinny. Yes, Its gonna happen and your self esteem will improve and you will be healthy again. Being cute and skinny is a side effect.. haha... Take your friend to a support group meeting and listen to post ops talk about what they go thru and what they feel. How they feel about their bodies now, what they stuggle with on a daily basis... there are struggles. Its not easy. Trust me...

Thanks christine, I'm not gonna let her comments get me down. And trust me i know this surgery and the after math isn't going to be eazy , it's taken me over a year and a half of research and prayer to get the couarge to make it this far. That was her comment not mine. I know this is probably going to be one of the hardest and best things i've ever done. i have so much respect for all of you who have had the courage and the will power to do this, i hope i'll be as strong. (oh and i hope i'm as skinny and as cute as you) DAWN

Dawn, if this person is not supportative, then she is not a true friend. Sometimes people do things for their own reasons, for example, she probably is leaning on you rather than her having to lend support to you. If she doesnt come around, then it is better to let her go her own way and you go ahead with your plans. People have funny ideas. My husband said yesterday that he thought my expectations were too high. He just does not believe that the weight will come off. But, I know that it will, a friend of mine, who had the surgery, very sedentary, and not very disciplined has lost about 100 pounds since the surgery! So, with motivation, walking a lot (something necessary in Hong Kong) I should be in good shape in within a year to 18 months........ Just picture yourself as a gorgeous curvy woman with a lot of energy and a great life ahead!!!! Think Positive!!!!!! Cheryl

Thanks Cheryl, i have a feeling she'll come around in a day or two, after she's had a chance to think long and hard about what she said. We've been friends for along time and she can be a bit headstrong at times and doesn't think before she speeks!! I know she loves me and in the long run she'll be happy for me, and maybe even a little jelious! I bet it is hard for you in Hong Kong being heavier than most of those tiny asian people. My husband is Thai,well 1/2 his mom is Thai and dad is white. His mom used to stay on my case about being overweight she was so tiny when we got married 14 yrs ago, now she's as heavy as i am she don't say anything now!!( just thought i'ld throw that in for fun!) DAWN

Yep, it was tough when I came here to Hong Kong. People would make comments in Chinese, even two women followed me around the grocery store, my husband translated what they were saying. I told him to ask them if they made as much money as I make. That shut them up fast! When we are in Shanghai, they almost stick their heads into my basket at the grocery. I just ask them if they like what I am buying and would they like to buy it also.... Ha ha, they run away soooo embarrassed. Funny thing is that it was full of nice Chinese foods, not sweets! But it is aggrevating to try to fit into a tiny bus seat, or the seatbelt on the plane is too small. I wear a 1X and even when I got down to an 18 (200 lbs) still the belts were too small. I just flew without a seatbelt when the attendant just laughed and said that they didnt have any extension belts! But I did tell her off for being so rude. I don't hold back either, my husband sometimes is very embarassed but just turns his head when I fight back! But there are many other foreigners with my problem, and to my delight now Chinese are getting fat!!!! Just like your Mother in Law!!!! No wonder, they eat tons of snacks, go to fast food places and now with no exercise are piling on the pounds. They dont realize that anyone can get fat easily..... The doctors I used to have until I found Dr. Chloe Chan used to ask every time, do you eat a lot of cakes???? I will admit that I like sweets but don't eat stuff all the time, never drink cokes and stuff like that and eat lots and lots of green veggies, however, I know that when I come back to the US, I could balloon up 40 pounds or more very quickly! The food is much more dense, and fattening than in Asia. Of course here the chinese eat like horses, but now it is beginning to show on them too.... Here if you are not a young very athletic fit teacher, you dont stand much of a chance getting a teaching job. Fortunately, I am certified in a number of different subjects, most schools in US would Kill to get someone as qualified, but here they discriminate against persons who are overweight, American, and some other things. I am always amazed at how they operate and you have to be very tough to survive them!!!! I am looking forward to going back to teaching when I come back home. I loved my job and the staff that I worked with. All were terrific, and I have plans to open an Art Studio and maybe give painting lessons for Adults on the side. My husband says that when he retires, he is going to start cooking more, and he is a great cook (Chinese food) I told him he would have to if I am teaching!!! LOL! I am surprised that your mother in Law doesnt consider this surgery also. She probably will after she sees how well you are gonna do !!!!!

Well, it just sounds to me like she reacted out of fear....scared for her friend to go thru this "extremely dangerous" (easy ) way to lose weight....Both my brothers were skeptical, but supportative. Now they just cannot believe that it truly works! Oh, and one brother freaked out when he found out I could not eat cake or pies!!!! EVER!!! (or at least I don't intend to find out if I can!!!) If she is seriously interested then talked to her about it. But if she continues to act like YOU are the idiot, then I'd not bring it up to her again. Remember, YOU ARE EDUCATED IN THIS AND SHE IS NOT....She is reacting out of fear and ignorance....Hopefully, she will get over it and see how well you are doing after the surgery. ALL my family agrees that this is the best thing I've ever done for myself - the key here is MYSELF!!! Girl, people can get crazy on you! Just hang in there and vent away!!!! Almost EVERYBODY has one friend, relative, spouse, or whatever that went ballastic when they heard the news!! Smoochies Arlies