I'm Back !!! Tired, But Back...

Hey Everyone, Sorry I haven't been around too much lately. My MIL (Granny) has been sick. She is 79 years old and has a lot of health issues. And she also requires a lot of love and attention when she is sick or its the holidays. Her hubby (Papaw) died about 3-4 years ago, after 51 years of marriage. Needless to say they were each others life. After Papaws death Granny became very needy. And usually only her daughter (Sister) can "do anything". Well, Sister lives in KY. And she left going back home Sunday. So that didn't help out one bit, if you know what I mean. Well, everyone loves Granny. And I do mean everyone. She is the best. And so was Papaw. So when she needs us, our lives stop. She gets what she needs first. And we do it with a big smile, because she does it and more for us. Its kinda like a treat that she actually needs us to do something for her. Now, for those who may not have known this. I am a sex therapist. Thats right. You heard it here first if you didn't already know it. Well, this has been one very challenging week already. There is a couple who is wanting to have at least one baby in their lives. And they need help in a big way. They have been together for about a year, and neither of them has ever had sex. Of course, she puts "it out there" and runs off after 2 minutes. And he just isn't really sure what to do "with it". And this puts me in a very bad spot. Because it makes it a "hands on job". You have to try and get her in the right position and literally hold her there. And then get him up in the right position while still holding her and coax them into it. I finally can say that I know that they have "done it", but I'm not really sure if he "did it" to make a baby. Anyways if it was a success, we will know in a couple of months for sure. Gracie and Barkley will have a litter of tiny little Pomeranians. They may be white like their momma, or chocolate like their daddy. Or who knows, we may have a parti-colored or two. Now all of you bad, nasty thinking, crazy people get your dirty little minds out of the gutter !!! What did you think I was talking about ??? Helping out two humans ??? GROSS !!! ATTENTION ANGIE !!! If anyone and I mean anyone tells you ever that I don't love you or even like you. You best be slapping the fire out their ash. Because I've just spent 3 days trying to help 2 dogs have sex for you and Austin to have a puppy. How many of your other friends can say they would do anything for you ? ATTENTION CHRISTINE !!! If you didn't get a good laugh out of this one..... Girl we are gonna need to talk. Tammy

Dear Sex Therapist: I have some questions about your career choice. Where did you go to college to learn the correct techniques to help your patients out? Do you also counsel them on foreplay and snuggling or are you only interested in helping them do the deed? How does this work out with all your other personalities? Do you have hidden camera to blackmail them later? Are you sure this couple have been united in Holy matrominy? Or are you a proponent of premartial sex? Do they advertise you to their friends, sort of word of mouth - or should we say sniff of bu!!? Inquiring minds,...... Smoochies Arlies

Dear Miss Concerned, This was not my first career choice. But, I somehow another got thrown into it. Techniques were given to me by a Pro at the local Kennel. She was very helpful with all the "de-tailed" info on how she has helped such couples in the past. Foreplay wasn't even a concern. After all the ankle humping he did to her, I figured she was way past the "gotta get in the mood" stage. As far as the snuggling would go. I would have to say that after 3 days of having her rump tossed up in the air with his nose, she didn't require or want any extra snuggling or rubbing. Sybil was a very big help in this matter. She was the "hands on" person. And overall I would say that she worked quite well with Johnny. Tinks however was totally upset that it wasn't "all about her". The rest were in bed sleeping while all of this was going on. No, there was no picture taking or video making. Its burnned in my memory, which is bad enough. Yes, they were married when he was 4 weeks old and about dead. It was a lovely wedding. And it was even more special thinking that he was on his death bed. But, after his honeymoon to Dr. Newell's house for a week and then a month of special care at home. He was a strong little boy. So, Gracie decided to stay married to him. No Sex before marrige in my house. Just because she is a b*t*h , doesn't give her the right to be a Ho also. No, I only work with them and they know it. I'm a "private" Sex Therapist. And when my 125 lbs Rottie Logan comes in heat.... My little 3-5 lbs Pom Barkley, is going to be Chit out of luck. Because I'm not touching that one with a 10' foot pole. He is already married & I don't want to see him being dragged through the yard backwards with no feet on the ground!!!

I love you, Tammy in Mississippi, Tams, Tinks, Sybil, etc. Smooch Arlies

I love you too !!! More than you could ever know. Tammy

Tee Hee Hee --- Hahahahahaha

I was about to have some good ol questions for you. I sure got a good laugh out of that one. Hope your granny gets better real soon. Becky

Hey Becky, Granny is better !!! Thank God. Thank you for your concern. And if you want to ask questions still, you can. If I don't know the answers I'll at least make up one for you. It was funny sounding though huh? As long as everybody got a good laugh, I'm happy & my job for the day is done.

WHen I first read your post I was thinking "Hmm.... I need a session with Tammy Sue".... Then I kept reading... I think I busted a gut! You are CRAZY! Pomeranians are beautiful. But yackity yack yack. Loud lil things! Im so sorry to hear about Granny. Its probably alot going on for her with her daughter leaving and the holidays. Maybe she just needs lots of rest and tender loving care which seems like she is getting lots of. Dont stray away for too long. I get to missing laughing and get down in the dumps. I am refreshed now so THANKS! Christine 275/266/207/160 47 to MY goal (160) 32 to Docs goal (175)

That is a good way to start the day..reading something that funny. Well, I hope that it worked the first time for them, I would hate for you to have to repeat that again. And here I thought it was a natural male instinct to know just what to do in a situation like that. Keep the laughs coming, it is good for us! Rhonda