How Do You Deal With Famiily

My mom does not want me to have this surgery. She brings up all kinds of points that scare me, like I will miss food, she knows someone that gained it all back, and Ill die, its so risky, etc etc. I have/ continue to research and I still remain confidet in my decision to have surgery, but once in a while it gets to me and I have a twinge of doubt (like tonight- IM feeling down about it all). Has anyone been through this with their family and how did you deal?

I know my parents well when it comes to something like this. I didn't tell them anything until I was fully approved, scheduled and had amassed a huge amount of information that I could provide them with. My father is the sort that will want every bit of information before he'll be all right with something. Heck, a certain sister-in-law on this board (the EC from MO) knew two months before my parents did for those reasons. The answer to a lot of negative feelings from family is that they're worried. This is major surgery and shouldn't be done lightly. Bad things can happen (trust me on that one, I hit a jackpot of rare complications). Things can fail. They may have seen you struggle through diet after diet or fad after fad and seen you get depressed when things didn't work. The best you can do is pass along the information that has made you confident about what you're doing and explain WHY you feel you need to do this. In my case, I knew I'd be dead in a couple of years if I stayed at a quarter ton. If nothing else, I knew I didn't have a life...I just existed. I wanted to be live and be alive. Take care, Eric C.

Robin, I agree with EC. Your family loves you and it is a scarry thing. They don't understand, nor could they, because they haven't walked in your shoes. Having the surgery is a difficult decision to make. In the beginning, I didn't tell hardly anyone because I didn't want to hear the negativity and the "You're gonna die" or "You're gonna lose your weight and gain it all back". I made my decision, felt good about it and moved forward. As I lost weight and people were asking me how, I came at a crossroads and I started to tell people. I felt disingenuous telling people I was eating healthy and exercising. That was true, however, not entirely the truth. I was proud of my decision and I knew I wanted to share it. I also proved to myself and others that this was working and the right decision for me. I didn't care what others thought as it gave me my life back. I commend you for making the decision and the courage to endure their skepticism. As an example about not knowing how you feel.....I had a close friend that I did tell. She gave me HUGE grief about having the surgery. Well, 13 months after I had my surgery and did extremely well, guess what... she had the surgery herself. It is a scarry thing for people that love and care about you. The concerns she raises to you are all true. Get a good surgeon to minimize the risks, start from Day 1 post-op replacing old morbidly obese habits with good, healthy ones, replace your relationship with food for deeper relationships with family and friends. There are adjustments that occur in the process but in the end you get the true you back. You will truly start living. One of the many great things about this Board and OH is that we understand. As wonderful as my husband is and supportive, he didn't go through the surgery and can't understand completely like someone that has went through the experience. We are here for you. We understand so post with us and let us be there for you! Just know their concerns are because they love you. Cathy ObesityHelp Support Group Specialist

My mother was admanantly opposed to my surgery. The only two people she knew who had the surgery gained it back. But I took her to an informational meeting hosted by my surgeon. The dangers of obesity he talked about really opened her eyes, and she was able to get all her questions answered. After that, she still was uncertain, but was not so vocal about her opposition. I know she was just scared for me. She looks at me today -- down 150 pounds and weighing 145 and wearing a size 8 instead of a Size 26 -- and she wonders why she ever doubted it! I just have to shake my head. I hope they'll come around, and ((((((hugs)))))) to you during your research process. You'll get to the point when you know YOU'RE ready and then it won't really matter what anyone else thinks. Joni