Couldn't sleep last night

Well I couldn't sleep last night and I had a project that had been in the back of my mind for a very loooong time so I got it done. I have been wanting to get out all my old pictures and set them up in an album to show the progression of my weight all my life. I pulled out some good ones (At least one from each year nearly) and put them together and wrote about what I had felt like back then. Did I feel good or like myself did I feel fatter than the other girls? That kind of thing. I wanted to see if my body image matched my body and when did I last feel good. And I wanted to see when the weight began to creep on to me. It was reeally good for me. I'm still trying to find what healthy looks like for me. Not sure if I've seen it yet. I've for the most part liked myself. I learned to feel comfortable in my skin and at the same time not like being fat but not wanting to do the work to do anything about it. There is still a part of me that feels that way now and surgery is Monday! I have to be able to push that part aside and make me do what I need to change. It was a great project. And at least it was more constructive than watching TV all night. I'm scared I won't be able to change who I am. Will I sit and vegetate and make myself really unhealthy? I don't want to be that person. I want to be the go go go girl. I want a reason to get up in the morning. Actually I want the reasons that I have to get up in the morning to become real reasons for me. Why didn't I see myself blowing up as a kid? How could I have stopped it? I better learn quick because I can see the cycle beginning in my daughter. She shouldn't have to go through that. This was a good thing for me to do. I'm taking it to my psychologist today for my appointment. behavioral changes are great but now I need to figure out how to heal whatever it was that began this thing so it doesn't come back in another form. Thanks for letting me yak. (I do that extremely well. )

Jennifer, I understand your anxiety. I also appreciate your concern and forethought even before you have surgery. The surgery is wonderful and certainly changes our plumbing, however, the real work and success are in the behavioral health changes we make to create new habits and a healthy lifestyle. You're already planning and setting goals, along with addressing possible issues. Try not to get too ahead of yourself until you have your surgery. You'll be prepared and supported to deal with whatever comes up for you. You're going to do great!! Cathy ObesityHelp Support Group Specialist