I've lost my way.... I don't know what to do anymore

I'm in a horrible dilemma. Right now I'm on disability with just Medicare. It's sure not like I get a bunch of money and I really want to go back to work, but my weight problem really has me screwed up. Some of you might remember me because I've posted on here from time to time, but I've never been this close to the end of my rope. I'm alone and I don't know how I can make it through surgery by myself. I recently realized how puney I was when I got really sick with just the flu. What the hell and I going to do? Plus, here in Missouri (south of St. Louis) it's not like the doctors are that willing to be helpful in the slightest. I started to work with the guys at Columbia, but that's just too far and way too expensive for me to do. I'm 47 years old and for the first time in my life I can honestly tell you I'm scared about my future. At one time I thought I had everything ready to go for surgery, but then some things happened to change my mind. Sorry for babbling, I'm just a bit freaked out right now. I'm hurting mentally and physically and I don't see any relief in sight.

Jeff medicare will pay for your surgery since you are on disabilty and so yound. I am on ssd as well. I had private insurance and medicare and they covered my surgery. You just need to find the right doctor. I had my surgery in Batesville Arkansas. I lived in West Plains Missouri at the time and Batesville is 100 miles away. It was not easy but I managed. You need to go to a support group to make new friends who can helpl you. I live pretty far from you as I am in Branson, but you can email me anytime. Many people have come through surgery alone. It can be done and you are strong enough to do it. I had surgery even though my cardiologist told me I probably would die on the operating table. I had surgery anyway and did fine. Finding a local support group really will help you. I know there are some around St Louis. Having surgery and losing your weight is your only hope for the future. Do anything you have to do to get your surgery. Find a surgeon you trust and like since as my surgeon says you are his patien for life. I dont know all the docs around St Louis who do surgery but surely you can find one good one, as I know there are several doing surgeries there. Barnes-Jewish is a great hospital and I know they do surgery as I thought of havng my surgery there. You can line up 2 or 3 docs too thats what I did. I had a back up plan. At frst I was going to have surgery in Sedalia but I had made an appointment with the doc in Batesville too. Sedailia feel through so I had surgery in Batesville. They were great there. Plan ahead and you will be fine.

Know that you are not alone, Jeff. All of us when we went into surgery went in alone. No one was in there with us except our surgeon, the surgical team and the Lord. Our spouses, kids, friends could not go in there with us. We had to face it alone. Some of us had people waiting for us when we got out and people to stay the night, but we faced it alone in the final analysis. You can do this. It makes a big difference if you are positive in your outlook. I weighed 391 going in and I way right at 243 now. I have lost 148 lbs. It does not seem possible. I would like to lose more but this is awesome. And even though it has been almost 18 months, I am still losing about a lb a month. That's not a large amount but it is OK for now. I feel so much better. I can walk more than a few yards, I can go shopping, I can go up and down stairs, I can walk into a room and not be the largest person in there, I can blend into a crowd better. People don't recognize me. Just the other day in Aldi's, I said hello to the grandma of one of my daughter's friends. She politely said hello and went her way. I figured her mind was on her shopping or something. Later, I saw her again and asked about her granddaughter. When I said something about my daughter. She said, "Oh, now I know who you are. You have lost so much weight I didn't know you." That is such a great feeling. But, I don't really feel like I've changed all that much. I mean I'm still me, others just see me differently. This can and will happen to you, Jeff. All of us are rooting for you. I had my surgery at St. Alexis Hospital in St. Louis through New Start. I had to go there because of my size. I had to have an open RNY. The program in Columbia was just starting but they did not do the open surgery. New Start has support groups that meet at certain times. You can call and find out when they are. Their number is 800-245-1431. I know there are other places in SL to get surgery but this is a place to start unless you already have your surgeon lined up. If so, ask them about their support groups. Every surgeon that does this surgery has them, especially the informational groups that explain the surgery. I went to a bunch of them before I had surgery. I went to Sedalia, KC, SL and Columbia. I felt like I knew all about the surgery but I still had new questions at each group I went to. Even though they tell you to bring someone with you, I only did that two times. One time a friend went with me. Another time my sister went with me. Both times they acted bored and wanted to leave. I think it was because they are both about the size I am now and while this is still overweight, they didn't feel they needed the surgery and it made them uncomfortable to be with all of us heavyweights. After that, I just went on my own. After all, I was the one who had to make the decision. I had tried so many different ways to loose weight and most of them had failed that my husband was not interested in hearing about this one. He spent the night only because I insisted. As soon as his stint was over, he left and I came out alive, he left. I'm not saying he was unsupportive, but he was only as supportive as I insisted he be. This may be more difficult to handle that not having anyone there! Stock up supplies before you go to surgery. Get everything you'll need for a week or so. You will need someone to drive you home. Perhaps there will be someone you meet at the information group who can help or one of the SL people on here who can do this for you. I had an angel who supported me and was from SL. She has now moved to OK, but someone will come forth to assist you. Be encouraged. Teresa

Jeff sweetie, This board is just the place to babble and tell us exactally how you feel, we have all done it. Another thing you could try is there are agencies out there that can come and help you after the surgery. I think since you are on medicare you can have that benefit for free. Call the social services and check that out. Also, do you go to church anywhere? Even if you don't I know that if you call one and ask for help they will help you. I am catholic and there is an agency called catholic charities look in your phonebook and find them they will help you. I agree with the other posters find a support group!!! I know that they will help. I know things might look bleak right now but things will look better just know that we are all here to support you and will help you in anyway we can. Take all of this advice and do it, you need this surgery to live and live with a quality of life. You can do it. For me when I got uneasy I would just pray for peace in my heart and things looked brighter for me. There is a verse in the bible that I love. "I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me!" Phillipians 4:13 God bless you and think positive, Penni

Jeff it is normal to feel scared and at the end of your rope. The first thing you need to do is get into a support group, go to "local resources" tab at the top of this page and click on Missouri look at the upcoming events calendar and you will see the calendar for DePaul Health Center in Bridgeton, here is the contact info: Contact Phone 314-344-6844, Contact Person Kathy, Contact Email [email protected]. Also Dr Eagon and Dr Halprin at Barnes Jewish Hospital take Medicare contact the weight loss center at 314-286-2080. You can do this. After your surgery the hospital can and will set up home health care and Medicare will pay for it. Remember we are always here to talk to. Sometimes when you get to the end of your rope you need to tie a knot and hang on, things always get better. Email me if you have any questions. Wayne

Jee: Hi this is Betty Myers, I'm close to you living in Imperial. Please know that everyone goes through the I'm scared, and maybe I shouldn't think about doing this surgery...But I tell you the truth.I am 20 months out and if I had to do it all over again, I would do it in a heart beat. I have strugled my whole life with weight issues. I am the only one in my family who is obese. I had 4 brothers and the were and still are pencil thin. I had the OPEN RNY on 5/25/04 and to date have lost 135 pounds...It really wasn't that bad of a surgery. But I am a real go getter....I didn't even have to take any pain medicine once I was discharged from the hospital. My doctor was Van Wagner and works out of St. Alexius Hospital. He is a very good surgeon. The consultation time he spends with you is wonderful and he explains all the steps thoroughly. I even emailed after that appointment with a list of questions and his office manager sent me back a detailed list of answers. It was a great experience. I can't or won't force anyone to make the decision to do this I can only tell you how this surgery has totally changed my life. I have a wonderful job where people respect me. I have more energy than I know what to do with and my health issues are nearly all gone. The only medicine I take other than my vitamins every day is a thyroid medicine which is for a problem not realted to my obesity. I was on 4 different blood pressure medicines before my surgery and don't have to take any of that any more. It is wonderful. Use this board and let us know how we can encourage you. We are all here for you. Betty Myers

Breathe,...take a deep breath. I am so sorry your having these feelings, but first lets get the ducks in a row. First off, if I'm not mistaken and I am sure someone will tell me if I am. You can get someone to drive you to and from your appointments to where ever you need to go. I took the van to KC from here in Sedalia last Oct. for my stress test at St. Lukes. So, I am sure if you plan and set things up you can get there and back with out any out of pocket money,... I know you call the Oats bus people they can tell you who you need to call for rides,..I am thinking Medicaid was in on that too, but I'm not sure off the top of my head. Now for your post op care, I do believe you would or should get help from the health department. They would come and see that you have what you need every day or so, and I do think you could get help with your house work and all through the same program. Your reg. Dr should be able to set you up for the help you need at home post op. I hope that you look into these options and you find something that will work for you. Good luck and may the good Lord smile upon you face. Marylin