In need of encouragement, please (looong)...

I've posted on here a few times, but mostly just hang around. I know I can count on y'all for some support though. I just found out on Thursday that I've been approved for RNY gastric bypass (Medicare/Medicaid). Which I'm thrilled about. I'm scheduled to go to the pre-op class through Dr. Rhamshaw's office (he's in w/Dr. Scott) on the 31st. But I'm not so sure I can (should) go through with the surgery. Some background. I have had my younger sisters with me for the past 5-6 years (they're 20 & 15 yo). Recently the older one has been dealing me a fit, not wanting to follow our rules, etc. So I gave her an ultimatum--move into a trailer in the yard or get out. So she left and I hadn't heard from her in days. She came and got her stuff today. I feel like my heart has been torn out and stomped on. I've been crying for what seems like days. I'm having such a hard time dealing with her not being here and how she's been treating me. Our finances are not in good shape. We're suppose to get out of our house in a couple of months and have no idea where we're going. And we live 150 miles from any of our family, so when I do have the surgery my husband will have to take off of work to help take care of me. (Can't count on my sis). And of course it won't be a paid leave. Not to mention I live 200+ miles from Columbia and will have to stay there for at least a week after the surgery in order to go to the one-week post-op visit. I have a history of binging, which I haven't done since August. But lately I Just want to eat and eat and eat. It's getting harder and harder to keep from binging. I've been eating more sweets and I've had (my weakness) Diet Pepsi. The dr. gave me a list of things to do before surgery, but I am struggling with everything on there. I know this will not be an easy life after surgery. I know these things have to be lifestyle changes forever. I know all these things, so what is my problem??? I'm so afraid that having these feelings and acting on them somewhat will keep me from having surgery. I just want to give up, say forget it and be fat and miserable. It's so much easier. I thought that I'd be able to get my life in order before the surgery. I've been in therapy and have been researching, basically doing everything I'm supposed to do. But I just don't know how much more I can handle or how much more I can give. One of my old aqcaintances used to tell me that my problems don't amount to a hill of beans. I know in the stream of things they don't, but I am struggling with my "less than a hill of beans". I don't want pity or to be put down, I just need understanding. Please, if you have any insight, advice, or just want to give me a kick in the butt...please help me out. Or if you have any ideas about getting some extra money or know of a cheap motel in Columbia to stay after surgery...I greatly appreciate it. Also does anyone know when the next New Beginnings Support Group will meet. I could really use the support. Thank you soooo much!

For starters I would like to say welcome to the board Nettie. I had surgery with Dr. Scott in Columbia on Nov.1st. It would seem to me, that with all you have going on in your life now, having surgery and losing weight could help you alot in the long run. I will admit I had a few hard weeks in the begining, but I am so glad I had the surgery. I am able to get around better and I finally feel as if I have a life to look forward to. As far a staying in a hotel in Columbia after the surgery I didn't. Just rode home the day I was released. There are many hotels there that are not real high priced if you want to stay! Good luck to you and you are in good hands with Dr. Scott and his team! Marla 335/287/138

There is alot on your plate... one thing at a time sweetie... First of all.. you are doing the right thing by being in therapy. It does seem that you have some pretty steep food issues to deal with and ones that HAVE to be dealt with regardless of whether you have this surgery or not. That is a given. Secondly. You are responsible for YOUR own actions. Being the parent of 4 young adults I could literally write a book on having issues and in fact I am still dealing with one of our brood that is growing into young adulthood kicking,screaming and NOT having the easiest of times. It is aging me something fierce. You are responsible for yourself. You do the best you can with what you have to work with. You love unconditionally and you are there for support in an acceptable way and fashion. But you cannot and should not live this childs life. She chooses to do what she wants and she will pay the consequences for bad choices. That is not something that you can do for her nor should you. It is harder to do this...trust me.. I am having to deal with these same issues in our situation. As for the problems you are facing.. pardon me being blunt here but BULL**** I hate it when someone trivializes what another is going through. It is relevant to the person experiencing it. If it hurts you. If it causes you pain and angui**** IS important to you. As for your money situation. Been there done that. My DH had 2 days off .. that was it. I had surgery on Thursday and was home on Saturday. He was back at work on Monday. It IS doable. You don't have to stay near the hospital for the week after surgery... it would be much cheaper for you to have someone drive you up there vs. staying there for week. Honey it sounds like you are having a crisis right now... too many things are piling up on you where you can't see clearly to think things through. IT IS DOABLE. Might not be easy but it can be done. Let your sis go.. don't stop loving her but don't enable her any longer. She knows you love her and she knows what is right and what isn't. Work on your food issues and make progress. YOU DESERVE THIS.. You don't have to have your husband off for a week after surgery. You DON'T need your family ... I didn't and was fine and there are many other folks that are/where in the same boat. Take a deep breath and believe in yourself ..... we women are pretty darn resourceful aren't we? You HAVE to be with raising your two sisters... just stand in front of that mirror and take a long hard look at the reflection staring back at you. That reflection is one of a pretty tough cookie I'll wager... she isn't a quitter is she??? ((hugs)) Elizabeth~

Nettie I live fairly close to you and I wanted to let you know that going home when discharged is do-able!! Like Elizabeth said in her post it will end up costing you more to stay in the motel. We had to stop every hour and I had to get out and walk a bit...surgeon's orders...to prevent blood clots....our 4 hour trip turned into a 6 hour one....but I made it. I stayed home alone and like Elizabeth said in her post...my husband had to return to work as well. New beginning support goup meets next on January 9th at the St. Johns surgery center...by the elevator is a note as to which room. I am unable to come this time but, I"m sure I'll meet you in the future. The group meets every 2nd Monday monthly from 5:30 until 7:00. It is really a great group! I know you have a lot on your plate right now but, I just wanted to wish you good luck with your WLS journey. Please email me if you need anything. Kelli

If you have approval for surgery you need to go for it . I know several people who waited and regretted waiting. One freind waited too long and the insurance changed and she was denied. It will be hard but is doable like the others say. Come to support group meeting on the 9 of janurary. My wife and I plan on going. We both have had wls. It will help to see other post and pre op people. Other people have dealt with similar problems and succeeded. My wife didnt miss any work I took care of myself. I had surgery on Monday Oct1 and was released on Wednesday Oct 3 and rode 100 miles home. You may have to make several stops but you can do it. Sometimes in life you just have to go for it and you will be so much better in the long run. I am much healthier and so is my wife. We look forward to seeing you at the support group meeting next Monday David and Dorthy Wilson

Hi Nettie...First off here's a big (((hug))). I know how hard it can be to deal with all the hard stuff life throws at us...ugh ... I feel like I could write a book. we all go through trying times at one time or another. Unfortunatly it seems they all happens at once!!! Do what is best for YOU....then all will fall into place with everything else. If you know surgery is what is best for you then go for it.... if you put it off you could lose your chance with coverage you never know how things can change that way. ...I put WLS off to deal with family issues ended up losing my coverage because of a job change & ended up having to finance it myself. Not only that but unforetuneatly the other issues never totally go away they just change but there is always something....ugh!! We all worry about falling into our old habits....that is very normal.. if you didn't then that is the time to worry... As for the pepsi ....It's been 1 1/2 yrs and I have survived I was a huge diet pepsi freak!!!! Take it one day at a time post op... get up & walk and follow the dr's instructions. Recovery time goes pretty quick..we're a bit slower for a time but really the time goes quick! Explain your situation to the dr, most will be flexible with your post op visit & care to accommadate what is best for you...they know that you will feel & heal better under less stress. Hope all goes well for you...... ~Cindy~

I want to wish you all the best with everything that your going through. I know it is really hard on you. I do have some ideas that you can look into and see if it can help you. First off, you might check with your local family service office and see if you don't quilify for some extra help with your house hold and if someone can come and help take care of you while your recooping. Just a thought! I am on disablity and if it wasn't for my fiance and kids helping me I would be able to get help. The other thought is if you go to church somewhere if there wasn't someone there that wouldn't be glad to help you. The pastor would be where I would start there. You might try the department of aging too. I'm not sure what your age is or their requirments are. I hope that this would give you some thing to think about and there may be something that is out there to help you with everything. I have to go to Omaha for my surgery and I have to be there the day before surgery, so I am going to stay in a motel or rent a room from someone. I haven't decided which yet,...but I sent an email to Omaha and asked for hotels, motels and rooms and they sent me a map and a paper with nothing but places to live, houses to rent and all it's called a new comers list and it has everything I need in it. I know Columbia has a Chamber of Commerce and they would be glad to help you. I would say because it's a college town you could find rooms to rent really easy. If that is what you think you need to do. Good luck with everything and I do hope this helps you. I wish you all the best and God Bless. Marylin99

Nettie, I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. I think that each one of us has our own horrible story of what we have endured in both our personal lives and our quest for wls. For me personally, I have been a thorn in the side of OH members across the continent in my quest for surgery.....oh, if I only had someone willing to finance my surgery! There are many good people out there who would give anything to just have the opportunity to have the surgery. Now, that said....and this will probably get me crucified on this site...but surgery will not and cannot fix your life. Only you know if the time is right to proceed with this. Some professionals would say that making a huge life altering decision in the midst of such personal turmoil might not be a good thing. However, this is what I believe to be true for me.....before I can ever expect others to love and respect me, I must love and respect myself. If one of my children, my husband or a dear friend needed something for themself that could potentially improve every aspect of their life, there is nothing that would stop me from trying to get that for them. No matter what temporary physical pain or discomfort, no matter what financial cost or emotional toll, I would commit, with resolve to obtain that thing for them. Oh, if we only could find this level of love for ourselves! Sweetie, start with YOU, show others in your life what self love is. Show them (by example) what strength, courage, and committment are. Be a living lesson to them of what they can acheive if only they love themselves. I belive that only when we love ourselves can we begin to love others or ask them to love us. Maybe loving yourself first means NOT having this surgery now. Maybe it means (possibly for the first time in your life) putting yourself first and having the surgery before governor Blunt gets wind of it and cuts it, too :0) ! Take YOUR life into YOUR hands and take command of your life. Don't allow yourself to be victimized or hurt by others anymore! When they see the light of love and courage from within you, they will WANT to be close to you and to have what you have. I'm not sure what happens to a lot of us in our lives but it seems a lot of us big folks find ourselves in roles (repeatedly) where we do a lot of giving and a lot of grieving.....and it's time we interrupt the course we are on. Hang in there, baby! There's a right time for this and a wrong time for this and only you know when you are ready....but no matter how you may be feeling, YOU ARE WORTH IT, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL AND YOU ARE ENTITLED TO A BETTER LIFE AND THE LOVE OF YOURSELF AND OTHERS! No matter what you decide, I am sure that everyone here on OH will be there for you.....lord knows they've been putting up with my silly ass for a couple months now! It's amazing what we are truly capable of when we put our minds to something....all I needed to do was finally get mad, stomp my feet and say, DAMMIT, I DESERVE THIS! Big hugs, honey! Victoria Kelsay

Hi Nettie (love that name!!) This is the first time I have posted here. Dr. Scott is one of my doctors and my surgery is scheduled for January 30th. I think, if you go ahead and attend seminar, you will feel alot better about many of your concerns. Lots of folks there have been through this and will really be able to answer all your questions. Deep in your heart you will know what the right thing is for you. Hang in there baby!!! Shelley

Please don't take this wrong. If you are worried about the doctor being so far away there are dr's in Springfield who do this surgery. You might want to check into one of them. This would save on motel and travel. I was told that St John's in Springfield have rooms for people that travel. When I went in for pre admission I was asked if I wanted to take advantage of the room.Good luck. I didn't check into this as my family traveled back and forth. Good luck Connie