Disappointed in myself...

*sigh* I was so, so positive that I'd have lost 150 pounds by now... on the contrary, I've been stuck at bouncing between 105 & 110 since JANUARY!!! I'm no where near goal, so that's no excuse. I've got 60 pounds to go. Don't get me wrong, I know it's my own fault. I'm not going to be one of the ones that blames it on "water weight", genetics & the like... I know it's because I've so unfortunately discovered that sugar doesn't effect me as negatively as it does most post-ops. Therefore, I don't count my every gram of sugar... which is slowly killing my confidence to lose the rest of this weight. I guess, on the positive side, I've found a WONDERFUL way to a 'lifetime maintenance' plan... I'm just not ready to start that yet. PLEASE... someone grab the 2x4 & gimme a good whack. I'm in need of a huge wakeup call and I'm hoping I can count on you guys for some support. C ~

Can't give you a whack, sweetie, because I fight disappointment everyday. I thought I'd be at least 100 pounds thinner by now, but I'm still in the 15 pounds from 100 zone. I admit I've been off the last two weeks, mostly because my schedule has changed to working the night shift. It's throwing everything off whack. I'm not eating as much during the day because I'm sleeping or too tired to be hungry, then during the night I get a shake in, and almost nothing else, except an extra bottle of water - maybe! Bottom line, I think I'm in starvation mode, because my body went back up to 275 and it has stayed there for the last two weeks!! I'm sitting here downing my third bottle of water in a row, and I've got on the Gazelle today, which I plan on using every morning before going to sleep from now on. That being said, I have to say that I'd rather lose slowly right now. I just don't see any point in losing faster anymore. I've dropped the majority of weight that was causing the problems with my heart, my sleeping, my walking, etc., and I realize that if I was able to lose this weight w/o the surgery, this is where I'd be right now (assuming one would lose 10 pounds a month = 100 pounds in a year). It actually helps me to be concious of my eating, too. I allow myself to taste and test what's good for me and what's not. I still don't go the sugar route (it races my heart), but I am being careful about carbs, which can put them calories on. I'm trying to not focus on the goal so much anymore. I'm enjoying everyday that I can walk up and down steps, across the parking lot, and breathe. Most important, I look at what I'm eating everyday again, and trying to adjust it and my life to what I know I must do to keep losing. Grace 5'7'' 9/20/04 360/275/140(I pray)

Hi Cathy~ Get ahold of yourself and get back on the wagon! You went into this surgery knowing that this was a "lifetime commitment". If you continue to eat sugary foods and high carb foods...you will have had this surgery in vain! You are in control...remember that! Hugs~Candi

Hugz Cathy!! I'm with ya...it's just down right hard to resist things. I too have discovered that I don't dump on sugar. I'll give you good whack if you give me one!! Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in this struggle. Tomorrow is a new day....and the beginning of a new week. I'm gonna try and start fresh and stay on track! If I can do this so can you!!! Kelli

I am right there with ya!!! I don't dump completely from sugar unless I eat alot...so I realize the surgery is not gonna make the decision for me...I have to make the choices...anyone who thinks we took the easy way out has lost their mind. We got a gift...a chance at freedom from the hell of being trapped in a body that we didn't like and didn't feel like we had any control of....life is 99.9% perception...even failures are opportunities to take a good look at where we messed up. Beating you with a stick won't help...just like beating up on yourself won't work...I worked in the "helping" profession for 15 years....one of the things I learned was the punishment does not work...it does not motivate...it does nothing but make a person feel more like crap. I don't know about you but when I feel like crap...I eat....I know that there are situations and behaviors that deserve punishment...but eating sugar for God's sake is not one of them. If you think I'm wrong just look at the criminal justice system....it's a multi billion dollar industry and they just can't build them fast enough...and that's not because they work...it's because they DON'T. So no beating for you or me or anyone else...I'm going to focus on how far I've come..be honest with myself about both my successes and failures and I'm gonna set some goals...life throws us enough obstacles ... I think there is no reason to inflict them on ourselves. If you don't believe you deserve a happy healthy life...I guarantee you won't have one. Keep in touch. Hugs, Eileen

I totally understand your plight as well. I can eat a little sugar, like I ate a small piece of wedding cake but not the icing. So far, I've only eaten small amounts of sugar and I feel that is the key to all of this. Moderation, moderation, moderation. I think we are all so afraid of gaining everything back that we are all or nothing people. I may be going out on a limb here, but at least I'm hoping, a little sugar won't hurt if it is a little. If we ate the whole cake, that would be different. But our "tool" helps with that in that we can't eat the whole thing. if I eat too much sugar then I start getting ill. I dump big time on fats so a low-fat, low-sugar diet is what I'm trying to stay on right now. This may be like an alcoholic taking a drink, I just don't know. But, I'd like to think I can do some things in moderation and not go overboard with it. What do you guys think?

I think you are absolutely right....I provided treatment for addictions for years....this is alittle alike but really it's more different than the same...you can give drugs and alcohol the old heave ho....'break up" with them in a sense....we don't have that option with food...we have to learn to get along. Eileen

Cathy i hear ya . i have been fighting my damn scale since jan .. i had stayed 167 from jan till yesterday .. it finally reads 163 yeah !!!!! But i to hear ya , i have sweets i aint suppose to pop tarts kill me .. but w/ all the kiddos i have i cant just stop buying them .. and my 2 yr old brings them to me mommy open .... and i do and he takes one and leaves the other .I argue w/ myself for a while sometimes i get up and walk away others i eat it .. I think we are all strugglin w/ ya so no hittin here .. just try the nesxt day and dont bang your head everythime you slip . i dont and cant . try to find a healthy s/f snack like protein bars to kill that crave or fruit ..