Eatting Disorder/Food phobia....

Before I start...I would please ask you all to not pass judgement on me please...this is hard enough to do as it is...
All of you know that I have lost alot of weight very quickly and reached my goal at 5 months and am still losing. By doing this alot of you have been concern about me and I do thank you for that....and you were right in doing so. But I do have to come out and be honest with the best support group that I have so here it is....
Thursday I went for my 10 month appt with Dr. H.....we discussed the fact that I have lost alot of weight and the fact that I am having issues with food and have been since surgery. I have tried and tried to come to grips with this problem and have not been able to over come the fact that food is not the enemy anymore..fact is it is my life now. But I just can not bring myself to eat like I should...
I know you all that was at the lunch that we had in Sedalia saw me eat and eat....Im sorry that I had to do that....but I didnt want to go through all the questions and advise that I know I would have gotten....all for the good I know...so I ate and then ended up stopping on the way home and got rid of it....not a good thing I know but its how things have been for me......I still see that fat ugly person and I dont know how to rid myself of that image in my mind....
So Dr H has asked me to see a counsler for eatting disorders/food phobias. He beleives that that is what is going on with me and that I need help. I do agree with that. I would like to gain some weight back, not alot but enough to keep me healthy and not so close to the 100lb mark.
All I can say is that Im Sorry that I have not been honest with you all and that I hope that you can try to understand where I am at with all of this. I had to come on and say this to you all because I felt like fake to all the people that have be concerned about me. Again Im sorry
Love and Hugs
Corrine

Cor,
  I am very proud of you for being so brave and being honest. Thank you so very much. I am so very sorry you have been  going through this by yourself, know that I am keeping you in my thoughts and keeping my finger's crossed for you. I know in my heart you can over come this.
 Truth be known everyone has some kind of fear of food. I myself am way to ****y for my own good and find myself pushing the limit's as far as I can when it comes to food. I know that I shouldn't do this but then I also tell myself I didn't have this surgery to suffer and deny myself for the rest of my life either.
 I to have been trying to gain weight, not much just enough to where I think I look healthy maybe 20 to 30lbs. I look at picture's of me in tank tops and strapless shirt's and honestly I think I look very sick. Who knows maybe we will never truly be happy with ourselves (I hope we are at some point).
 Just please know you are loved and if you need some one to talk to or maybe just vent you can always come to me (my shoulder's ain't that big anymore but they can sure carry a load of stuff).
Keep your chin up Hun.
Love and Hugs

 They say admitting you have a problem is half the battle. The fact you now know you are not eating what you need is a plus. I do not get hungry but I eat  a fair amount of food because I know my body needs it. I have worried a lot about the rebound weight some people get and am terrified I will get fat again but I want to be healthy so I eat. We are all here for you and understand.

Cor im so sorry that you thought you had to hide all of this from us, maybe me a lot , cause you knew i would be preaching to you. I honestly only am concerned with any of you that have this problem.. I know it isnt an easy problem to face and I agree with Dr. H. that you should be seeing a counselor. We all love you to peices and if we have ever come on too hard to you it IS ONLY because we love you and want you to be healthy.... There is a happy medium with food. but it is and will always be something that is a daily struggle with all of us...I have a fear that i will gain my weight back and sometimes dont eat as much as i know i should. but am able to realize that and subtistute  protein shakes when i know i fall way below 1000 cals a day.....
love you and know that we are here for you and that we love you....

Cor you are not alone with this problem it is far more common than most realize. And as said by others the first step to recovery is realizing the problem. There is good help out there and it sounds like you are willing to seek it out. Once again a major step on your part. Overeating is an eating disorder so of course it makes sense we have the opposite problem once we get our surgery.
You are in my prayers that it will be a swift and complete recovery.
Connie B.

Cor,
You will most definitely be in my prayers.  You will be able to get this under control.  I think we all have problems with eating after surgery - it starts out that food does not even taste good and when in front of us - we could care less.  I, on the other hand, 4 years out have to watch that I dont eat a lot of carbs.  I still like food, but cant tolderate it always.  Cant seem to lose anymore, but feel fantastic

when do you start your new job?  I think it is soon. 

Call me anytime and I will come if you need someone.  I mean it.  Have not been to Warrensburg for a while, seems like with all the dr. appts have gone to city.  God Bless, Colette

Cor,
I'd written you a big long post but it didn't go through and basically I said the same as everyone else. We had issues with food when we got fat and those didn't go away when we got thin. You will get through this - getting professional help is so smart of you. Dr. H is the greatest and he'll help you too.
Keep posting - we're here for you and you will certainly be in my prayers.
Hugs,
Lana

Thank you everyones kind words....I truely dont deserve them by any means. But I did want to be honest and up front with all of you.
This is going to be a long hard road for me...I still feel like a huge blimp even though I only wear a size 1....
I start my new job on Sat 31 at 12 noon....that is also going to be a challenge for me too....Im hoping that I can set me a schedual up to work with theres for eatting and vits...
Thanks again for being there for me and keeping me in your prayers...
Hugs...

Yes, you do deserve the kind words.  I have a fear of gaining weight and I wonder if that will always be with me.  I've struggled with my weight for so many years, pretty much since childhood.  I just know I eat too much then I put it in the daily plate and see I'm well within my calorie requirements. 

I hope you can get the help you need to get past this.

Good luck!!

Hi Cor,
I was so glad to come in here this morning and see your post! I am so thankful that so many people are here to support you and for you to know HOW LOVED YOU ARE!   You DO DESERVE IT! Stop thinking you dont!

Cor.....I KNOW, because I have been there-I dont like what I see in the mirror STILL....will I ever? I dont know! I DO KNOW...That YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN! Inside and out and I pray that you will use the counseling/group and all of us-to help you through this!  I know that we dont want people to come down on us-and thats why some of us carry around what you have for so long-Im just so sorry you have been struggling-and Im so sorry that you have felt alone until now-but thats all going to change now-and I am SO PROUD OF YOU! Your a very strong woman, and you CAN and YOU WILL overcome this....Yes, its going to be a long road, but Cor, think of yourself as the coolest drag racing car-and you can take that road.....full throttle....and eventually, be more and more comfortable with how it all works!

I wish you were here so I could give you a big old hug! Please know u can call me, text me, email me, stop in, ANYTHING, ANYTIME....and IM HERE FOR YA!  LOVE YOU!  Take care and good luck at the job!  Love, Janet