some of posts

I am somewhat surprised at some of the posts on here lately. I know you are all nice people but sometimes.......... I just think we need to be kind to people asking questions. People come here for support and they should get it. I am not saying anyone was mean but a little kindness goes a long way.

Kindness is only good when someone deserves it....and I have no problem giving it then....but when someone is going to continue to be ignorant...and continue to ask ignorant questions....well there is your answer.....
I guess im mean then.....

Sometimes kindness is most needed by those that don't seem "deserving of it", none of us on this board has the right to term someone else "ignorant", isn't that why we are all here, to help and support one another? I would sure hate to see this board go the way of so many others, full of mean spiteful, rude people.

I gotta agree with Susy and Susie on this one.  Like I said in a previous post, I'm Misty's angel.  We've talked on the phone quite a bit, and she's emailed me.  Since they were private, I don't feel like I can repeat what was said.

Suffice it to say, Misty has more of a burden on her shoulder than some of us have ever had.  She is a single mom, takes care of her father, and has a 5 yr. old daughter with a severe disability, while trying to get a better education.  Quite a bit on her plate.

Should she have had the surgery?  Was she a good candidate?  Not my call.  But she had it, and needs the help and support this board can give her.

Sometimes tough love is a necessary thing, but rudeness and name calling really doesn't have a place here, does it?

Patty

Susie
I think we all tried being supportive of Misty at first.But when she keeps coming back asking when she can eat chips and pasta after we have told her what can happen then its time for a lil tough love.It is like she is wanting us to tell her it is ok to eat that stuff.And i do not believe any of us is going to give her the go ahead on it. I know she has got to have a book with the guidelines in it. It was given to her for a reason she needs to follow it.
Why would anyone go through all this emotional bull we are going through to just turn around and do as we please?
I offered to talk to her and she refused so we can only reach out so much the rest is up to her.
Love Deb

I can understand that point and its well taken....Maybe using "ignorant" wasnt the right word to use....??? maybe maybe not...
But I do know that this board has done everything they can to help this woman....and now some are saying that we should be NICE, KIND, GIVE SUPPORT what more can you do to help someone that dont want to listen???
I came to this board and listened and listened...and have tried to follow that advice that was given....she just dont want to listen...she wants us to tell her "oh is ok honey...you can have your chips and pasta, today...just start over again tomorrow" Well you can all do that if you would like, but I will not.
Like I said before...Kindness comes to people who deserves it....and beleive me she's not the deserving kind right now in my book!!

Im one of the mean, rude people you were speaking of. Im sorry-we ALL have reasons we had to have the surgery.....ALL OF US...... and excuses are one in a million-how long are we suppose to be kind? generous? understanding?  Would YOU watch someone do something you KNOW could kill them just because oh, my-it may not be worded like sugar and lolli-pops! Come on!  As for all the whoopla about the posts-EVERYONE IS ENTITLED to THEIR OPINION......and I said Mine and others said theirs-you do not have to agree-nor do you have to post to it either-but Im gonna tell you, this surgery is NOT just a "fad" that will pass-you can and will eventually die-if you do not follow the rules-so while you guys want to get angry over us being upset-thats fine-but we did all try-go back through and read the posts-we ALL TRIED... Enough is enough. I personally am done with this subject-if she wants to try and help herself-Im all for helping her-heck, Id even give her my phone number or travel to go see her-Ive angeled almost 20 people! I love helping-but dang it-YOU HAVE TO HELP YOURSELF FIRST! Sorry if that offends any of you-Janet

Sorry to say I have been around a long time and I am a member of the MO board and the DS board.  I have seem many many times the ill manners of many that get fed up with people not listening,...but here's my point if you don't want to help them then just don't.  You don't have call any one names or be rude just keep your fingers off the key board and keep your thoughts to yourself.  Why be hurtful to someone.  I don't understand that, since this board is here for support, and not only surgery support because I come here for support and there isn't one person on this board that could give me advice or help me with my surgery so I get emotional support.  I am getting ready for hernia repair and a TT so there are a few here that could give me advice about that.  I hope that I won't need any, just more emotional support.  I can tell you what will happen and there you all will see there won't be any one here to give any one any advice to, because no one will post,...at all.  It's not far from that now, there are days that no one post anything except Jan and Peggy and of course now Andy,...and I am sorry to say this I have never opened not one of Peggy's or Andy's post and I have never posted on Jan's and I have only read those once or twice.  I don't post here much because I am kinda the out sider, because I can't give anyone here any advice about their surgery and I wouldn't want to say something that I don't know first hand anything about.  Don't get me wrong I know a lot about an RNY because I researched it for months but that was over 3 yrs ago.  I didn't need any of that information so I just lost most of it.  If someone says something I do know what they are talking about but that's about it.  So I know I will get the flaming for this so be it, it needs to be cleared up and do what you know in your heart that is the right thing to do.  It may not be what you want to do but you know that it is the right thing to do and if everyone did the right thing maybe there would be more feeling of we are all in this together, we are not here to judge or make the rules, you are your on person and you know what is right and what is wrong, and if you can't be nice and treat everyone with respect, then just don't say anything.  This is just why I don't post much here, because I am afraid I will be flamed, so I have always just kept my fingers shut, but this is going to far.  Susie wouldn't hurt a fly and that I know for sure and she would give you the shirt off her back,...I know this as a fact because she tried to give it to me.  I drive almost a 100 miles to go to the support group in Osage Beach,...because they except me for me.  I would drive it every day if I needed to because those women and their husbands are the best group of people I have ever met.  So if you ever get the chance to come to one of those meetings besure to come cause it is worth the friendship that you will get there.
So let the fire works fly,...I am ready.
Love Marylin

Dear Marilyn,
Im sorry you feel that you will be flamed for what you feel. Im sorry you dont post more. We cant make you be a more active part of our board family-each person does what they want to do-but if people want it-most are there for them. A lot of people respond by PM.....sometimes when people post-others will respond that way-so doesnt mean because we cant all read it-they arent being listened to.

Now-I do understand what you are saying about not saying anything at all-but Marilyn-and this goes for everybody out there-dont get in and post and ask ?s over and over and over-and then slap the members in the face when they TRY to help you! Sure, I could have skipped the post-but know what? I didnt feel like it-and thats MY perogative. MY choice! I was one who put myself out there and worried about that poor woman, not being knowledgable, not being emotionally ready and so on and so forth....and she came back at us basically telling us she was going to blow out her pouch and so on and so forth. I do NOT want to be one who just sits by and shuts up and watches someone die because my words may offend. Im sorry. I have too, been a member of this board for a very long time-an active, mostly daily poster until the past couple of weeks-and I know a lot of people here personally-my reputation with people speaks for itself-so you dont know me, BUT..... I AM A LOVING, CARING, TRUSTING person, who would also give you the shirt off my back-but even I have my limits and Im sorry you do not know me, to know the type of person I am-I do agree that she may need some additional support-but you should also see and agree that she needs to take responsibility for herself before any of us can do anything for her.

I will not be posting anymore about Misty-I am not flaming you-I pray for everyone on the board-and I DO love everyone.....If I could help misty right this minute-I would. Whether Im angered by her actions or not, I do care-I WANT her to wake up before its too late!

Marilyn-I just want to say too-that your group sounds wonderful-Im glad you have them-we have COF down here in Springfield and I feel the same way about them-this whole board is so wonderful and loving and caring-I have organized the reunion, parties and so on and so forth-I DO accept and love everybody and understand that we ALL have a common ground that brought us to this place-right? It takes all kinds, honey-and all I am saying is that every single person on here is allowed their thoughts, their opinions and their advice....if someone doesnt WANT it-then they should not post asking for it-and if they do post to ask for it-those of us who do respond-shouldnt be flamed for what WE say.......There are no hard feelings on my part-towards anybody, for anything-but I WILL stick up for myself and my friends and our beliefs.......and I will always be frustrated when I think someones choices will lead them to a place where they can never correct the damage they are doing-not just in the WLS world-k?

I do hope and Pray for you and that things are getting easier for you! I hope to come up to the meeting one day and meet all of you!  Love, Janet

Janet I'm sorry you took what I said as personal,..I hadn't even read what you had posted. Your opinion as you say is just that, your opinion.  My opinion is you can have your opinion you just don't have to call someone names or be hateful.  I know you have a great heart and that wasn't what I was saying,..again I'm really sorry you took what I said as personal.  It really wasn't meant to be that way.  As far as me posting I can't offer anyone much info about their surgery and I had no clue you could blow your pouch out as you say,  so I will not try and tell anyone what to eat or do,...that is the doc's job.  I know enough about the RNY to understand what is being said but I haven't lived it I don't know what to tell them.  I can wish them luck and tell them to ask the doctor, but that's about all I can do.  I have enough going on in my own life that I don't need someone being rude to me either.  I by no means am saying you are being rude to me, if I thought that I wouldn't even be saying anything here.  I am trying to get you to understand I am not able to give any advice and don't want to stir someone in the wrong direction.  I can tell you this though if you need someone to hold your hand or sit with you while your in the hospital,..I would be there in a heart beat.  I'm sorry you don't know me and I hope that one day we will meet,...I feel sorry for those on this board that don't fit in because there is nothing for them here, and that is a true shame.  I wish everyone well and am here if anyone wants to just talk about the weather, I don't care what it is.  I love to talk and enjoy talking to anyone about most anything.  So have a great day and please be kind to yourself you deserve it.
Love Marylin