x post thought you all could use a little laugh if your a woman!
THIS JUST HAS TO MAKE YOU LAUGH LADIES I SURE DID OUT LOUD 
For all of you ladies who can really appreciate this...
For all of you ladies who can really appreciate this...
All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
easy, painless removal -
The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the wax.
Read on......
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix
dinner, play with the kids.
I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for
the next few hours:
'Maybe should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet.'
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of
those 'cold wax' kits.
No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in
your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to
your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off..
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?
I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to
figure this o ut. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each
other stuck together.
Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out
the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. ('Cold wax,'
yeah...right!)
I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and
pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do
this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me!
I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth
skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north.
After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for
the ultimate hair fighting championship.
I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right
side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha
and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long
strip)
I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRRRIIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!!
Blinded from pain!!!!....
OH MY GAWD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half
the strip. CRAP!
Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted.
I think I may pass out...must stay conscious...must stay
conscious.
Do I hear crashing drums???
Breathe, breathe............
OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax-covered strip, the one that has
caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.
I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
I hold up the strip!
There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair???
WHERE IS THE WAX???
Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet.
I see the hair.
The hair that should be on the strip...it's not!
I touch.
I am t ouching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is
now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still
propped upon the toilet?
I know I need to do something.
So I put my foot down.
Sealed shut!
My butt is sealed shut.
Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do
and think to myself
'Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!'
What can I do to melt the wax?
Ho****er!!
Ho****er melts wax!!
I'll run the hottes****er I can stand into the bathtub, get in,
immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can
gently
wipe it off, right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub -
The water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners
of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse th an having your nether regions glued
together, is having them glued together and then glued to the
bottom of the tub...in scalding ho****er. Which, by the way, doesn't
melt cold wax.
So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had
cemented myself to the porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a
few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has
some secret of how to get me undone.
It's a very good conversation starter 'So, my butt and hoo-ha are
glued together to the bottom of the tub!'
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for
removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, 'Are we
talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?'
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her.
I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the
side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!!
I should be the joke of someone else's night.
While we go through various solutions. I resort to trying to
scrape the wax off with a razor.
Nothing feels better than to have your girlie goodies covered in
hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super ho****er and
then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike
and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling
for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving
grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point?
I rub some on and OH MY STARS!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my
friend.
It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
'IT WORKS!!
It works !!' I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and sh e
hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to
my grief and despair....
THE HAIR IS STILL THERE........ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing
hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......
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