WHATS HAPPENING FOR THURSDAY

Hello Aunt Jan and OH Peeps~

How is everyone today? Im not sure what I was thinking when I said I didnt want to leave my house for 2 days-HA!~HA! Wishful, Wishful thinking....Mike reminded me last night to meet him at the doctor this morning...Dammit! I really, really, really just wanted to lay in bed-and not move...Really. Does that indicate HOW I am feeling today? Well, I am back home now and Im NOT leaving my property for less than a TRUE EMERGENCY! Must see blood OR have to do with the hospital-those are my requirements for leaving the "Kodiak" today-now....(please hold any comments till Im done-LOL-I am PREPARED to hear them, but want YOU guys to understand where I am coming from, ok?)

The ortho said that to clean up the broken up peices of bone that are pressing against my skin at my knee-that it would require surgery. Well, IF I can handle it-he DID agree that IT IS Better to wait for the total knee replacement. I agree. My "team" of doctors-which are-the ortho surgeon, my pain management doc AND my PCP have already had a pow-wow about me and HOW my surgeries should go-and this was it-the female surgery, the tummy tuck (ONLY before the back and knees because they will be going THROUGH THE TUMMY to do the back surgery and if all that junk is gone-their job will be much, much easier) THEN......The back surgery-After my sweet baby is born. They had it set up for the end of January tenatively-but, Im sorry-I CANNOT be sitting in rehab when that sweet child is born. They agreed to let me wait to have the surgery until Mackenzie gets here-it wont be as bad-I will already have seen her be born and will be able to recover by the time Megan needs a sitter....They said that 6 months after the back surgery, they WILL do BOTH knee replacements- and that with my back being healed and in good shape-it will help with recovering from the knee replacements. They do not feel that doing the knee surgeries first would be to my benefit-because I may not be able to recover or do the rehab and excercising required for the knees-because of my back.

I know-I have heard-HOW can you do this, HOW can you do that? Well, plain and simple-PILLS....LOL No joke-they DO help, HOWEVER-I am NEVER-and I mean NEVER pain free in any given day. The closest I ever came to not feeling pain was when I was just in Arizona for that week. I couldnt believe it. My pain level stayed around 3-4 the whole time-I MAKE myself go. I MAKE myself do stuff. I REFUSE to EVER be bedridden, wheelchair bound OR couch bound- EVER AGAIN...I spent too much of my life on the couch, in a wheelchair, in a cart at the store-in a chair in the kitchen (had wheels) and I NEVER want to feel like the old Janet again. I just COULDNT lug around that 450# frame before. It was too much! Now that I can lug myself around-I just do it. Actually-I feel so much better inside me-that it does have a lot to do with WHY I go and do. Now, dont get me wrong-I DO spend my fair share of time on the couch with my heating pad/ice-and I do get whiney and I DO cry because the pain is so bad-and every great once in awhile-I even think to myself-I will have to die to ever feel pain free-you know? I spend an awful lot of time praying. Now-do I get on a trampoline and bounce around and then say my back hurts? NO WAY-I KNOW I could NEVER! Do I climb ladders? NO-Do I wrestle with the boys or run? NO NO and NO!!!! I cant do a lot of excercising because of my back, because of my knees! When I go to garage sales-I can only do 3-4 and Im done for the day-Im okay with that. When I go to the store-I just go for what Im there for-no extras-IF I spend extra time there-I WILL end up taking a pill. I have determination. I DO WANT me to be okay-BUT...I ALSO know its a process and I cant physically handle all these major surgeries right on top of one another. I am deathly afraid of surgeries-of hospitals! Its hard enough for me to think about all this crap without being in pain! Do I get mad and sometimes pissy? YES, YES, YES! I feel like its a bum wrap-I have worked my rear off to get to where I am today and I have everything else wrong with me now? Have I learned anything? Yes-I KNEW I would have to be in pain for awhile-my whole reason for the WLS was so that I could get my new knees and the orthotics last more than 6 months-they would not be able to handle the weight on them and I would have to have new knees every 6 mos-NO WAY.... PLus-I was so big-they were worried about MRIs and other things they may have to test me for-they would have no way to do some of the tests that they would NEED! My back didnt hurt me at all until AFTER the surgery-like 4-5 months out! My lower back used to always hurt around my period, they tell me that I had soooo much fat padding around the discs-that I just didnt feel it-LOL....So-once the fat was melting-it started hurting....WOW-there is NOTHING in the world to compare to a toothache (exposed nerve kind) OR a pinched nerve type back ache and thats what I have....all the time!!! I am also thankful that I DID have the surgery, because even though I may be in pain every day-I am alive!! I also have done so many things on my list of wants-and wows-I would NEVER trade what I have done and in what order. I WISH I could wave a magic wand and wa-la....I WISH...I sure would, in a heartbeat-but...I deal with what I am given and I TRY to follow all their orders-but I wont stay down, cuz I cant-and I know its more mental than anything-but the docs have a hard time telling me to-when they find out my past. Besides, if I were to lay around on the couch and cry-it wouldnt be good for my soul, OR my body. Getting no form of excercise isnt good for anyone! So-Im off that soapbox for now......Sorry for rambling.

I did get 4 shots in my knee today. For pain. LOL....Not syn visc and I dont HAVE to do it 2 more times or anything like that-BUT...He said I can come in and get some more if this works. So far-its not too bad-Im NOT hurting knee wise right now...But, then again, I wasnt really hurting knee wise yesterday-it was my back basically. Ok-so the bone peices that are in my knee and sticking out and hurting a lot-they are broken pcs from the knee cap. He said that when they do arthroscopy (SP?) that they can get in and clean those up-and do....but, in my case-since they will be doing a total replacement-that IF I can handle it-to go ahead and wait. He did say that it wouldnt make a lot of sense to go in and take them out without doing the total knee-because, its like he said-the main pain factor are not the broken pcs there-its the actual DJD and Arthritis. I have lived with that since I was 4 yrs old guys-so I guess I get used to some level of pain-you know? Ive had a long, long time of pain....LOL....He did say that falling on my knees probably is what is making them worse (uh-huh, I think I could have told you that one!) Stay off your knees-which my sick, sick hubby just smiled like a cat that ate a canary!!!! (sicko-wink wink).... My hubby-would have been nice for him to be able to have his surgery tomorrow and have 4 days to recover-wouldnt have missed but one day of work-which would have been tomorrow-but it wasnt meant to be. He will have surgery next Friday. Thanks for the prayers everyone-we appreciate each and every one of them. I KNOW it sounds like there is so much going on-but really, ever since I have had surgery-and I CAN and DO put myself out there-its just been that way-BUT...I feel like I have a REAL family now-I have REAL friends now-I DO have a LOT of reasons to live-I have a LOT to be THANKFUL for-and I am thankful. I thank the good Lord for EACH and EVERY BLESSING he gives me. With ALL of my trials and tribulations-I STILL THANK GOD FOR MY LIFE!!!! I guess you dont really know unless you have walked a mile in my shoes-but I didnt have a life before surgery. I wouldnt let ANYONE in to get to know me. I didnt leave the house really because I didnt like the stares and I KNEW-that IF I didnt have this surgery before my 40th birthday, that my kids would be burying me. That scared me. So-I guess mentally, I mold myself into NOT giving up-and not because I am trying to "save the world" IM NOT-I PROMISE! I am JUST TRYING to fulfill MY life-and take advantage of what God has given me. Emotionally, I go through a lot-but I do turn an incredible amount over to God and go from there......Even the 13 yrs I spent in the medical field-I was always a giving person-BUT....My weight kept me a prisoner-and kept me miserable. I know some will never understand me-Im okay with that. I just want to take advantage of every single minute I have-and want to bless others-because I was blessed and I am blessed. I dont have a ton of money or a fancy car-or lots of jewels or anything like that-I am plain jane-but, I would give someone the shirt off my back if they needed it worse than me! (but then, ew, mental pic of me running around without a shirt-not a pretty sight-LOL....)

So-there you have it. Its gonna be a process. Im doing it. Its just gonna take some time. Im okay with that. NO ONE will talk me into the back surgery that close to my grandchild being born-so dont try-I cant. Its just that important to me. Thats my baby having her baby and even if she didnt want me in the room with her-which she does-BUT...even if she didnt-I WANT to be there to see that baby when she arrives. I am living for that-I am looking forward to that, it keeps me plucking away-and, to me, its a blessing. We have so much other "stuff" that has gone on around here the past 2 yrs-that I am looking forward to something this happy and spectacular. Besides-God had me go through GBS and I totally understand WHAT she is going through, I CANT not be there for my daughter. I would give my life for my kids-they are everything to me-and I just HAVE to be there!!!! I will finish up my female surgery in Sept AND meet with plastic surgeon in Springfield-and then have my tummy tuck in October sometime-if all works out schedule wise. Then-by the time I have my back surgery-I will be healed from the female AND tummy. They told me that the tummy surgery is going to be as hard-IF not harder than the WLS-and that was MY personal hardest surgery.....I will be ready. So-theres my plan, Stan(s)....Just keep praying for me and my family-and we will get through everything-I know we will. I NEVER doubt that!

Well, let me wrap this up and get some lunch. Tummy is growling. Didnt realize how late it was getting. I am going to watch my favorite today-Rachael Ray-I LOVE her! It feels weird to be home.... Like I am playing hooky or something....(LOL)

**Jan-Maybe I forgot to post it OR I did and YOU missed it-LOL...That baby is beautiful-I have seen ALL your pics in your albums. IF my grandbaby is half as cute as her-she will get whatever she wants from me-LOL...Heck, we all know that even if its so ugly-I will think its the cutest baby ever, who am I kidding? its sure hard to say no when they are that adorable tho, isnt it? LOL....I just cant believe that you have great grandkids-You have to be the "coolest" gram ever!!!! Well, Sug and Sheila too-I just WANT to be as close to my grandkids as all of you are with yours. I really do! I cant wait to do things with them that I was too fat to do when my own kids were little...Well, except for Jon-but I wont miss his school stuff and all of that-I can now fit in those tiny seats they give you in the autotoruim (sp?) Anyway-she reminds me of a true living doll! Makes me sooooo excited!

Well, I can tell you that IF someone is bitter or a backbiter about you and Joe having that beautiful Trike-that they arent REAL friends-because a REAL friend-they would be happy for you....I wouldnt mind having something like that, I have to admit-BUT...Do I feel jelous that you have it and I dont? NOPE-NOT ONE BIT! Its NOT our time yet-and Mike and I WILL have our time-later. You and Joe deserve it-and IF it makes you guys happy-then I am happy for you!!!! Congrats on that!!! Besides, I do get a ride on it-how much better can that get? LOL...At least I know someone that will give me a ride....when I see them ride by-I always think-how much fun!!! I would LOVE to just get on and ride-so now I can go on that ride. One of my dreams are going to come through because you and Joe are so cool-LOL!!!!! I have had "friends" who, when I would get something-they would have to get it too OR get it, but better-and I am NOT into competing-Im just happy for people when they are happy! It stinks when someone cant be happy for you when you get one of your biggest desires or wishes granted-I know. Im sorry if anyone (NOT YOU SUGAR) is making you feel like that!! Dont give it a second thought-OK????? I expect some pics of you and Joe all decked out in your leather!!! You didnt answer me about the helmets? Of course-from the looks of the bike and it being deluxe-Im surprised it doesnt clean your house for you-or wa****self-LOL LOL!!!

I WISH I lived close enough to go to those painting classes with you. My grandma-she was into painting and I have a lot of her paintings around my house-she was so good-and did it in those days in oils etc-she was so talented-anyway-I cant draw a stick person....altho I have always wanted to be able to paint..I have the desire and I LOVE it-but cant. Now, Steph-she can draw ANYTHING and it looks awesome!! Some of her work has been displayed at the colleges and the mall-she is really good!!! Guess it just skipped a generation!

What do you have to do to get your motorcycle endorsement? Do you have to do a test on the trike OR a 2 wheel bike? Ive never-and I have often wondered HOW they test for that??? Mike and I would have to have a trike too-for the same reasons as you and Joe. Mike doesnt have the bad hips-but he does have the back, neck and shoulder issues and doubt he could OR would want to-mess with a 2 wheel bike. Enjoy! Love ya. Have a good day and tell Mr. "cool" Joe I say hi and Congrats too, ok?

IF I can go to the reunion-I am either going to make a pan of chicken enchiladas (using low carb tortilla shells, of course) OR my famous baked potatoes.......maybe even both-will see. Both taste really good for pre or post ops. They all enjoy both dishes.....

**Andrew-did you call the doc yet? What did he say? Did you see Liz's response to you yesterday and the hose? Maybe that would help? My mom wears those sometimes and they really work. I hope they figure it out and I am keeping you, Susan AND FIL in my prayers. Keep us posted, ok?

**Bec-You have the patience of a saint-I WOULD HAVE chucked that baby soon out the window or the trash and shovel that food in-LOL...Im not THAT patient. I only did that baby spoon cuz I HAD to-but I learned post op real fast about using that spoon!!!! Your gonna have the whole thing down pat before schedule-and your gonna be well prepared. Im so happy for you!! I have a surprise for you. Nothing big-but something I KNOW you will appreciate because thats just the kind of person you are!! Im sorry about your plant....I pray for you and your family every day and Love ya lots!!

**Sugar-I will be praying about the weather and your trip...So, do you take all the grandkids? Or the whole family? That sounds like so much fun!~Do you rent a house on the beach? Do you go to Disney or just relax at the beach? I think Id rather relax at the beach-feels weird calling the ocean the beach-LOL...Take lots of pics! Love ya and will be praying. Oh-before I forget-would you share your chicken salad recipe with me? I have made it a couple of times-yes, using fresh chicken breast, celery and onion (light).....anyway-would love to have your recipe. Thanks.

**Deb-Oh, I didnt know that about the Lyme disease. Mikes aunt has that and she had to move from New Jersey to Arizona because in Jersey she was in a wheelchair-and she rarely has to use it there. That has been really hard on her. Now she is terminal with cancer-so she is just a mess! I will be saying extra prayers for you. I hope you feel better soon. What is a bulls eye rash? never heard of that before? I live in the country and we get ticks on us all the time-so I would like to know what that rash looks like. Please take it easy and keep us posted. Love ya!

**Lori-I will be praying for you! I know its so hard not to feel good and its disheartning to have to eat the one or two things forever-BUT....it doesnt last-sometimes it feels like forever-I did that for a couple of months-do you still have your gallbladder? Mine made me feel the way you are describing. Just something to think about. Keep us posted and I hope you feel better soon.

**Sheila-Thanks for the compliment. I am so sorry-I sure hope you get to go to the reunion!!! Are you going to be okay??? Let me know if you need anything, ok. Im gonna email you later today. Take care of yourself and make the most out of the next couple of days off....Love ya and I WILL be praying for you. Thanks again for sharing that baby with me-AND tell Rachael thanks and we love her too!!! She is such a doll!!!

**Tammy-Ammy-it was good talking to you yesterday-2 grandbabies in ONE week? Im so jelous!! I KNOW you will text me pics of the cutie pies-so------DONT FORGET to send me the pics to my phone! Tell the girls congrats-and congrats to you-I KNOW you will be on a cloud-Love ya girl!

~~Has anyone heard from Brenda? Deb M? Barbara? Renee-WHERE ARE YOU?, Nutti? Come out, come out, wherever you guys are-we wanna hear how your doing....Love you guys.

Well, I am going to eat some lunch and get busy...Cant stay lazy all day long now-can I? I hope you all have a great day.... Will talk to you all later-As always, your in my thoughts and prayers! Janet