Concerns

   To begin with, Please don't lose faith in me yet!  BUT......       I am really really really having some concerns about having WLS. So please hear me out and see if you can help...... 1) I have allready lost 19lbs. and haven't even started my liquid diet yet. So why can't this continue? 2) I am in such a funk and depression about my son and grandsons leaving that I can't even deal with everyday life . How am I gonna deal with everything that you have to do and keep track of daily after surgery?

3)I am very scared about complications because it has been proven through out my life that if it can go wrong with me that it does. 4)The only people in my family that is behind me in this is my DH(which I think he just wants a skinny wife) and my son who truely supports me. It's even to the point where my Dad won't even talk to me or allow my Mom to do any thing to help me.I know it's because they have lose a daughter and a granddaughter to death in the last two years. And don't want to lose anyone else. 5) I am concerned if I can even afford all the protien drinks and powders and bars and vitamins that I will have to have to live for the rest of my life. I only get disability and my husband only works 20 hours aweek.We don't even by but just enough groceries to get by with because we can't afford much so I won't really be saving much there. 6) And it is getting down to the last days before surgery and it has started sinking in that this Sunday is the last day that I can every eat anything that I want to. That really scares me. What if I can't handle it. I have never been stronge or have had any will power. What makes me think that will start now?   But on the other hand I can not continue to go through life being stared at, laughed at, made fun of. Thinking that my DH is ashamed of me. Wanting him to think of me as a lady and knowing he doesn't. To be able to walk, run, play with my grandkids. To just feel "normal". I will never have any of this in my life if I don't have WLS. And i just can't stand the thought of that either.     So please if you could ,any help would be very much appreceated. I love you all , and value your thoughts and comments.         Take Care All, And God Bless, Tammy V.

Listen sweetie No one can help u make that decision.  This is something you have to go with your gut feeling.  I know cause I have been there.  I have been approved for the gastric twice in 2002 and again in 2003, but deep in my heart, I just wasn't feeling it.  I prayed over it and asked for guidance and wisdom to my the right decision for me at that time....Now here we are in 2007 and I have decided that I wanted to try the lapband and although I haven't been approved, I have joined Weigh****chers and its been going really well and who knows what  may happen.    JUST STEP BACK AND LOOK AND THE BIG PICTURE.     What is best for you.   Whatever you decide, I'm sure everyone here on this site, will stand by your decision, good luck on your journey. A

we cant lose faith in you because we are here to support you in whichever YOU decide is best for you! you have legitimate concerns and feelings....some of which I also thought long and hard about. I know that if you choose to have this surgery you will be able to do all the things you want to do....way sooner than you thoght.   I lost 23 lbs while waiting for my first appointment....you bet I thought about not doing it....I could keep up the diet! but in fact I could not keep it up for as long as it would take to have achieved my same results from RNY WLS as for money problems ....yup got those tooo.....but a smaller healthier you could work somewhere and that can help improve the situation.....lots of pros and cons!  good luck making a descion you will be comfortable with over time....and you can always do this later when some of your concerns are met!  Oh one thing that helped my mom and Grandmother who were WAY against this.....I took her to a support group meeting and she asked lots of questions.  all most folks hear are the horror stories! but around here we all know it can be both! Ill be thinking of you! let us know because you are supported here!

nutti

Tammy i agree with Afica that you will have to make the ultimate decision yourself but lets go thru your list and see if we can help any at all .  1. that is wonderful that you have lost 19 pounds , im really proud of you for that. Is this the first time you have ever lost weight before in your life? No? Me neithe. I probaby over the years lost a couple thousand pounds lol  was never able to keep it off 2.the depression i know is real but you are going to have to deal with that on your own. I dont think you are allowed as a parent to keep your kids right by your side for the rest of their lives. It is called growing up....I am sad for you that you arent dealing with it well. I know it is breaking your heart but you need to do something for Tammy now.

3.all we can do is pray that complications dont happen and be prayed up. Are you not having complication right now from being overweight?

4.that is sad that you dont feel like you have anyone supporting you but your son.

5.you dont have to have the protein bars, you do have to have vits. yes but you dont have to buy the most expensive ones there are. Centrum Silver at wal mart and citracal calcium. both have chewables for the firts couple of months they are about 10.00 a month for the both of them.  Protein powder can be purchased with food stamps if you use them as it is food

6. you will still be able to eat anything you want later on . except junk, oh you will be able to eat it just wont have the desire for it. The surgery takes away the knawing hungry as you know it right now. It isnt a matter of will power it is that you just dont really want it. Yes at times i think i am really hungry but a small couple of bites and i am full.  You will save money in food because you will be buying mainly for only one plus what you eat and that isnt much.  Good luck on your decision and just remember that if you want something in life it there for the taking but no one will make you do anything you dont want to do. You do have a lot of health problems that are directly related to your weight tho, even the latest one of gall bladder is weight related, there will be more and more as you get older and older.  maybe if you get the weight off you will no longer be disabled and will be able to work therefore being able to afford to go see your grandsons and son more.  Love and hugs and support no matter what you decide.  

Tammy; Everything you are feeling is NORMAL!  I think most feel this way at sometime during this process. I understand all your concerns. No one can make this decision but you. Like Jan, lets look at each issue: 1) Why can't this continue?  You answered this yourself later in your post. "No will power."  Something  we all have in common. 2) I'm nearly 5 years out and I don't have much to keep track of with the exception of protein and vitamins. That is a matter of training our brains on taking care of US, ourselves which obviously we didn't do before. It is not that much trouble. It will come automatic. 3) Complications....that can happen with any surgery. It is a possibility and I don't have the answer for you. Just remember, you will eventually have complications with your weight so, why not nip that in the bud now? You have worked hard to get this far. 4) I am sorry that you don't have family support now but, when you start losing your weight you will be so much different that they will come around. This surgery is something we must do for our selfs. 5) You don't have to purchase protein drinks if you get enough in by food. You never have to purchase the bars, that is just a treat. The vitamins are really inexpensive, you don't have to purchase any name brands and you can get most at the dollar store. Besides, believe me your grocery cost will go down. We eat more that we thought or would let our selves believe. 6) Trust me, I eat anything I want with a few exceptions. Everyone is different. Even with sugar intake. I can not eat much sugar but, with the repercussion, I don't miss it for long. You will be limited at the beginning, but, as Dr. H will tell you, you will learn quickly what you can and can not eat. It is trial and error for the most part. We all value your thoughts and comments as well. We will all respect your decision. You must do this for your self only! Please find the time to sit and think this out, do you want to be like you are now  or worse for the rest of your life or do you help yourself and get the surgery? Trust your heart and do what you must. All my prayers are with you.

Hi Tammy, I just want to send lots of hugs your way. You have some very legitimate concerns, so most of us have had also.  I do agree with the first responder (sorry can't remember her user name...darn my memory *L*), the ultimate decision is yours. I'd never tell someone yay or nay on this very, very life changing matter. I hope you feel better once you really think all of this through. I just want to chime in and lend my support to you. This is really a tough thing for all of us to go through. I admire those *****ally consider all things before they just take the plunge. I think you will do just fine, no matter what you decide. (((hugs)))  Cassandra

Tammy, I think you have answered your own questions in your last paragraph.  You cannot continue to go through life the way you are now and you know you cannot do it on your own.  You know that!!!  Most of us have gotten to exactly this place and have gone ahead to have the surgery.   The things you are feeling are sooooo normal but don't let your fear block your mind.  Think for yourself.  Think about how you'll feel when this is behind you and you are healthier and happier than you've even been.  Think about how you WILL handle this not about why you can't.  Most of us don't have our children/grandchildren geographically close to us so I'm gonna have to say that you need to thank God for the time you have had them close and learn to deal with the natural progression of raising a child and letting them go.   You CAN do all these things but you have to want to do it for yourself and for bettering your health and life.   Hugs, Lana

Thank-you everyone for your responses. I will take all of them into concideration when making my decision. My heart really wants to have WLS I just have to convince my head.LOLThanks again and Take Care and God Bless, Tammy V.