anxiety

I'm so overwhelmed with emotion.  I'm feeling so many things at once..I'm excitied that I'll be getting a surgery date sometime within the next 30 days but at the same time...I'm scared and happy and excitied and nervous and well I dunno just all these things at once.  I know my life is about to change and I know EVERYTHING I've known and done the past 33 yrs will be different.  I'll be able to do things I've never done before or in a very long time.  I know it's all a few years away but I'm just nervous---I've NEVER been thin.  NEVER.  I don't know how it's going to hit me or make me feel or if I'm going to lose my mind.  I watched a documentry a few years ago about a woman who lost weight from WLS and when she got thinner she started parting and sleepin around and dyed her hair and well just totally went nutso.  I partied alot in my earlier 20s so I'm not so worried about that, I've had lots of fun and sex and all that.  I'm just concerned with the reaction men will give me---how will I feel to have lots of men look at me or smile or hold a door open (not just the BBW admirers).  I love my husband and am not looking to change anything at all we've been together for 7 years and I love him emensley.  I'm just scared that somehow the weight loss will change something in me.  Hell I dunno it may sound crazy but this is just how I feel.   I keep thinking about the little things that will change for me---like not having to turn sideways to walk down my hall, not having to have someone help me walk up or down stairs, being able to walk through a store and shop, hell just being able to WALK period.  I can't wait for the day I can play ball with my nephews and nieces.  I want to play baseball again sooo bad, I've always loved playing my weight never stopped me in my younger years I love it.  It did stop me from playing in high school because of what the other kids would say.  We played in PE and my teacher always let me be a team leader because she knew I had a good knowledge of the game and could see the strong points in people and know where to put them on the field.  Last summer my nephews and nieces and I played catch in the lake and they were all cheering for me when I'd jump for the ball and catch it or throw it real far---I had alot of fun.  It was easy for me to play in the water---I could never stand and play catch or dive for a ball on land.  Hell I'll be happy to just be able to sit in the heat and watch them play ball in their league.  As it is now I can't sit out there too long if it's real hot---I get over heated and short of breath easily.   I'm just spilling my thoughts a lil.  Thanks for reading. Always, ~Angie!

Hi Angie It's an exciting time - I remember it well.  Think of it this way.  How many times over your life, have you had people judge you because you were fat, not because of who you were inside?  The real you is who you are inside your heart.    That's not going to change because you change on the outside - unless you let it.  So don't let any attention you may get from men or others, once you become thin, try to sway you from who you know yourself to really be inside.  If you love your husband now - then you will love your husband after your surgery.  Your husband isn't changing.  And the REAL you isn't changing either.  Just the outside package that holds you is changing - that's all.  Remember that to keep you grounded.  Traci

Angie, i ditto all that Traci says. even tho i feel like a new person, basically im still the same me only better. My emotions are so much more happy now that im not draging around another person on  my aching back. You will still love the things you love now only more so and better. You wont change anymore than what you want to change.