Please Forgive Me!! I am so sorry !!!

I AM SO SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I did not e-mail Jan to ***** about the Missouri Board!!!!!

She e-mailed me and I answered her back.

I am sure that when I wrote her that I was having a feel sorry for Brenda day!!

Following is the exact e-mails that was sent between us.

 

-----Original Message-------

From: Jan \(Mimi\) Cook Date: 9/11/2007 12:48:15 AM

To: Brenda Minks Subject: hello

how are you doing? how is your hubby?

have you heard anything from Tammy? Is she ok?

Jan

----- Original Message ----- From: Brenda Minks To: Jan (Mimi) Cook

Sent: Tuesday, September 11, 2007 4:06 PM Subject:

Re: hello

Hi Jan,

I'm doing ok, I'm stuck on my weight loss. I have lost 121 lbs and now weight 179, but I can't seem to get anymore off. I really would like to lose 25 more pounds but maybe my body likes it where it's at. I have been doing mostly just protein shakes and decaf tea. I usually get over 100 gms of protein a day. So who knows maybe this will be where I stay.

My husband has had the insulin pump on for a few weeks now and he is starting to get better control but I think they will have to up his basil dose one more time to get good control.

He has been kind of depressed lately and a little hard to live with. Since he was diagnosed with diabetes he has gained about 80 pounds mostly due to medication side effect.

He wants to lose weight so bad and he is exercising with me and eating right {most

of the time} but can't lose a pound. His insurance flat out will not pay for WLS, we even had his Endocrinologist write a letter of necessity.

But anyway I'm glad all you guys had a good time over the weekend.

Don't think I'm sounding petty are anything but,

well I guess it is going to sound petty regardless.

One of the reasons I only read and don't post much on OH is - it seems to me that there is a click on there of people in around the Springfield area, the ones that go to the support meeting there.

I feel so far removed from that.

I haven't talked to Tammy since our trip out there.

Talk to you later.

Love Brenda

-----Original Message-------

Hey glad to hear from you. You know I think you really look good at where you are at. I sure wouldn't guess you at 179 pounds. you look so thin.

Maybe your body does like it there. Mine seems to like it at 169 im like you i am having mostly protein all the time about 120 grams a day and i still don't lose anymore. I too would like to lose about 19 pounds but it doesn't seem to want to go down any. I know if i could exercise more it might but cant walk much with my knees like they are.

Brenda im sorry you feel like you arent a part of the board. Lot of people that post all the time on my whats happening dont attend the meetings in Springfield, they just keep posting and it is the only way that people get to know you.

I hope you will continue to post cause we all do care about you and we care how you are feeling and care about Dennis too.

Im glad that maybe he will be getting his diabetis under control better with the pump.

that is such a shame that his insurance wont pay for wls. stupid is what it really is actually

Maybe one day all of them will be required to. but may not be in our lifetime.

take care and hope to keep hearing from you. Jan

 

I really didn't mean to sound that way!!!

I enjoyed coming to Springfield and meeting alot of you.

And Jan as I have already said to you, thank you so much far letting me sleep on your air bed.

There has been so much going on here. Some of the things are of course my worrying about Dennis. He had to go to a place today to get shoe inserts molded to his feet because

of the Diabetic neuropathy and his feet have some terrible scar tissue on the balls of his feet from a foot surgery he had about 12 years ago that he contracted a bone infection in and just about lost his feet.

The doctors have told Dennis to sign up for his Social Security, but we have a REALLY high car payment, that is my fault because I thought I needed a new car 3 years ago and had only had the other one 18 months, so therefore we are really paying off 2 cars.

So we can't make our car payment from social security check, because there would not be enough to make that and other bills. And we so wanted to buy a house when he retires, because we have never owned a home, did not want to ruin our credit and let the bank have the car.

Then Sydney (my g-daughter that has lived with us) who is bi-polar and has several other problems. One of them being just a big non appreciative A**! Showed herself big time when we went to pick her up from work, she and my daughter (Sydney's mom) work in the same nursing home. She mouthed something to her mom and her Papa Dennis heard her and told her not to mouth her mother and kind of took his elbow and pushed her a little bit and she started screaming "Don't hit me!- "Don't hit me!" and dodged like he was beating her up. He said to her are you going home with us or staying here and she said real hateful "I'm staying here!" Well a lot of the residents and family visiting them and the other workers there heard her yelling and it totally made my husband mad and hurt his feelings because he has never hurt her, so we left her there.

She will not go live with her mom because she can't get along with her step dad. So she moved in with her boyfriend and his family. My g-daughter will be 18 in Dec. and her boyfriend is 16. She acts around us like a very immature 12 year old. Her boyfriends family I guess thinks it's ok for her to live with them and from What I can find out they are sleeping in the same bed together. So the next thing will probably be her getting pregnant!

So again I'm SORRY!!!! I have been depressed and with all this going on I just said it without thinking. I told my husband that I want to move out toward Springfield so I can be with all you guys every month!! And also because I love the area out there.

So please don't hate me, I just wrote before I thought!!!!!!!!!

If you can all forgive me please!!!

I do read everyday, I guess I’m more of a private person than I thought.

I just didn’t think I could talk about all the going on’s in my life.

I would love to be able to open up like some of you do .

Please don’t hate me, again I am sorry.

I will be having surgery on my feet Tuesday in St. Louis, please if you could whisper a prayer  for me.

I really do Love you guys!! But if you no longer want to talk to me I understand.

Brenda

I dont think you said or did anything that warrents you begging  for forgiveness. You simply stated to Jan how you were feeling. She passed on that there were those who felt like you and just informed the board so that maybe we could all be aware and try to include all.  I think this issue was blown WAY out of porportion. I know you did not mean any offense. If it has been said before and it was stated by you and another recently  that there seems to be some exclusivity then amybe there is .If it keep coming up couldn't it seem to be true> perception is reality. I dont believe this board is intentionally clique-ish but maybe it seems clique-ish to some.  I dont think jumping on people and ripping them apart for stating their feelings is a way to make them feel included and cared about. I hope we can all try to walk in anothers shoes before we post  replys. We have all rode the emotional roller coaster and we know there are " I feel left out" or "all alone" days. You have a lot to deal with and I'm sorry you are going through so much. I will pray for you and your husband . I will also pray for all of us on this board to be more understanding and patient with each other. Dannielle

Brenda sweetie i never once said your name and really you werent the persons i was talking about. I get a lot of trash email and i get a lot of emails from people that give me fake names and like Claudette said they dont even have profiles so i guess they are just people that like to make trouble but when you said that it got me to thinking that maybe we did come across like that to so.  Honey we love you and i know you are a very private person but we cant know that you are needing us if  you dont say or dont ask you know? I hope you all do move over this way so you could come to the monthly meeting with us. I think it would really help you open up and feel more included but if you dont get to. remember we are always here.  I dont think anyone meant to flame anyone today in the post i just wanted to give people something to think about.  You were very brave today opening up to us about all of the things that have been going on with you and see it didnt hurt a bit did it?   Love Jan

Brenda            First off I wanna say that I love you!!!!! Your my angelett and your always in my thoughts and prayers!!!! You have NOTHING to be sorry for. There isnt a 1 of us here on the board that hasnt had (as you called it) a pity me period. With all that is going on in your life no wonder your stressed out to the max!!          I need to ask you to forgive me also. Being your angel I know I havnet kept up with you like I should of. And I am truely sorry!!! Please dont think that we dont care about you. Cause that couldnt be farthest from the truth. I have our photo from the meeting on my computer desk. And I feel very privilaged to have meet you face to face!!!        Please tell Dennis that I will pray that God opens a door for him to have the surgery. And if you ever wanna talk I am just an email away!!!! Love ya & God Bless Mel

Hey Brenda: Were are the same. We just don't type what we are thinking. I get in trouble too. Don't you give it another thought. We all love you!!! 

Dear Brenda,

I just wanted you to know that I am really sorry that you feel that way-or did feel that way. Although you dont post every day or whatever, I have always felt that you were and are a part of our friends and family and I love and care for you very very much. I had not met you face to face when we started to email one another and when I got that card for you. I care for and about you whether I see you at the grou*****t. Jan never said any names AND you werent the only one that she had gotten emails from. I know that most everyone who posts on Jans daily thread love all the people, not just the ones who go to group. I dont regret what I posted yesterday, I do feel like its not a crime for all of us to be close, but I do feel that way about you, about Tammy, Bevs, and the others whom I havent even met or dont see every month. Please dont take it like I dont want you there-I care to hear your posts each and every day, even if you dont think your life is interesting-ok? When you dont post-I miss you. I have posted several times asking what happened to you. I have sent emails asking people if they are okay and where they are. So-we do care. I just figured with everything going on with Syndney and Dennis, that you were overwhelmed right now. Please dont forget that we do love you. Janet

Brenda, No one hates you, in fact we love you.  You are such a part of our group - can't imagine being without you.   You have so much going on in your life you need to vent to us.  We are the best at absorbing your hurts and praying for your problems and we DO love you. Hugs, Lana

((((HUGS))))))  Brenda I am sorry you  are having such arough time right now. I will keep you in my prayers. Hang in there, you are loved. Rebecca

Hello Brenda! First I want to tell you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers....I live in Ashland Missouri which unfortunatly seems to be 2 or more hours away from everyone on the board... I feel lost and alone on here alot and understand where you were coming from ... there were times I thought that I wouldnt fit in or couldnt talk about my problems on here and then one day I just did and people responded.... and honey thats what you need to do I want to hear about you and your family I want to hear what good thing what bad things what made you cry what made you laugh all that....and you know its becuase we are all so much alike even though we are all totally diffrent but we ahve all started made are making have just begun what ever on our WLS journey and we all travel together on that and we want to travel with you on your other journeys as well we are not all here simply for wls items we all have a connection that most people will never understand and that is the connection of being a big person...knowing the hardships we went through as that and now we can connect with the other things in our lives... anyway girl just know we all love you and you are in our hearts thoughts and prayers always If you ever need to talk to someone that has big ears that listen well just tell me say " Bobbie give me your number I need to talk to someone" and girl its yours!!!  Bobbie Jo