Two for Tues Humor
Boat Story
They say the happiest days in life are the day you buy a boat and
the
day you sell it!! Well, here's a good BOAT story!!
Joe and John were identical twins. Joe owned an old dilapidated
boat
and kept pretty much to himself. One day he rented out his boat to
a group
of out-of-staters who sank it. Joe spent all day trying to salvage
as much
stuff as he could and was out of touch all that day and most of the
evening.
Unbeknownst to him, his brother John's wife died suddenly. When
he got
back on shore he went into town to pick up a few things at the
grocery store.
A kind old neighbor woman mistook him for John and said: "I'm so
sorry for
your loss. You must feel terrible"
Joe, thinking she was talking about his boat said: "Hell no! Fact
is
I'm sort of glad to be rid of her.
She was a rotten old thing from the beginning. Her bottom was all
shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always
holding water. She
had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too.
Every
time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy.
I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to
those
four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't
very good
and smelled bad. But they wanted her anyway. The darn fools tried
to get in
her all at one time and she split right up the middle!"
The old woman fainted.
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of
his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar
home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave
him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor
asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this -
first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left
hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her
right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth,
first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even
called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both
hands, then an arm pit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees,
but still nothing.
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar
home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave
him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor
asked what happened and the man explained, "Well, doc, it's like this -
first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left
hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her
right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth,
first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even
called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both
hands, then an arm pit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees,
but still nothing.
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
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