Returning friend......

Hello everyone. I see some familliar faces, and some not so familiar, so here is a great BIG hello to everyone. I hung around last year, but then decided that I was going to try to lose the weight myself again. Which again, failed. Now I am just determined that some how, some way, I am going to do this. I dont know what the best option is, but i am 33 now, and I feel like I am running out of time. I know that must really really sound stupid, but I am just getting to a point where I dont want to be myself anymore. I am NOT this hugely overweight woman, I am inside of her. And I want out! My twins are graduating preschool this week, I am so sad yet so excited for them, they start kindergarten and they are thrilled. Me, not so much. I desperately want to be the mom that I know I can be. I dont want the kids at school saying that they have the fat mom. Someone, give me some advice...........I cant be away from them for too long, I have good support, but you can only ask people to do so much, with twins and all. I was considering going to my primary and seeing if he can help me out. He suggested it once, and that was last year, and I didnt want to take the steps, for fear i would be denied, for insurance reasons. Now, I know that i just need to do something. My husband says i stop breathing at night, a lot. So I am guessing sleep apnea?? I guess if i go get the study done, maybe that will help my case?? Anyone? I know i am over 330, my scale only goes that far..........sigh. Making an appt for this week, so i can see the doc and see what i really weigh and where to go from here. Damn. Sorry i got so long, i just dont really have any IRL friends that would understand this.

Hi Robyn yes we all understand it all to well. I had the lap. RNY last year in August and am now down to wearing mostly mediums. I love my life now. I know how you feel about running out of time but you are so young that you have your whole life ahead of you and wls will make you enjoy life so much more. I was only down about 4 days and was up and cooking supper for my hubby the next day after i was released from the hospital. Was in the garden working pulling weeds by one week. So you dont have to have a lot of down time. Yes i would start with the pcp and ask them to point you in the right direction. and suggest which surgeon and then go from there. Jan

Thanks Jan. It feels good just to be back here, reading peoples stories, and hearing about how good everyone is. I am feeling like I am going to have a hard time with the insurance, but you never know. We will have to wait and see. Am going to call PCP today and get in. Maybe if we get the sleep study done and I have proof of sleep apnea, they will approve and get this ball rolling soon. I know last year when I was inquiring, the wait was a year already...........sigh. Seems like forever, but if i had done it all then, I would be almost there by now............

Robyn what insurance do you have? Will keep you in my prayers. Please stay with us and let us know how things are going. ok? Jan

Robyn you have already made the first step, knowing you need some help, just get everything started and I doubt if it takes you a year, but once you get the ball rolling you well feel much better, you will do fine, I will be praying for you....vesta

Robin, Welcome back. You have made a wonderful decision and I pray your insurance will approve you quickly. Don't be afraid to grab all life can offer. You are too young to let this excess weight rule your life. You'll not be sorry you chose to live. Hugs and love, Lana

Dear Robyn- WELCOME BACK~Let me tell you-when I read your post-it brought tears to my eyes-because at this exact time last year-I was feeling EXACTLY like you-and my son was 3 then. I was so depressed-and I know that the person I WANTED to be-was suffocating in all of that fat. I, too-worry (worried) about how the kids at school treated my kids (I have 3 older-21, 16 and 13) and it stunk. I knew I wasnt REALLY living-and I couldnt REALLY play with my son or enjoy him-a simple trip to the park would wear me out-and I was out of breath before we got to the slides-much less playing with him...It was awful. I was 38 when I underwent surgery on 11/29/06-almost 39 and let me tell you something-I am 146# down and I feel like that person who was stuck inside that enormous body-is coming out-she loves life-she takes her son to the park AND plays with him-she can play cars with him...kick the soccer ball around-you name it-I even chased him through the house one day...running-and didnt get winded. I walk every day now-and my family cant keep up with me most times. I LOVE and ENJOY LIFE... I am happy-I find that peoples attitudes towards me have changed because of my outer appearance-and I am NOT talking about the weight, I am talking about the smile-the friendlyness-the voice-my soul lost a lot of hatefulness and misery as well-I think this is the best decision you can make for you and your family-and dont worry so much about your recovery time-its so fast-you will wonder WHY you waited so long-LOL LOL. We are here for you should you need to talk. Good luck, Robyn-and you will be in my prayers. Take care! Keep us posted~ All my love and prayers- Janet

Janet............I don't know what to say, except I am also wiping tears from my face.  I cannot believe the love and support that you all share.  I want so badly to give my kids the mom they deserve.  So I am going to do this.  No matter what it takes.  I have to.  So let the journey begin.........I am going to see my PCP on Thursday and go from there.  Jan, I have Missouri Medicaid, specifically the Mercy Care Plus card.  I dont know about them much, when they were just Mercy, I heard they were hard, but now t hey have merged with someone else too, I dont know anything about them.  All I can do is try..............

Howdy Robyn....Welcome back to the board!!!!  I know exactly what you meant about being inside of the other person....That is exactly how I have felt for several years now!!!  You deserve doing this for yourself!!!! There is so much out there in life to do and to enjoy..... I have had to do the liquid protein diet before surgery . The doctor wanted me to loose 50lbs before surgery....I have had to work on it for aprox 3 months but I have lost the 50lbs and heading over it now.....I started out at 474, so even with loosing 50lbs that still leaves me alot over weight....BUT....I can tell sucha difference with jsut that 50lbs!!!!! I can not wait to enjoy more of it melting away!!!!! I can now walk in the stores with out being quite as misserable or having to use a cart, I can do house work with out setting down every 5 minits.....and one of my most favorite accomplishments I haven't really ever posted about is I can finally clean myself properly after using the restroom!!!!! That meant the world to me!!!  So loosing the weight will definitly make a BIG difference in your life....And you are well worth it!!!!  You probably do have sleep apnea..... I only got around to getting mine seen about in the past 8 mo or so.....Girl ....the first night I slept with the bi-pap machine on in the hosptial, I could tell a difference the very next morning....That alone will help you feel better! I had went for what seemed like forever not sleeping much at a time or when I did sleep it was such a restless sleep I was wore out the next day....But having the bi-pap machine has helped with my energy level a whole lot... I don't think this journey is ever easy for anyone that takes it....But it is so well worth it...I wish you the best and will be praying for you....Stay in touch and remember someone is always around to lend an ear or give advice, drop in anytime....God Bless....Hugs...Tammy H.