Prayers needed!!!

Okay I went to my appt today at the OB/GYN. Not good!!! The masses that I have (3 all together 1 on each overary & 1 on my uterius) Have grown 1 alone has doubled in size. Not the news I was wanting from him but the news I was given. Dr. C is first going to check my FHS levels (did the bloodwork after I left his office. He should have the results by Friday). Then DH has to make his deposit and take to the hospital 1 day next week. Proabley on Tuesday while I am cleaning house. If both test come back okay. Then I am being scheduled for surgery to remove these masses and to find out what they are. Surgery will be either at the end of this month or the begining of June. Depending on what they find will determine weither they will start me on fertility drugs or not. I am believeing that God put this desire in my heart for a reason and I am trying not to get discourged. But as I sit here and type this out to you all. Inside my heart is breaking!!!!! I dont understand how someone that wants so much to have children cant. But someone that can pop them out left and right. Either abuses them, throws them away or worse. I keep asking God why. Why me?? Why did you put this in my heart if ever time I turn around the door is going to be closed when I get my hope up again and again. I'm mad as hell, angry, scared, sick to my stomach, disappointed, feel like half a women and that I have let my husband down. This was one of the main reason's I had WLS was for that chance to have children. I just want to crawl into bed and never come out again!!! I try not to be the poor pity me type. I deal with what I am delt with and keep my head up and move on. But I dont know if I can or would want to if I get that kind of news. Please I believe more then anything in the power of prayer!!!! And I believe and know that God has touched our loves by seeing the healing he has done in memeber here on the board. Please, please, please say a prayer for me. I need strength, I need to know he not only hear my prayers, but that he hears the sorrow that is in my heart crying out to him. And that I will be able to have peace with whatever the out come is. Thanks in advance and thanks for letting me pour my heart out to you all. I love ya Mel

Melissa Sweetie, Please know that we all want this for you so much and that we will ALL be praying for you. I know that once you get your mind around this you'll feel better but right now it is so good that you can pour out your heart to us. We love you so much and we do understand your disappointment and sorrow. We'll just pray that God will heal you and hold on to the prayer that never fails, "Thy will be done". It's a difficult one but it cannot fail because it prays for His will. I hope you can feel the love and caring I have for you. Wish I could hug you right now. Love you so much, Lana

My Dearest Mel, First, let me start by saying that I feel really weird posting this to you-but I want you and the WHOLE board to know how I feel-and first off- YOU ARE NOT HALF A WOMAN and YOU HAVE NOT LET TERRY DOWN-so get those thoughts out of your head RIGHT NOW!! I bet if you ask Terry, he will love you the same, NO MATTER WHAT~! As for being half a woman-girl-you ARE MORE WOMAN that A LOT OF WOMEN who have children-dont you EVER think that about yourself-I am not going to allow you to think any less of yourself! PLEASE know-I know a lot of people (Angie and Eric) who dont even appreciate their own children as much as you do-so it is NOT a question of you being a whole woman or not- Let me tell you something else-we are going to stand firm that those masses are whats getting in the way of you being pregnant and once they are removed and out of there so your system can work correctly-you will be able and try then......we are NOT going to believe this is the end.....NO WAY, NO HOW!! IF I know anything, you will be a parent one day~I KNOW IT, cause I can feel it in my heart. I know that you have a heart of gold, I know that you are one of the first people my very shy son has ever wanted to be around besides family-and thats saying a lot-and I know that God did NOT put being a parent on your heart just to shut doors-SOOOO-Lets remember this, first off-when he shuts one door, he opens another! Also-Gods delays ARE NOT denials-ok? So-just because the mass's got bigger-doesnt mean that you cant be a parent-or be pregnant-I think, my personal opinion is that Dr. C is a dumbass and he talks out his ass a lot-heck, I THINK that he is just too scared to get in there and have the surgery-but we need those masses out of there for you-and for your system-so thats what we are going to do-and then you will heal-and we will go from there. My heart hurts for you-I feel your pain, I feel your sorrow, your anger and your hurt-because I am feeling them right along with you. I love you more than life itself and if I could take this away from you-I would in a heart beat-and if I could give you my female parts-I would....I hate surgery, and hospitals, and girl-for you I would go into surgery-let them take my stuff-and give it to you! Without a question or a second thought. You know that song, Lean on me, when you need a friend? Well, I want you to know I AM here for you-I will hold your hand when you are scared or need comforted, I will hug you when you cry-I will listen when you yell or scream, I will even let you smack me if it makes you feel better-the one thing I WILL NOT do-is let you crawl into bed and not come out-because this isnt a death sentence-and I am going to be there-right there-crying with you, no matter what-and no matter how you become a parent-I WILL BE THERE.....because you WILL~Please Mel, keep the faith and please let me know if you need me-if its 3 am-CALL....I love you with all my heart-and you know that-and I am here.....and I always will be. (I will even let you touch my chest IF it will make you feel better-LOL).....with all of my heart and soul-I am standing in faith WITH everyone else on this board-and I will be your wings right now when yours are tired. Love you sister. SO does Mike, Megan, Stephanie, Darrel, Jon, Aaron, my mom and my dad- Love, Janet P.S. I would give anything for you not to be hurting~I love you so much~Heck, I looked like Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer going to erics and the grocery store! I cant ever explain how special you are-so I am not going to try-all I am going to say is HANG IN THERE BABY-CAUSE ITS NOT OVER.....I KNOW ITS NOT!! I KNOW~

Mel, I can understand your frustration, and I join you with some of your problems. I have had the blessing of one child though, but I've wanted another for a long time. I have PCOS, which is Polycystic Ovarian Disease. I have cysts on my ovaries and issues with my uterus as well. This post isn't about me thouigh, it's about you. I don't know if you've known about these masses for a while, but I'm guessing they have found them since you lost weight?? This happens alot when we have something wrong with us.. we lose weight and then they can see it. So don't think your surgery was for nothing, you are alot healthier, you've come a long way.. don't give up. You've mastered a big part of your problem with your weight.. have your surgery and take care of these masses and look forward from there, but don't think your chances are over just yet. Stay positive, God works in Mysterious ways!! Good luck to you, and stay strong... and remember.. " This to shall pass"! Denise

Mel, My prayers are already to the Lord on your behalf. If I were close and could put my arms around you, I would. I am a believer in the Lord Jesus and I know he will in his own time answer your prayers. I have a daughter who prayed for 16 years to have another child and finally when she was 40 she had a long awaited son. Why did God make her wait so long. Because He had a purpose for Luke to be born 4 years ago. Please keep the faith, and do not give up hope and continue to pray. We love you. Colette

Mel, I am so sorry you are having to go through all this. The Docs will get you fixed up and God will see to it that you get the child you want, one way or another. I remember how I felt when I found out that I had to have a hysterectomy and no more kids, it's devastating. You were there for me with my surgery, you're forever my Angel! If there is anything I can do for you to repay you for your kindness to me, please let me know! I'm praying for you! I know everything will turn out ok! Love, Pam

Mel you are a very special person, and Gods time is not our time, I know he is hearing all of us praying for you, and he will answer, He has showed you the reason, now He will fix it, before long you will be on here saying I cant get any sleep this baby is keeping me up all night long...lol.. so you hang on there and wait upon the Lord...love ya..... Vesta

Mel, I too suffered from infertility for years. I did get two blessings. I prayed and prayed. I am catholic and one of the ladies from my church got me a St. Gerard metal and told me to pin it to my nightgown. She said to pray to Jesus and ask St. Gerard to pray with you. I got pregnant within two months. I know this sounds crazy but I so believe in this. I also did that the second time. I had to go off of the fertilty drugs because I could not afford them. I kept praying and got pregnant two months after I went off the drugs. I will pray for you. If you can go to a Catholic store and ask for a St. Gerard metal. If you believe and it is right for you will get the best gift you will ever. Good luck. Keep us posted. Christy

Melissa, You are in my prayers and I know that the Lord gives you what you can handle and you will make it through. Hugs and lots of prayers sent your way, Layla

Oh Mel, my heart aches for you! You have so much love and prayers from your friends here though I beleive they've said it all already. I'll keep you in my prayers as well and like has already been said, YOU WILL BE A MOTHER, I'm sure of it!!!! You may take a path other than the one you invisioned but it will happen. A person like you......you deserve what your heart desires in this case. In time, I think it WILL be. Trust, have FAITH. : ) Hugs, Tami