Feeling pretty bummed.....

A good friend of mine decided tonight to spend an hour trying to talk me out of surgery. He was telling me how unhappy I'm going to be afterwards. How it's going to change my life for the worse, How I will never enjoy a Christmas dinner with my family again...on and on and on........ I've been so stoked......what a let down I really thought he was supportive of me. I told him that I've made my decision, and if he can't be supprotive I dont want to talk to him. Man.....how depressing.....

Pam...I'm so sorry you had to go through that but don't let it get you down! Many people on here that made the choice to have WLS have been through what you went through today and they totally understand! When I made the decision to have Lap band, I told my husband, my children and my pastor. My parents are both deceased but I have 2 sisters and I brother I felt it best that they didn't know anything about until it was over! I wrote and told them all about my surgery and my weight loss after the fact and they didn't have a thing to say about it. My brother has stepped forward since and told me that he understood and congratulated on my decision and my weight loss! You must try to understand that not everyone out there is going to be in agreement with what we do! That's why it is OUR decision and NO ONE elses! We can't control what others do or say but we do have control over ourselves and what we hear and feel! My advice to you is prayer! Kneel, lay across your bed, your floor, stand and scream if need be but give it all to God and He will give you the right answer! It may or may not be the one your looking for but you will know how the only one that really matters, feels about what your doing! I noticed when I spoke to others about what I was going to do (WLS), most of them reacted out of their fears about surgery and the fear that I would die going ahead with WLS. What they don't understand is that if we don't do something to get the weight off we're going to die anyway! Trust me, you friend may hate everything you like about WLS and they may even turn their back on you out of their fear but YOU have to do what YOU feel is right and like I said before, the only one other than yourself that you need to worry about is GOD! If He gives you peace about this then you have your answer! Your friends will come around after you recover and they will be amazed at your success! Good Luck Sweetie, we're here if you need us, Deb M Lord, I ask that you bless Pam, to hold her close, to heal her mind, body, soul and spirit! To ease her mind and allow her body to feel Your presence! Help her in her decision and give her the knowledge that she needs to be able to explain to others the reasons that she needs or wants this surgery! Reassure her family and friends that all will go well Lord! Allow them to be at peace as Pam goes ahead with her journey! Speak to her heart Lord, right now Lord as I hold her up to You in prayer! Mend her heart, let her feel Your love, let her be at peace, in your Holy Name Jesus, Amen!!

Pam First off I want to say how sorry I am that your friend took it upon himself to burst your bubble!!!! Next I wanna also say sweetie GO FOR IT!!!! Not only will you enjoy Christmas & Thanksgiving, Easter, 4th of July, Halloween, ect. You will enjoy lift again!!! You will find out that the dinner isnt the importain part anyways. Being ALIVE and having a life it what matters. Trust me I am telling you from experence. That if I didint have the surgery when I did. I wasnt going to live to see another Chirstmas or any other holiday. You will enjoy them you may not be able to eat the whole turkey by yourself. lol But you will still get to enjoy everything about it. Please dont let that person get you down. God opened this door for you for a reason. You have been on my heart and mind lately and I just pray that you put any doubt or fear in Gods Hand's!!!! Sometimes when people dont know alot about certain things. They open their mouths and what ever pop out pop out. Alot of that comes from ignorance of the unknown. I will pray for him. But dont let him get you down. Your almost there sweetie!!!! And I am so honored and blessed to be your angle!!!! I will give you a call Sunday afternoon. And I look so foward to seeing you Monday!!!! Please if you need anything give me a call no matter what time it is!!!! God Bless Mel

Pam...I am so sorry your friend wasn't as supportive as you thought he was.....People that aren't informed about all the WLS stuff will usually be like that......Alot of them remember how things were in the past with the surgeries.....But things have changed alot with all the WLS from what they use to be..... My best friend was worried about me doing it becasue she had an aunt that died a year or so after she had the surgery.....there was no autopsy so they are not for sure why she died but the family assumed it was something to do with the surgery....So she was terrified for me to have it.....We are really close but I had never really told her much about how hard it was for me being so over weight cause it is so embarrasing....So I set down and typed her up an email telling her why this was so important to me and about all the things being so fat kept me from doing or enjoying and all.....I assrued her I had done alot of reading and questioning about all of it and that I felt if I didn't do it I was going to end up alot more down health wise than I am now....She wrote me back she told me she cried as she read my email....she said she never knew my weight had restricted me from doing so much and all....She told me she was still kinda scared but she would support me with it all the way.....There are alot of people that just don't know or understand what it is to be over weight...or what it is to be limited on things you can do and all.....If your friend knows you at all he should know you would not do this on a whim......I put off doing mine for awhile because my mother and kids was having a hard time with it...but I looked up info and talked to them about it and went to the seminar and asusred them that the doctors would not let me take it lightly and there were lots of things you had to do before you could even get it........They know only the Good Lord knows how it will all turn out and they are still a little worried but after we set down and talked about it all they are at ease about it now.....And since I have had to be on the liquid protien diet for awhile now and they see how hard it's been and how I keep pushing to stay on it and how much I have started loosing they know I am certain this is what I want and the whole gang has been really supportive of me!! Life may be different for a while but it will be worth it all to be able to have your life back and to be able to feel healthy and energetic for a change.....And sure your eating will be a bit different for awhile but you will get back to where you can eat regular again..just not in very big quanities........ Hang in there......You have a wonderful Angel.....Mel is a sweetie and is very supportive and easy to talk to.....We just had a long talk on the phone a few days ago and she helped me to feel alot better and helped me to want to stick to my diet even more.....I will be praying for you.....Smile..You will be a whole new you soon....Hugs...Tammy H.

Hi Pam, WOW-I read your post with tears in my eyes....see-it took me back to Oct 2005 when I sat and talked to what I THOUGHT were my 3 best buddies to tell them about my WLS and what I had decided to persue-imagine my shock when ALL 3 of them said they could NOT support me in this decision AND that they felt IF I just learned to love myself-my life would turn around and be ok. WOW...That was the lowest point of the whole journey for me, I believe. I felt so alone and so lonely....they, too, brought up ALL the things your friend did-so, I want to tell you something that has changed my life forever AND always! I quit associating with them. I could not be surrounded by people who were ignorant, didnt understand and were not supportive of me and my decision. I felt dead on the inside anyway-and they knew the restrictions of my life and knew that I cried every day at work from the pain because of my health issues. How could my 3 best friends stand there and say-we know someone who is dying right now from the surgery? We are NOT all the same, we do NOT have all the same health issues-AND what about the fact that IF I dont have this surgery-I am going to die in the next couple of years anyway? Shouldnt I have a chance at a NORMAL, PRODUCTIVE life like everyone else? They even went as far as to tell me I was selfish and not thinking of my hubby and 4 kids-thats what did it for me. So-yesterday, I went and had lunch with some of my other coworkers, that are friends, and they sat and cried through lunch-at how much I have changed-they told me how beautiful I was, and how my soul and my attitude and everything about me was so much better. They didnt really comprehend that I was having such a hard time prior to surgery, but who goes around announcing they have a hard time wiping their own ass? Not me! What I lost with those 3, was returned to me 10 fold-Sure, I felt hurt, I felt alone and I felt really lonely and betrayed-but God put my OH family in my life-and I had more support than I knew what to do with and some of the best friends I have ever had!!! I had people that not only understand EVERYTHING I was going through, they could really relate to every feeling etc as a fat person and what we go through! Your friend, he isnt fat is he? He obviously needs to sit down and get educated and IF he is REALLY TRULY YOUR FRIEND, he would be supportive of YOUR decision, whether or not he agreed with it. I know that fear sometimes is shadowed by stupid comments and or statements-but trust me when I say-that after your surgery, you WILL still have christmas dinner (I did) you just wont eat nearly what you used to-AND is the FOOD the REAL MEANING OF HOLIDAYS ANYWAY? no-its not! You are a beautiful person, you are on the right track-and you have been positive and excited etc-and should surround yourself with those of us who totally understand why you have chosen to do this. I am not saying to cut this friend out of your life-but maybe just until your done with surgery-as you cannot have people pulling you down and messing with your mind this close to the date!!!! I am wrapping my arms around you with a big ol hug!! YOU will succeed-and you will show your friend that you will still be your normal self-only better-and the changes in your soul and your self esteem will blow people away-and I am excited for you, Pam!!! I will be at the meeting with Mel on Monday and I look forward to seeing and meeting you-and I hope that you will see what an uplifting group of people attend the COF meeting and how what you may have lost with that one friends support-will come back to you in overwhelming amounts. And, AMEN to Debbies prayer! I am lifting you in prayer as well-you are going to be okay girl, and I will see you on Monday. All my love and prayers-Janet

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers everyone! They are much appreciated! I thought about it alot last night, and I think that he's just scared. People do and say crazy things when they are scared. I told him this surgery will allow me to be around for my family and friends a whole lot longer than without it at the rate I'm going. Boy do I know about the wiping the butt part! It's a fact of my life right now, and definately not something you share with others! That and so many other reasons are why I'm doing this. Those reasons are all for me....not for anyone else. For the first time in my life I am being selfish.... yeah me! He said he is 100% supportive of me, just doesnt agree with my decision. Can't figure out how you can be supportive, yet not agree....but I guess it could happen. I already told him I wont be talking to him until after the surgery. I need to stay as positive as I can until then. I wish that he could be here to go to the meeting with me tomorrow night so he could talk to you all. I think he would feel much better. lol....i know a few ladies that would set him straight Thank you so much for the prayer! I'm not one that goes to church every Sunday, and not as close as I know I should be. But I still believe in prayer and faith, and all of you have really helped me to be at ease with this. I know that God has his plan for me, and if it's my time, it will be, no matter how it happens. The main thing I'm worried about right now is finances...i'm worrying about little things like, am I going to have enough money (gas prices) to get to st louis formy 1 week post op. And, am I going to be able to afford the vitamins and protein I need. Those things are really what I need to put into God's hands and trust that he will help me work all those things out. Huggs to all of you!! I'm ok......really! 3 days to go!!! I'm so very excited to meet all of you! I'll be giving alot of hugs!! Pam

And we will be ready for some big ole hugs too. Anxious to meet you sweetie. Wish your friend could come with you to the meeting it helps lots of people understand to see that many people that have had the surgery and they are all healthy and happy. Jan

Pam I know what you are feeling, I had a friend that called me evry night, please dont do it..But I went ahead with it and God held my hand all the way..I had mine in Jan and am so glad I did..so you hang in there....vesta

AAwww Pam I too am sorry about your friend. I share your story too though. Before I had my surgery last month, both my parents said they would not speak to me again if I continued on this course. They were afraid. They kept telling me horror stories about people who have this or that surgery.. They don't know the pain I've been suffering being the size I was (and you're all right NO one talks about how much fun life is being morbidly obese - we do by necessity become inventive) When my family tried to talk me out of this surgery I told them this surgery is almost a bloodless surgery - and so many other terrible things WOULD happen to me if I stayed the way I was. Being Depressed is no picnic, and when the people who say they love you, try to talk you out of what is medically best for YOU, then it's time to tell them you are sorry they feel that way and let them GO. Pray and believe in yourself. YOUR doctor wouldn't have allowed you to go through this surgery if it was not medically necessary... it's not just a choice or a whim - this is your life. I'll be praying for you, and hoping your friend will come to see what is right for you - before you lose him. Patricia B.

Dear Pam, I just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel. I, too, worried about finances-gas prices were almost $3 a gallon and we had to drive 4-5 hrs one way for my surgery. I also worried about the vitamins and shakes etc, because I have 4 kids I support, well one of them isnt at home anymore...but we still help her out-so I was terrified of the financial aspect.....BUT...I always just remembered this saying-IF God leads you to it-HE will get you through it. He knows your needs. It will be there-I buy generic vitamins at Wal Mart and I get my shake mix at Food 4 Less where its cheapest AND lasts like 80 plus shakes for under $25.....so, it all worked out.....I cant afford to spend over 100 a month on bariatric vitamins, so I do the other route-but it has everything I NEED and ALL my labs have been within normal or above range-so darlin, it will be okay...IT WILL!!!! I REALLY wish your friend could attend the meeting with you-because I AM SURE that by the time he heard some of us talk about how life was before-and how it is now-he would really open his eyes!! There are times I sit and get tears in my eyes when someone is talking about something they went through.....I know~and my life now, Well, lets just say-I feel like I am among the living for the first time in about 10 years and that sure feels good to me! I wish you luck sweety and I know you will do just fine-you will. We will see you tonite. Love, Janet