thought of Tami and Pixi when i read this. and anyothers who are working really hard

Dear Diary... For my 50th birthday this year, my husband purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I was doing pretty well maintaining I had put a few pounds on. I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer Named Joe, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress... MONDAY Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was Well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Joe waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Joe gave me a tour and showed me the machines. He took my pulse after Five minutes on the treadmill. He was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to standing next to him in his Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today.. Very inspiring! Joey was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!! TUESDAY I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Joe Made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air -- then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Joey's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me. WEDNESDAY The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Joe was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other Club members. His voice is a little early in the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Joe put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Joe told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other crap too. THURSDAY Joe was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Joe took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not looking, I ran and hid in the ladies room. He sent Muffy to find me. Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank. FRIDAY I hate that @#$%, Joe, more than any human being has ever hated any Other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without Unbearable pain, I would beat him with it. Joe wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the **** barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? SATURDAY Joe left a message on my answering machine in his grating, shrilly Voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing him made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel. SUNDAY I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy.

Jan; What a treasure to read!!!!!! I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. Tears are still running. You poor thing. I am glad you still have your since of humor. God love you!!! Hugs; Barbara in Freeman PS: My cat is looking at me like I am crazy...don't think she has ever seen me laughing this hard or long.

Goo done Jan!! I've not got a personal trainer other than Jim but there were days when I couldn't do that *@%# tricep machine and wanted to say things like in that post! I've been MAD on more than one occassion....."how may did you do, come on one more, you can do it!" Then I say, "Damn it IF I COULD do it I would have DONE it!" God Bless him for not giving up on me!! It's getting easier though as time goes on and I'm FINALLY seeing results.....a good friend of mine at work today was walking behind me and said, "you've lost weight!" I said "thanks for noticing" cause this morning when I put my pants on I noticed they were no longer feeling like they were going to bust at the seams! They've been tight lately but FINALLY I see a change in my shape and a few pounds off the scale! I have come to LOVE the machine that post laughed about.....the stair climber....not sure what it's really called but I use it first during my cardio workout and started off only doing 6 mins...now up to 16 mins....slowing working my way up and I LOVE IT! When I started in Jan I was only burning 200 cal during cardio and now I'm doing 500 on my good night....400 some nights though(like last night, I talked too much to the staff!-imagine that ME talking too much!! LOL) Thanks for posting that!!! hugs Tami

I don't remember when I have laughed so hard till I cried. I was trying to read it to my husband and was just screaming with laughter. You have really jump-started my day, thanks so much for the humor. Now I'll go replace my eye makeup and go on to work. Whew.