My two cents for what it is worth...

Old timer checking in....have been browsing the board lately and can't help but wonder what the heck is going on. Since when do our support groups have to have limitations on who can come and who can't.... My feeling are just my feelings. It is not meant to hurt anyone's feelings but here they are. Over 4 years ago when I began researching having bypass surgery, I think I sucked up all the information that was out there and then some.... I attend all kinds of support groups because; when you are trying to decide having the support and sharing of others who are in your shoes or that have been in your shoes is very very important. I went to hospital supported groups, individdual supported groups, couples support groups; and most of the time just sat and listened and took it all in. So why is it that we are limiting who can come and who can't ....I just don't understand...is this some kind of private organization.....N O T .....H A R D L Y......we are all struggling with our morbid obesity, whether post-op; pre-op; whether you are single or married; please please please.....I beg you all ...when someone comes and offers ideas to expand the capabilities of our support system, don't locked them out....Listen to them ...support them...be there for them.... Had it not been for all the people who opened their arms; I am not sure I would be here today; because; my morbid obesity and the co-morbidities that I had would have killed me....do we really want to shut people out and be responsible for them not receiving the support they need. Now I know I am not a professional health care provider; I am not a social worker; I am not a surgeon; who has been to all the seminars, classes, or have the hours of education that those people have. BUT I AM A PERSON WHO CARES....WHO CARES DEEPLY...AND ALWAYS WANT TO BE THERE TO SUPPORT ANYONE AND EVERYONE WHO NEEDS TO TALK; TO SHARE....TO CRY; TO QUESTION; TO TAKE A CHANCE FOR A NEW LIFE..... EVERYONE.....PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE OPEN YOUR HEARTS AND YOUR DOORS AND LET THE PEOPLE COME. Betty Myers Open RNY 5/25/04 -142 pounds

Betty, You are soooooo right. I have not had surgery yet but I think all support groups should be open to anyone who shows up. It's not like a private party and only those approved can attend. I don't know what's up but I plan to attend any and all groups I can both before and after surgery. We all need the love, caring, understanding and information from those who have had surgery and those who are searching. Hugs and love to you Lana

I have thought long and hard before posting regarding this situation but I believe that the good far outweighs the bad. So here goes. I believe that support is vital for WLS patients. I believe that the whole family approach to implementing support is imperative if you want long term success for WLS patients. Why is this? It is a proven fact that there is an incredibly high divorce rate amongst post op WLS patients as well as a higher failure rate for long term success (weight loss) if there is not adequate support family wise. This is not to say that just having WLS dooms you to fail in marriage and long term success weight loss wise, but lets face facts. It happens. So when you have folks who desperately want to include their loved ones in their new WLS lifestyle you would think that it would be a welcome idea. Well, it looked good and sounded good didn't it? We all know without dragging out all the gory details that this novel (NOT) thought was shot down. Horribly so. There were quite a few folks that suggested this, including me. I am blessed with one of the sweetest, most caring husbands in the world who wants nothing more than for me to be successful longterm. There are some of you on this site who have met him and can attest to his caring and considerate ways. I don't believe he has one mean or spiteful bone in his entire body. He is in on this just as much as I am. We are the dynamic duo. So how does this factor in to the whole family support approach? ... Well, I was ONE of the few folks who got "the" letter as stated in a prior post. After I opened it I just sat there in shock. How in the H@#$ did I warrant this when I have only been to TWO meetings in one year was beyond me. My second meeting I didn't even say anything to anyone other than exchanging pleasantries. I didn't even contribute to the meeting. Just sat there and listened. The only thing that I could think of that might of warranted the letter was an exchange I had MONTHS ago ( almost a year ago I believe) when I first inquired about my husband attending the SG meeting. I disagreed with someone. In a very respectful and adult way. No name calling, no vulgarity. When it was obvious that I was butting into the proverbial brick wall I let it drop. It was not worth my time nor effort when it was obvious that a few folks had an agenda and no amount of rational reasoning was going to sway them from their idea of how things should be run. Fine right? Well not so obviously. I attended my SECOND meeting just last month. Sat there, listened to the speaker. Said hi to a few folks and then left promptly after the meeting was over. I guess I was warranted a bad enough threat to receive a certified/return receipt letter to never attend this meeting lest I get security 'sic'd on me. How childish. Childish indeed are the actions of such folks who would construe me as a threat as well as the other folks *****ceived these letters. Folks who are successful and who want nothing more than to be able to share what has helped them as well as receive support in kind from others who have been there and done that. Childish indeed the folks who form their little cliques and shun others just because they can. People we are not in third grade anymore. I don't have time for this. If you don't agree with me or someone else that is fine. But let's grow up and act like adults. Tell me you don't agree with me and go on. I grow weary of the hush hush gossipy B.S. and the exclusionism. I don't post much to this site but I do stay abreast of things by reading. I'm not perfect but gosh darn it I bust my chops to do the right thing. If I can ever help anyone out by sharing something I will always do so. I want nothing more than for all of us to be successful. Sorry for the epic post. This has just really been chafing me something horrible. I'm still incredibly disappointed in alot of folks, but then again I don't wager that they even give a rat's hiney. Oh well, that is a shame, but that is whole 'nother problem. Support my arse. *sigh* Everyone have a wonderful evening and know that I am thinking of you all! Pixielf~

Thank you for putting this into words for everyone to read. I am so sorry that this is happening to all of you. I only attend a group that supports one another and all is welcome, even though I dont get there each month. Colette

It seems like some support groups have a lot of rules which I dont really understand. I have attented other groups without all these rules and things went fine. I made a suggestion of bringing food to the meetings to show people you can still eat well after surgery. I did that at another group and peole loved it. A lot of people think you have to live on protien shakes which I dont like. I was told that was a no no at this group and I guess if you dont go along with everything you say you are not welcome there. I recieved a letter and did not open or read it. I have not gone in a couple of months because I was sick or working. I wont go back. I went to the group because I am a long term post op and I like to help people and I get a lot out of going but I dont like a lot of rules.

David: Thank you for responding!!! I guess I am just having a hard time believing that professional people involved in support groups would be so bold to send out letters that state you are no longer welcome to come, whether they are doctors, surgeons, support group leaders or social workers. It seems to be they are doing the "PROVERBIAL SHOOTING THEIRSELVES IN THE FOOT" scenario. Maybe they don't realize that it is those of us who have either had the surgery, considering the surgery, or a family support member of someone who has; that make up the body of the groups. SO WHAT DOES SUPPORT MEAN TO PEOPLE: It is a place to exchange ideas, to say....hey I'm having issues.....to say....that works for me...that doesn't ....without feeling like you are being judged or put down because you have these issues. Thanks again for writing.

I guess I have missed something...AGAIN. Some of you have gotten letters asking that you not attend a certain support group? Is this a privately run support group, or one run out of a hospital or church group? Without knowing the full story here, I'll throw in my 2 cents anyway. Public groups that are run by a hospital, church, surgeon, community service center...those should be open to everyone. However, I think these public groups DO have the right to decide what format the groups are in: Post-op only, post-op couples only, etc. After all, everyone has different needs, and I personally think that there should be groups out there that are more specific to issues other than "eat more protein." Private groups of people, like a book club, should have the right to invite anyone they want...or disinvite anyone they want...assuming that they have rented out a space that is not paid by taxpayer dollars. Meeting room at Pizza Hut, go for it. My mom is my support group. Thank goodness for her! Cheers! Pamela

Didn't want you to think that I was ignoring you! Thanks for chiming in though! I have missed seeing you posting... ..btw... how did the surgery go? Pixielf~