Springfield area folks........
First off let me say this is only posted to bring my locals up to speed on this situation. I don't intend to start any bashing of anyone and if you have anything personal to say to me please email it as I do not wish to make this GREAT MO message board anything other than GREAT. This board is for SUPPORT and I just want my locals to know that I'm still here and so are others in my same situation, even though you will not be seeing us at the same meetings as before.
Below is the letter I( and at least 2 others) received last Friday, signed by the physicians who run our local bariatric program. If you take the time to read it please also take the time to read on to the rest of my post. I'm omitting names of those involved but you "locals" are aware. The letter read:
"We have been aware of your continual expression of dissatisfaction with the support groups and the leadership of those groups for several months. The New Beginnings support group was originally created by ____ ____, LCSW and our patients to provide the necessary resources for them to have support throughout the surgical weight loss process.
It is unfortunate that you have been unable to come to terms with the set up of our support group system. It has been reported to us through a number of our patients that you have expressed your dissatisfaction indiscriminately within the support group. As a result of this behavior, several of our patients have expressed that they will no longer be attending the group because of the stress this behavior creates. This is counter-productive and will not be allowed to continue.
Please be advised that you will no longer be allowed to attend and support group activity that is sponsored by our practice. Security will be contacted to escort you off the premises. We recommend that you obtain the support for your weight loss surgery from another source." (end of letter)
Now anyone who has been attending meetings regularly knows these are outrageous accusations. I have never spoken out against the format of the meetings or the leaders at ANY time in our group. I did approach the leaders and express that I and a few others would like them to reconsider the format of the meetings designed for those one year or more post-op (not the New Beginnings group), because many of us are married and would like for our spouses to be able to attend with us. I was considerate in my request, letting them know I realize the choice is theirs not mine, but that I personally will have to choose to not attend that meeting if my spouse is not allowed to attend with me. I have always gotten ALOT from attending these meetings and appreciate that I have the option to attend. I enjoy the time bonding with other WLS post-ops and also love that I can be of help to those earlier in their journey than myself.
My choice was personal and made solely out of consideration for my spouse as the main support person in my life. We are encouraged pre-op to have a strong support system, and for many married people this is their spouse. For those who don't have that support from their spouse, often times divorce results. I don't know the stats but divorce among WLS patients is very high. And I'll be honest enough here to admit not so long ago that I thought I was going to be one of those people. I've realized some of my habits were keeping us from connecting the way we should and that included going to meetings like this without him. I know this isn't the case for every married couple, but it is MY personal experience.
After realizing that the rules were not changing for this "1 yr. post-op support group" some of us decided we'd meet on our own with our spouses being more than welcome. We did this for the first time last month and now have plans to continue each month on the 4th Friday. I'd like to extend an invitation to anyone else who would be interested. These meetings will be a different day and time from the other support meetings in our area. We are not trying to turn anyone against going to the other meetings and I personally had planned on still attending the general support meeting every month with my spouse until I go this letter, which I just can't understand.
If you are interested in more information regarding the new group for post-ops feel free to send me an e-mail. I will post a different post on this board when we have all the details worked out. We are still deciding on our meeting location and that may also depend on the amount of interest from others.
I thank all my support friends for your friendship thus far and hope that you will not let false accusations tarnish the bonds we have. I for one NEED fellow WLSers in my life and look forward to continuing to meet with you all. I'm a "tell it like it is" person. What you see is what you get with me. I like that in return as well. I want to be part of a group where everyone is welcome, all points of views are welcomed, and if you are dealing with an issue we haven't discussed you can feel free to bring it up and seek advice from those who may have experience with it. This NEW group will have no connection to any surgical program. It WILL only consist of WLS patients and their support person(s), if they choose to include them, who wish to lend support to each other.
Thanks for reading this LONG post. : ) Again, let's not use this board for bashing anyone, but feel free to email me, regardless of your views.
And for those who've informed me I need to update my profile......SOON I will be doing that. Thanks again!
Sincerely,
Tami (Tamara)
Well You can add another name to the list! As soon as my post came out last night I got an email from another "shocked" member of the support group. Only this person has only gone a couple of times, so far the rest who got the letter have been members for a year or longer. If there are more of you reading this who did get the letter, please email me. We'll support each other! : )
Hugs,
Tami
I recieved a letter I did not get opened. I have not gone to the last few meeting because of not feeling too well because of my heart problems or having to work. I would be interested in maybe coming to your meetings. I like thing to be more relaxed and not so rigid. I like just getting together and talking that seems to help.
Geez Tami, way to go!!! I only wish I was down there so I could attend. Our meetings here that are sponsered through a place in Columbia Missouri haven't told us we can't bring our spouses or support person and should that happen I would imagine that there would be a few to quit coming. Granted our group has just been going for a short time and being a smaller area more people are coming for the information and preop information right now. We have several, like myself, that are postop 1 yr or more and it is interesting to hear their stories. We have a pretty casual meeting and I really like it so far!! I hope ours does not turn out like Springfields cause that really sucks!! I hope it is successful and that you all continue on your own and dont give it up!!
Good Luck
Sondra
Hey Girl!
Let me know when you get all of those details worked out so that I can come too. I haven't been to a meeting since last December and I did feel like the meeting was very rigid. Of course, I had only been to one other support group before and that was my original one in Illinois.
Also, we need to get together! We live too close not to be able to see each other sometimes and catch up!
I look forward to talking to you soon,
Cindy
Tami,
I couldn't of said that better myself...and FYI I received the SAME EXACT letter that you and Glenna did. I cried all that weekend...I kept racking my brain for something/anything that I did that was so wrong! Finally, my husband demanded to know why I was so upset...and then I let him read my letter....he said....no, this is a mistake...maybe they meant it for someone else....you don't say ANYTHING at the meetings! I think I spoke at 2 meetings....once when Claudette (what a wonderful person) started the group and then once when I brought my WLS buddy Lisa to the group. We had surgery 2 years ago....same hospital....same surgeon....one hour apart....and we worked at the same hospital as well. Anyway, she came to the meeting and brought her new baby boy. I did talk that night...and congratulated Lisa on doing so well on her WLS journey. She looks and feels better than ever. Words can't describe how proud I am of this lady.
I look forward to the new group meetings...Glenna already filled me in on some of the details. This sounds wonderful and quite frankly like a breath of fresh air.
Take care,
Kelli
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