WHY!!!

Why is it that most of the people I share with about having WLS immediately say Oh, I knew a man/woman who had the surgery and in no time at all they gained it all back and more OR they had the surgery and got really sick, etc ??? I don't ask them for their opinion, I just say I'm having the surgery someday and they feel they have to share their negative stories with me. I don't mind if they say, Are you sure this is what you want to do? That's a valid question I guess. But the negative stories are really hard for me to be loving about. I want to scream WHY ARE YOU TELLING ME THIS GARBAGE. CAN'T YOU JUST BE SUPPORTIVE. However, I'm a gentle southern lady whose Momma taught her to be kind and loving so I just smile and say, Yes that does happen sometimes but it won't happen with me because I know what I'm doing and realize it is a life time change and committment. That stops their clock, I'll tell you. Nice trumps ugly every time. Hugs to all my MO OH friends. Lana

Lana!! You Go Girl!! I haven't told a soul other than my hubby, kids and my grandson, Timothy (he doesn't really understand tho) and of course my drs. about my soon to be wls. It's just like when your pregnant or going for other surgeries, like back surgery. I have heard it over and over and over! I decided a long time ago to stop telling others (except you guys, but you understand****il after my sugery and when they ask " why I didn't tell them?" ... I tell them "why!!!!!" I stand with you on this one Lana ....you tell em!! Deb

I agree it can be very disheartening to say the least. I try to tell them that they have come a long way with the surgery and It has really worked for me. It saved my life. I had the surgery 2 years ago and have lost 220 pounds. I am no longer on oxygen or in a wheel chair and I have started back to school. Unfortunatly some people just don't understand that the negative publicity stands out much more than a good report. My pet peeve is how much do you eat now. I thought you could only eat about the size of an egg for the rest of your life. That causes me to reevaluate everytime.Do I really eat too much?One story I heard was. There was this girl and she lost 150 pounds and now she has to walk 10 mile a day to keep the weight off because she has started to eat so much again. So the key facts in this story is............ She has increased her intake. You have to exercise Without the surgery where would she be. Could she walk 10 miles before she lost the weight? Do we really know the whole story? sometimes I feel like I should only tell positive things about the surgery. There are a few things that can be diffucult.I usually just keep them to myself. But I am not sure that is ok either. I just try to tell the basics.. If you eat your Protien...Drink your water...take your vitamins .... and exercise It is ok. No one said it was a cure all with no personal responcibility or accountability.It is a Tool and it comes with instructions. Sometimes I get off track and have to go back to the instructions/basics. But the good news is since I had WLS i am ALIVE I know longer require Oxygen I can walk and ride a bike. I have been given a second chance at life and I am living it. I hope you don't mind my soap box. Please take the info the way it is meant to be encouraging... Thanks for bring out a great point. Jean e

It is sad to say but some people like to sabatage you and discourage you especially if they are overweight. It is human nature to really not want you to succeed. I faced a lot of discouragement when I had surgery. My brother said some things that really upset me and I dont have much to do with him anymore. The best way to solve the problem is to have wls and be successful that makes people become supportive and quit telling horror stories. You can get support here on the board but many people will not be supportive. There are complications that can happen but are rare. Most people do very well. My heart doc told me I would die on the operating table as my heart was too weak, that was almost three years ago. My heart is pretty crummy but without surgery I probably would have died with all the problems I have had this year. You have to listen to your gut instincts and follow them, and you have to trust in God.

Lana I have to give you cause I would be said something. lol It wouldnt of mattered if you was going in to have a wart removed. Someone would of popped up with "Well I knew someone that had their wart removed and the end up dieing" Or "I know someone that went in to have their wart removed and ended up losing 3 of their fingers". It kills me that people have an opinion on CRAP they know nothing about!!! It's like that game I am sure we have all played when we were younger. You sit in circle or around the room. One person wispers something to the person on their right. And they in turn wisper it to the person on their right. And so on and so forth until you get to the orginial person who started it?? THAT right there is what it is like when you tell someone your having WLS. They heard something but cant quite remember what it was so they have to add their bit of spice into the whole mix. Other wise it isnt as juicy as a story to tell. Can you tell it is a sore spot for me??? lol Lana I will support you in anyway I can sweetie. You can call on me ANYTIME!!!! I love ya girl!!! Love ya Melissa

You bet you know you have all of us here for support any time. I agree with Melissa it is like that old childhood game. For about every three people i tell there is at least one of those that is going to come up with a story and the storys are usually so far removed from them that you know it has gotten embellished and changed so many times. I just say to them . Well I know that things have improved so much and i see people haveing the surgery that have a lot of problems before hand that dont have those same problems now. like dietbetis, high blood pressure, etc etc. So what if you have to watch your diet the rest of your life . Dont you to a certain extend. So now we have a tool to help us watch our diet and yes we have to exercise but thank God we will be able to exercise where we couldnt before hand. So I cant see that it is bad and if i have to go thru a few months of pain and learning so what. I am in constant pain anyway ....Is a sore spot with me too. Love all of you and if anyone needs any support on this i am here. Jan

HIIIII everyone... Reading this thread made me sad. And that was NOT due to anything what anyone HERE said. ****waves at everyone here****** I don't know if "IT" happened when I went and asked Social Security for help (disability) OR when I also decided to have WLS....but all I know what that I would die within the year by how poorly I was doing. My doctor from Atlanta of 10+ years had given me the advise of, "GET close to caregivers NOW!" and he'd never talked so frankly with me before.... And I knew he had not said that lightly..... SO, I liquidated what I could, and packed up what was left of my life to come back to my childhood hometown. My dad and I had never been close....he was a work-aholic, and still works 7 days a week. But my mom had always been my best friend, and closest person in my life. I received my 1st Disability payment in May and also bought my home here. I absolutely love it. Great area, nice and quiet, and 9 houses around the corner from my parents. The first week I was home, my mom treated me like I was "FAKING" all my illness and damage to my body....I think it has sank in that I would no longer be that superstar making big money and making her proud any longer. NOW, to also tell you, my parents have NEVER asked me for money, nor have I ever asked them for ANY support....so I don't mean that Mom was unkind due to her Gravy Train pulling outta town... Her unkind comments would then turn to her insisting that I do projects wither her....painting, gardening, etc...and always at her pace, which ALWAYS made me really sick....I just couldn't go like I used to...and instead of being gentle and kind to me, she is nasty and mean to me. Like she is totally disgusted with me. I did ask her to ride up to Columbia with me for the Surgery date (13 hours round trip) and I'd pay for all expenses, I just needed help for the trip home after surgery.... I even told her, she did not have to go to any of the PRE-Surgical things....when in my heart I was crushed she didn't even offer. My birthday was 8/3 and NONE of my family even acknowledged me. NOW, I am not saying I EXPECTED a big fat gift....Heck, I think I have always worked on my birthday....but the friends in my life were much kinder to me than all of my family. Late in the afternoon of my birthday, my dad stopped by, to play w/ the puppies of mine, and I was on the phone with Missouri Baraitrics, so it was a mad house. He say my big calendar and said, "OH!! Happy birthday Sherr..." and gave me a hug. My son totally blew me off, and even up to today, has never "remembered"... Now his "checkbook" has had to stop, buying him anything he wants...and he just doesn't come around now. A couple of times, I'd even asked him to ride to an appointment with me, to be told he had other plans..He's 15 so I am sure it was all nothing, but it hurts.... Unfortunately I have decided that my own family is just toooo TOXIC for me to be around right now. I just can't handle the hateful things, the crying....with all the other neat stuff happening in my life. My own family is opposed to my WLS....so without my friends out in the world, and you guys, I would be TOTALLY ALONE... Thank you ALL. S

Sherr you never know people do you? You seem so happy and carefree that i assumed that you had a great family and support system. Sorry for jumping to conclusions. We love you little one and wish there was some way to give you a big hug right now. You know we are just a few clicks of your mouse away. By the way what did you do before you were unable to work. Do you want to go back to that when you get well after surgery? We love you a lot Jan

Lana, Sadly these people tell these stories because that is all they have heard about WLS.Success stories are not told because people often feel ashamed or self conscious about having had WLS. This is the exact reason those who are comfortable should share their experiences with people. At best it could save someone's life who is morbily obese but had only heard the horror stories and at least it will educate people who don't know how safe and successful this surgery is. I like the way you handled it and I'm sure you will one day come across the opportunity to educate someone. Let's spread the word that lives are saved. Let there be no shame in getting a life changing/life saving operation. Why should there be shame for wanting to watching your children grow up?-being able to walk? work?drive?tie shoes?play?dance?have self esteem?lower BP?stop being diabetic?be treated equally?respected?admired? WOW I could go on and on... Dannielle

It was a lady I met who was having a garage sale selling all her large-size clothes that made me reconsider having weight loss surgery. She was probably a size 12 selling size 26-32 clothes. I asked whose clothes these were because everyone there looked fairly normal size. She said they had been hers and she had lost over 100 lbs in a year. I asked her how and she told me about weight loss surgery. I was the one who said, "Oh, I don't think I would do that I've heard all these stories and it seems so invasive." She asked me how long ago I had looked into it and I told her it had been probably 5 years. She told me they had drastically improved the surgery and it was fast becoming the treatment of choice for those overweight and especially overweight with diabetes. She told me about this web site and that I should look around in it and see what I could find out. I did. That was in 2003. In sept. 2004 I had my surgery and as of this morning have lost 174 lbs! Praise God! When people give me the negative feedback, I just say, "Yeah I felt that way at one time and then I researched it and tried it and it works." If they keep harping on it, I tell them to go to obesityhelp.com and do their own research. Maybe they will end up healthy believers like me!