Some 'funnies' to make you laugh...
Please don't take offense when you read the Arkansas jokes--I live in Missouri & sure didn't want us to look ridiculous! 
The owner of a golf course in Arkansas was confused about paying an
> invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
> He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The
> Univerisity of Arkansas and I need some help. If I were to give you
> $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
>
> The secretary thought a moment, then replied, Everything but my
> earrings."
>
> You gotta love those Arkansas women.
>
> *****************************
>
> A group of AR friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the
> day.
> That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight
> of an eight-point buck.
> "Where's Henry?" the others asked.
> "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the
> trail," the successful hunter replied.
> "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they
> inquired.
> "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal
> Henry!"
>
> **********************************
>
> A senior in Arkansas was overheard saying... "When the end of the
> world
> comes, I hope to be in Arkansas." When asked why, he replied he'd rather
> be in Arkansas because everything happens in Arkansas 20 years later than
> in the rest of the civilized world.
>
> *********************************
>
> The young man from AR came running into the store and said to his
> buddy,
> "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
> Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
> The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
>
> *************************************************************
>
> NEWS FLASH! - Arkansas's worst air disaster occurred! when a small
> two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two University of Arkansas
> students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers
> have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging
> c! ontinues into the evening.!
> The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.
>
> ****************************************************************
>
> A AR State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-79. The trooper asked,
> "Got
> any ID?"
> The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
>
> **************************************************************** !
>
> And the Favorite
>
> A man in AR had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and
> proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind
> it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
> A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned
> around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
> The man replied, "I have a flat tire."
> The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
> The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the
> front and flares in the back! I never did understand it either"
>
***********************************************************
They walk among us. ..
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old, still working fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it". For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50". The next day someone stole it. Caution . . . . . . They Walk Among Us
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff." . . . . . . . . .They Walk Among Us!
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" . . . . . . . .They Walk Among Us!
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving". . . . . . . . . They Walk Among Us!
A friend has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk . . . . . .They Walk Among Us!
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount. . . . . . . They Walk Among Us!
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned. . . . . . . . They Walk Among Us!
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me," has your plane arrived yet? " . . . . . . . They Walk Among Us!
While working at a Pizza Parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces. . . . . Yep, They Walk Among Us too!
They walk among us, and reproduce!
***********************************************************
My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first
mistake)....
One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors
was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she
was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the
kitchen?
Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those
were for "special occasions" (her second mistake)...
Now, fast forward a few months....It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks
are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner.
Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set
the table.
When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into
laughter.
Next, in came my father, who roared with laughter. Then in came Mom, who
almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the
table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork
carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they
didn't hang off the edge!!
My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the
other adults into further fits of laughter.
"But, Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!!!"
Isn't it easier to just tell the truth and be careful who you ask to set
the table for you!
**********************************************************
Hope you all have a great day and wishing you God's richest blessings...
Linda 
The owner of a golf course in Arkansas was confused about paying an
> invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
> He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The
> Univerisity of Arkansas and I need some help. If I were to give you
> $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
>
> The secretary thought a moment, then replied, Everything but my
> earrings."
>
> You gotta love those Arkansas women.
>
> *****************************
>
> A group of AR friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the
> day.
> That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight
> of an eight-point buck.
> "Where's Henry?" the others asked.
> "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the
> trail," the successful hunter replied.
> "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they
> inquired.
> "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal
> Henry!"
>
> **********************************
>
> A senior in Arkansas was overheard saying... "When the end of the
> world
> comes, I hope to be in Arkansas." When asked why, he replied he'd rather
> be in Arkansas because everything happens in Arkansas 20 years later than
> in the rest of the civilized world.
>
> *********************************
>
> The young man from AR came running into the store and said to his
> buddy,
> "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
> Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"
> The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."
>
> *************************************************************
>
> NEWS FLASH! - Arkansas's worst air disaster occurred! when a small
> two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two University of Arkansas
> students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers
> have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging
> c! ontinues into the evening.!
> The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.
>
> ****************************************************************
>
> A AR State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-79. The trooper asked,
> "Got
> any ID?"
> The driver replied, "Bout whut?"
>
> **************************************************************** !
>
> And the Favorite
>
> A man in AR had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and
> proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind
> it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
> A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was so curious he turned
> around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
> The man replied, "I have a flat tire."
> The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
> The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the
> front and flares in the back! I never did understand it either"
>
***********************************************************
They walk among us. ..
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old, still working fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it". For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked too good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50". The next day someone stole it. Caution . . . . . . They Walk Among Us
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the North?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff." . . . . . . . . .They Walk Among Us!
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" . . . . . . . .They Walk Among Us!
My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving". . . . . . . . . They Walk Among Us!
A friend has a lifesaving tool in her car it's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk . . . . . .They Walk Among Us!
My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount. . . . . . . They Walk Among Us!
I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I explained that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned. . . . . . . . They Walk Among Us!
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me," has your plane arrived yet? " . . . . . . . They Walk Among Us!
While working at a Pizza Parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces. . . . . Yep, They Walk Among Us too!
They walk among us, and reproduce!
***********************************************************
My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first
mistake)....
One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors
was ajar. I read the box in the cabinet. I then asked my mother why she
was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the
kitchen?
Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those
were for "special occasions" (her second mistake)...
Now, fast forward a few months....It's Thanksgiving Day, and my folks
are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner.
Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set
the table.
When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into
laughter.
Next, in came my father, who roared with laughter. Then in came Mom, who
almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the
table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork
carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they
didn't hang off the edge!!
My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the
other adults into further fits of laughter.
"But, Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!!!"
Isn't it easier to just tell the truth and be careful who you ask to set
the table for you!
**********************************************************
Hope you all have a great day and wishing you God's richest blessings...
Linda 
Most Active
Recent Topics
