Recent Posts
Is ANYONE interested in grabbing a cuppa coffee sometime Saturday morning??? It's been a LOOOOOONG time!
Caribou inside Byerly's in Maple Grove. 9am-ish. I'll check for replies tomorrow night - if anyone cares to join me, please post! (No need to reply if you can't, I just want to know if anyone will be there to chat with me!)
Anyone???
Imperfect does not = unsuccessful
I remember when I was 'full size', I used to have a direct sales business for a company selling home accessories. I can't believe how nasty drippy sweaty I would get doing my demonstrations, I had to keep a small hand towel in case I actually dripped! Hauling everything in, setting it all up, the nerves doing the demo, taking orders, then disassembling the whole display and carrying it all back out.... crap, you'd think I'd have lost weight I sweated so much!
Oh well - it's easier to add layers and blankets when you're cold... you can only take so much off when you're hot!
Imperfect does not = unsuccessful
http://tinyurl.com/3oeblom
5'5" Age 63 HW 212 SW 200 Currently 8 pounds below goal
Jacque 
"a fall in temperature is an important part of the adaptive response to energy deprivation (as in dieting)."
http://tinyurl.com/3oeblom
5'5" Age 63 HW 212 SW 200 Currently 8 pounds below goal
Jacque
Everyone who has WLS has body image issues, and most surgeons take a great deal of care to do the surgery on people who are relatively healthy psychologically, because it is such an emotionally fraught journey. The most important thing for you is to find a way to LOVE and ACCEPT yourself as you are--you are a good and valuable person. You need to believe it yourself instead of letting your family continue to hurt you.
Overeating to obesity is one way to punish and hate yourself; undereating to emaciation is another way to punish and hate yourself. Plastic surgery because you can't stand your body is another way to punish and hate yourself--do you see how all these are related?
People care about you--WE care about you!! I hope you can find a way to care about yourself and find peace. Can you come to Saturday support group south of the Cities sometime? It is such a supportive group! If not, seek out a support group near you. Bless you!
thank you, I will try that. it seems the doctors that did the RNY want nothing to do with me, they will not see me. I think ot is because I lost too much weight and it looks bad for them. I do not live far from Mayo, I may check them out or the U of M. My PCP is talking a reversal or putting a feeding tube in. I do not want the tube because it causes infections. I do not even know if a reversal will work as I can no longer eat sugar and have become lactose intolerant. My psychiatrist will write that it is necessary because of my body image, but not sure if that will help. I have straight medical Assistance. Not sure what doctors take that as they get reimbursed so little. I know for a fact a lot of the reason my family has turned from me is because of my weight, when I had a few more pounds on I was pretty and they were jealous. It had to be because I was and am sti;; the same giving person who puts myself last and does for them and anyone before me, yes at my expense. Just a couple months ago a classmate of mine passed away from complications of an RNY. now my best friend wants one. I am so afraid for her.
but for me I know, one day I will attempt again if I do not get control of my image of my body. But I look in the mirror, have to compromise showers and baths because of the skin and so it is reality.
The psychological pain is so bad, having to go everywhere completley covered and yet my face is so sunken in I get called Achmed the Dead terrorist. I will not stop seeing my counselors, I have been seeing them since abusive hubby killed himself and will continue. I just need to fight and get the surrgery but yet have no more fight in me. Do you know what I mean, weak and sleep all the time, pain and sadness. Deep sadness and i put a smile on for everyone so nobody knows. I am being treated with meds for the depression and anxiety, which I am getting so I go out anywhere less and less. It is like I can feel what my future holds and I do not want that for my kids. the one child I have left who loves me and comes and sees me almost died in a fatal crash and he broke his neck and back, him I want to not to hurt. yet when you get in the moment you do not think of otherss, it is a selfish thing and you just want the pain to stop. that is all it is, everything else is blocked out and you just want it to stop.
Somehow there has to be a starting point for me, some doctor to have a heart so at least I can wear shorts on warm days and not have to blowdry under my tummy so I do not get sores.
I thank you all for your kind words and I will try, I really will. I just cannot keep going downhill or it is inevitable. So tomorrow I begin my journey of looking for surgeons somehow. I will post on the other spot and I will look. bless you all!
ONE POEM KINDA
the look in her eyes
told me what i knew
suicide survivor
the pain in her eyes
mapped out her tragic past
suicide survivor
the tell tale tear tracks
running down her face
suicide surviver
the scars on her wrists
showed her depression
suicide survivor
the uncertainty in her voice
haunts your memory
suicide survivor
every beat of her heart
she wish was her last
suicide survivor
if only you knew
in her mind she is dead
suicide survivor
ANGEL
