Almost 5 Years Post Op and I Need Help
I had my RNY in December 2007. My highest weight was 328, and on the day of surgery it was 319. I lost the weight fast and adjusted to the new diet and lifestyle easily (aside from the exercise, I didn't work out once). By January 2010 my weight reached its lowest at 162 --- a grand total loss of 166 pounds. But being a new mom, having my husband and I both out of work and living with my parents brought about a whole new world of stress and depression for me. I was able to maintain my weight for most of 2010 at around 180, but that didn't last the following year after my husband decided to join the Navy.
The experiences of his boot camp, A-School, and first deployment proved to be just too much for me emotionally. I found myself alone in a 1 bedroom apartment with no car, no TV, no friends, no family and nothing to do for months. The stress, anxiety, and depression proved to be more than I could handle and I ended up being hospitalized twice in less than a year's time at a psychiatric hospital. My only comfort was food - and I ate.
As of this past Sunday I weighed 259 -- up almost 100 pounds from my lowest -- and I am miserable. Things have settled down for me emotionally, but the scars have remained from the past 2 years. I have completely isolated myself... aside from the socialization I receive from my husband and my daughter, I don't get out of the house -- at all -- and I have no friends within 2000 miles. Physically, aside from housework, I do nothing. I sit on the couch all day watching TV, always too tired and exhausted to do anything... including playing with my daughter. I'm back to hurting, having aches and pains, should I do too much of anything, having difficulty breathing when climbing the steps to our apartment, my heart pounding by the time I walk out to the mailbox and back.
Diet wise, I can eat anything now that I did pre-surgery... except in smaller quantities. My biggest problem is that it feels like the food passes through my stomach quickly, and within 30 minutes after a meal I feel like I am starving again. I'm never full, never satisfied... so I am always grazing, looking to make that hunger go away.
I'm at a loss as what to do. What should I be eating? How often? And how much? When it comes to exercise what should I do? What should be my goals?.....and all in all... how can I be happy again?
I'm stuck --- and confused.
Someone please help.
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve my best.
-Marilyn Monroe
Honey, I don't think the hunger you're looking to satisfy is a food-based hunger. You need to fill the emotional void you've described, and that's a whole lot trickier than putting food in your body. (One question, are you drinking with your meals? That could have a lot to do with possibly feeling an actual sense of HUNGER so soon after a meal. No drinking for 30 minutes before and after your meals. You know that, we had the same surgeon...)
You need to find a way to get out, meet some people, make some friends. Is there a mom's group in your area? A church - perhaps with a daycare or preschool operation you could get involved in? You have to make the effort to fill THAT void, so that you aren't attempting to sooth yourself with food. All that comes from eating to fill your emptiness is regret.
Force yourself to find a social life. Do it for your daughter - so she makes friends and learns social behaviors, and so that she doesn't someday imitate the behaviors you have described being stuck in. Trust me on that one - I have a nearly 20 year old daughter that breaks my heart every day - although she and I are very different kinds of people, she is heavier at 19 than I was, by far.
If you have a therapist, use him/her. Don't give up on yourself - if anything, find a way to become DETERMINED to beat your cir****tances - because the only person that has the power to change them is YOU. Good luck ~
Imperfect does not = unsuccessful
Assuming you are getting appropriate medical care, I echo what Darla said. Try and find some out-of-the-house connections. Play groups or maybe a walking group would be a good start. Do you have a decent stroller for your daughter? Walking is how I started with exercise after surgery. Every time I felt like eating when I shouldn't, I went out for a walk. Get yourself a pedometer, and try to take a few more steps every day.
When you are depressed, taking those first steps can be like climbing a mountain! but you will feel a little bit better and a little bit less tired every day. And you will be setting a good example of lifetime skills for your daughter.
Are there any support groups near you? We would love to have you come to the South of the River group--we meet tomorrow morning at 8:30am at Burnsville Center, in the Panera. Bring your daughter if you need to, we are a happy and inclusive group.
